I don't know where to begin, where to go, or what to do. All my friends and family tell me to leave her, becouse I was in plan A long before the affair, or atleast before I knew about it. I have been tring to get things back for a long time, a year or so.

She tells me that they were only togather once, but I have strong evidence other-wise. They supposedly started talking in January, and the actual event was in February. So she had enough feelings for him in one month???!!!!! I don't understand. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

She tells me she can just turn it off, maybe thats what she is doing with me. I feel like I have been turned off And the remote is lost!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

She still has contact with him at work. They worked togather for about four hours a week or two ago. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

The very bad part is the OM lives about ten minutes from us. I think on the way home from town(we live in the country). I have met him once, at a party, here at our house. I could not believe she invited her lover to our house to meet me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> It's like she wanted to through it in my face. When I would go check the grill and come back in, they would be pulled up close to each other. I wasn't the only one to notice it. My W's cousin was there, and had a camera. The cousin took pictures and showed them to my W's mother and grand-mother. I feel this is partly the reason she confessed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

She tells me that I did everything right, and met all her needs. When we took the ENQ she listed Honesty as her #2 need????????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I feel I am being made a fool. She point blank told me, not long ago, that she wanted her cake and the icing and all.

Last night I cooked her a very nice dinner (which I usually do most of the cooking). We used the good china and ate by candle light. No TV as is our usual practice. I thought it to be very romantic. I even dressed in the cloths she always tries to get me to wear. After dinner we went to bed. She asked could we be intimate. After we had undressed and were just cuttleing she said that that was all she wanted to do. We could have stayed dressed for what we did. I had gotten my hopes up for some turn it our reltionship. I feel like I got another kick to the head!

I feel like I have tried everything, and all she has tried is to stay in the some house as me. I am going to try one more time to be the good guy. I think, I'll biuld a fire tonight out in the pasture. We can cook hot dogs and cuttle by the fire. I have tried all the fancy things I can think of, maybe I need to go back to being a country gentleman. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I just felt I needed to vent a little this morning, and ask your opinion.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. And it also sounds like you have read about this site and are Plan Aing her. How much longer can you keep up in Plan A?

Have you exposed the A to family and friends, and told her what you know? Have you told the OM's significant others too? Have you asked her to end all contact with the OM?

If you begin reaching the end of the line for Plan A (begin losing your love for her) it may be time to get your ducks in a row for Plan B. Does she have a place she can go? Yes, she may move in with the OM, and that's not necessarily a bad thing...she'll get to wash his dirty underwear for awhile, it will take the shine off the apple so to speak.

Well, how about inviting the OM over for a drink or two give him a hug, then smash him in the face with an elbow.

My WS thought maybe it would be best if i met the OM possibly, because she wanted me to know he was a nice guy and not a threat because he was such a non-physical squidly type. (Creepy!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Im not sure if all WS's want the romance or over-attention, that might not be what your WS wants. Maybe your showing to much attention, maybe she wants to have wild type of sexual experiences.

I would say half of the women ive been with got more excited by more aggresive long rough sexual encounters and would hound me after with non-stop telephone calls and surprize visits etc. that i didnt want. Sometimes i was amazed they were still in my house in the moring and ask myself WTF are is she still here for, tea?

was kinda a [censored] in my youth <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ April 02, 2004, 11:08 AM: Message edited by: Bog ]</small>

Just be nice to her and show her who she has by her side. Do not give her any reasons to think that the OM is better. There is nothing wrong with being a gentelman and talk openly with her about what she wants in terms of intimacy or any other needs. Also, if the OM is married, let his wife know what is going on. Good luck.

Hello,

Your story is so sad. It seems to me that your wife has taken a perverse pleasure in inviting her lover in your home to meet you and then flirt with him behind your back and have pictures taken of her doing this. Some people enjoy humiliating and disrespecting their spouse. I am afraid that you have one of these spouses. How do you think your wife would have reacted if the roles were reversed? It sounds like she is playing you and enjoying getting your hopes up and then making you feel foolish.
There is an old saying: no consequences to their actions equals no motivation to change. Sometimes plan A is seen as a weakness in that the cheating spouse is actually getting rewarded for her behavior.
It really seems your wife gets a perverse pleasure in humiliating you in various ways. You were a whole person before you met her and you will be a full person afterwards if that is what you choose. The question you have to ask yourself is why you would wish to accept such lies, disrespect and humiliation in a marriage. Sometimes is not only the cheating spouse that is in a fog but also the betrayed spouse. Knowing what you know now would you wish to marry your wife again? I suggest counseling for the both of you but especially you to understand how much of this you are willing to accept in your life. I wish you luck.