Hello everybody, I really need advise. I wrote this email to a person from the Divorce/Divorcing forum who is 24yrs. old to get his perspective on my case, please read this email and let me know what your imppressions are. I am really confused.
Hello Luke,
I am writting you an email because I found something that caught my attention. You and your wife are both 24. Maybe you can help me to understand my situtation better because we are both around the same age. I am 25 now and my wife is 22, we got married on August 10 2002. We lived together an o.k. marriage. We loved each other, that is for sure. On February 2003 she left to Argentina because she was awarded with an scholarship to study overseas for a year. The first three months were a nightmare, fights, fights and fights because I wanted her to put me attention and she did not want to commit. She was so into her experience and she did not want anybody to interrupt her. Three months later, in May we met again. We had an incredible time, we traveled together for two weeks, it was like our honeymoon. She came back to Argentina and boom, the super nightmare began. She started acting differently, super distant. I was not in a good position either. My brother was totally crushed because he broke up with his girlfriend. He wanted to commit suicide. You can imagine how emotional I was in that moment. I had to take my bro. to the hospital for severe deppression. I was super needy of support and I expected my wife to give it to me. She started to put more distant. On June 2002, I found out that the reason why she was so distant from me was that she was sleeping with another guy. She denied it and I put myself in a state of wishful thinking trying to believe her. We met three weeks later after I found out. We met in Rio de Janeiro and we traveled for three weeks. Wonderful time! Since then a circle of aggression started. I slept with three girls (stupid reaction, but I was only reacting which doesn't make it better). She did not found out until I told her about it in January 04 that she came back to the U.S. First she confessed she kissed with the guy and I confessed my first one. Two weeks ago I found out she slept with the guy and I told her I slept with the other two. Today I found out that she did not only sleep with this guy. She slept with another one too; the second one happened mid-October; right after I wrote a book for her and sent her roses and champagne from the U.S. to Argentina. I do not know what to do. I am super dissapointed from both of us. I cannot believe the monsters we became. I am totally crushed and without illusions for this girl. What do you think I should do? Continue with her and maybe fixing the marriage after these devastating events? Continue with her and only damage each other even more? Or move on since I have a brilliant future ahead? I don't know, I am so confused. She is a great person. She is willing to work on this marriage, I am too because in my deep end, I still love her. Or at least I think so. (In fact, I am afraid that it is codependency now.) There is nobody who fullfils me in this way. Should I just start over?
Note: I thought we were on recovery. Two days ago we did the emotional needs questionarie and the policy of radical honesty. That is why we got to this point. Please help.
I also want to add that when we were with the MC one really important thing happened. We both understood that a huge part of this was caused by our demons. We were victims of our own emotions that we did not know how to control them. We both commited to work on ourselves. If we don't change, anything will change.
