My W is driving me <B>nuts</B>. It's on again off again...with arranging the kids visitation... but OM is always there when my kids visit her!!!<P>I got an e-mail from my attorney...<BR>My wife is asking for money... money... money... $$$... Oh yes, OM is still living with her in her condo (the one I dished out $10K for)... and has been there for the last 4 months... Oh yes, she has full-time job (albeit a temp job)... Oh yes... the agreement was that no one was to move in, or else I stop all contributions! Verbal agreements suck! (yeah... I spelled it right this time)<P>She wants to see the kids (only on her terms NOW) and throw out what's in the property settlement agreement...<BR>She wants to pick up kids 7AM on Christmas day... and leave the return date and time open... won't discuss with me... as OM(sponge) gets in on the phone conversation adding his -2,000,000,000 cents!!!! Cheryl... is this the 'doormat' thing?<P>The big steam rolling divorce train... is building up speed... again... <P>It could be <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> before the New Year... at this rate... <P>I do have my first appointment with Steve Harley this comming Monday (12/27) 9 AM CST... (is that ok <B>K</B>?) <BR><B>I need his advice bad...</B><P>I'll post my conversations with him like RMA! I certainly appreciated that... <P>I saw RMA's post on the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> controversy... I imagine I didn't do the best <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... and will hear it from Steve. <P>I wonder if he revises my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> approach...<BR>Or kicks me into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> track? Love for W is faltering... <P>Hard to believe... after that draft <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> letter huh... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img] ... get it... I'm getting mixed up too! <P>The once clear and well focused...<BR>Jim

<BR>Jim,<P>What is UP with these spouses?????<P>Why won't she talk to you about the kids? And why in the H#LL is OM getting on the phone????? <P>Does your atty tell you, you have to give her more money? If not, don't do it. I know that sounds harsh, but, please. Can't the sponge help her out??<P>As far as Christmas, I would tell her that you want to spend some time w/ them as well, and that it is only fair for her to give you a time. If she won't do that, Jim, do it for her. Tell her that you will spend the morning w/ them (pick the morning so you can be sure to see them- she might be nasty and bring them back late) and that she can come early afternoon to get them.<P>You need to put your foot down. I don't think that is LBing- It is negoiating (she may see it differently).<P>You are not a doormat, Jim. You are a great dad and a loving H that doesn't like what is happening to his family.<P>Hang in there. Christmas may be a very interesting day around here.<P>Sending up those prayers. E-mail me if you want to.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Jim,<P>Almost forgot. Dont' you have a restraining order on OM? Enforce it. Get you atty on the phone and enforce it.<P>You are doing this to protect your children.<P>I am so sorry. This is so crappy!!

Boy, Jim, I am constantly amazed!<P>Cheryl is right. Stay strong on the points you believe in. You'll have to make enough concessions b/f it's over. <P>And - as custodial parent, you have every right to negotiate the time your children will leave and return! <P>Good luck on the counselling session. You're a great dad, just keep doing what you're doing until (and if) a court orders otherwise.<P>Hugs and prayers.<P>Lori

Don't let your W & "the sponge" take advantage of you. I'm really sorry this is happenning. What is wrong with her? I wish she would wake up and see exactly what she is doing. I'm sure she is getting some coaching from "the sponge."<P>Protect yourself. Prayers are with you.

Ookie, blech, puke, spit (oh wait, a lady doesn't spit)...<P>I'm so sorry...<P>I too wonder why OM is getting on the phone??<P>What's up with these spouses who insist on living/supporting these OP. Are they outta their minds? Think so!!<P>Well, have to run now...sorry, H is taking us to see his apartment <P>Hugs, Sheryl

Jim,<P>Step back...<P>Take a deep breath...<P>Our spouces are sick...<P>Try not to get too caught up in it. It does rub off.<P>Talk to your atty tomorrow.<P>Drive to where they live and beat the living s!!t out of OM.<P>Belay that, that would LB.<P>Seriously, if indeed you are the custodial parent( I hate legalese it is so cold) you have to do whar is best for your kids.<P>Lori's right you are a great dad.<BR>Keep that always in mind.<P>F the OM his opinions mean squat.<P>I can't believe your W thinks he's helping.<P>Reread your sep agreements, and think about the restraining order.<P>It sounds like your W and OM are real unhealthy.<P>Do your kids have to go to mom's?<P>Put the brakes on you end of the D-train.<P>You don't want to loose you love for your wife. Granted she isn't helping you.<P>Extra prayers for you tonight.<P>Focus... focus...focus...<P>Bill<P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Jim<P>You need to set down with your attorney and set some guidelines as to what you want. DOn't let her take charge. You have custody of the children right? Why does she need money? Did you buy or pay rent for the condo? SHe has a job She moved out you are still in the home. Youset the guidelines. These are the restriction you have to have. This is not love busting you will not support her as long as she is with OM that is in the book. That is NOT LOVEBUSTING. That is letting her live in the real world and not letting her stay in fantasy land.<P>And if your attorney will not help you set your own guidelines then you need another attorny. She walked out on you and you have the kids. <P>Lots of Hugs {{{{{{{{{{JIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

NSR;<P>So sorry to hear how things are going. You are a wonderful person and a great Dad as well. Too bad W has her head where it is and cannot see that.<P>I liked Bills suggestion about beating the living S... of of OM, but it would be a major LB. So.....Day Dream it. That won't hurt anything and maybe you already have. <P>Stand your ground for you and you children.<BR>That isn't LBing it is standing up for you and your kids. Of course W won't like it, she is not herself now. <P>Hope you have an enlightening talk with Dr. Harley. Hugs and prayers are with you my friend. Hang in there as I know you will. Vent and then Vent some more. It keeps us sane. Like Bill said, Focus, Focus, Focus.<BR>God is there and listening, ALWAYS.<P>

Thank you one and all...<BR><B>Cheryl, Lori, NoTrust, Sheryl, Bill, Di, Devastated2!</B><P>Today is just an incredibly tough one...<P>It was 2 days minus one year that my W e-mails to OM... "I love my kids, I love my family, but most of all <B>I love my husband</B>"... and now this... <P>I've got to take the kids to my work place for a Christmas party.... (last one since they are down sizing me out of this location... maybe out of the company)...<P>I've got to get Christmas play props/papers etc. ready for show at 5PM (I'm the director/producer... since W left)<P>I've got to finish wrapping gifts...<BR>ARRRGGHHHH... I just found out from my oldest that my W took the entire set of stockings (for the family stocking stuffers) on her last pick-up of the kids! <P>I've got to hear it again later from W... <P>Yes, I am the custodial parent...<BR>I'm trying to be flexible on visitation (trying to Plan A my best...) but I <B>do</B> feel she is taking advantage of that (and my good nature)... <BR>I should(will) check out with Steve H.... "is this what someone(me) who wants to be <B><I>courting</I></B> his Wife back... through Plan A... should be doing?" And "how do you show you want to be her <B><I>best friend</I></B>... when W forces you to file against her in the courts?"... Ohhhhhhh... this is hard... Can Plan B really be harder?????.... Did I lose too much love for her already???... She makes the withdrawals so easy... <P>At least the OM didn't speak any obscenities on the phone <I>this time</I>... ... And yes there <B>is</B> coaching... Usually when I talk to her alone... and he is back in his state... I get a more reasonable person to talk with...<P>BTW: My restraining orders only keeps OM out of my house, and for my kids to have no overnights with OM... that's it. When the kids visit... OM and both his kids have been there 90% of time in my kids presence. I can't do anything about that... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img]<P>Also BTW: The $10K was <B>originally</B> to be a $3K initial deposit & 2 months (condo)rent... and $7K (part of buyout of our house)... Since she had OM move in with her, I count the $3K as part of the buyout too. And because of the OM moving in... I should not pay 1/2 of the rent anymore. <B>THIS</B> is what we agreed to before she moved out... but naive little Jim didn't see this little lie. Like most of the other lies... And yes, the OM makes decent money...works in a good union job 17+ years... does he contribute to the condo?... (just ask why I call him sponge) [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img]<P>No time to get back to my attorney today...<BR>I guess when she calls back again... I'll have to turn on the tape recorder... like I did before finding Marriage Builders... I hate that!!!! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img]<P>Hey guys...<BR>Maybe a prayer for me today... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR>I'm starting the day with one for everyone on the forum... and especially for you! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>I'm a lucky guy because I have God, I have my kids, and today since... I have all of you... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>...back to my original... let me live up to it.. my God...<P>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 24, 1999).]

Jim,<P>Sounds like your W is definitely gettinc oaching form the OM. He wants to get a "good deal" for himslef here - your W and your MONEY, too. Probably because he will have to give all his money to his W if they divorce, so he wants to be set up in as good a position as possible by YOUR money.<P>What a lot of cr@p to deal with right before Christmas! Do see my last post on my thread about PlanA. Maybe something will be useful.<P>I am really anxious for you to talk to Steve and see your post. I want to see your take on the session and his advice to you. The initial session will mostly be gathering info.<P>I sent him a pre-counseling e-mail with the "story" so he could have alot of that info already when we talked. You might want to do that too, because if not, you spend alot of the 1st session on background. If you need his e-mail address for this, let me know and I will e-mail it to you separately.<P>Good luck on the production tonight! <P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I bet that after "sponge" scuz-ball absorbs all that he can out of you & your W, I bet he preys on someone else to sponge off of. Man!<BR> I hope your W wakes up from Fantasy Land soon! Hang in there friend!