D-Day almost 7 months ago. I'm wondering how many couples see a true lasting change in their marriage? Things seemed like they were going to really be better and different at first, but it seems like now our marriage is almost back to where it was when wondering W had A. This went on for a year and a half..with many fights,accusations, lies the whole ball of wax. Now I have attempted to show her the love and attention that she claimed was lacking, but she has a hard time reciprocating. She has an especially hard time initiating any form of love or affection. She tells me to back off..it will come in time. I told her it isn't going to happen on its own...you have to make it happen. Basically she has returned our marriage back to almost where it was before she thought it was ok to act like she had no morals. So I am curious, how many of you see a real change in actions from your wondering spouses???

I have watched people come and go for more than two years now. It seems like it takes about 18 months to two years for things to really work.

You are looking at this like most men, and she like most women. (my W included) Read HNHN again, and think about the differences. Read "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" - if you have not done so.

The bottom line is that we can only change ourselves and hope they respond, we cannot force them to change, or love us, or want us. Usually it does come in time, and yes it would be better if she would help more - if she would understand your needs, and try to meet them. You can negotinate for that using POJA. Ask her "this is important to me, what would it take for you to want this like I do?

There is always the chance that she will never respond. (your fear - and your reason for coming and making this post.)

I have seen that happen too - but not as much or as often. I suggest you give this two years but see if you can find ways to both agree on important things. Call Steve Harley for counseling - remember he restores marriages, not just works to end A's. There are always things you can't see - and what's it worth to you to know what they are? It's never as black and white as we think it is.

and last of all.......

Pray - it works for me.

SS

My W doesnt seem to be responding all that well either. I dont know if I can take 2 yrs of this BS. I certainly dont want a divorce but thats a long time to wait for a head to be removed from a rectum.