I am a wreck. How do you get through DDay2?
For the last 1-1/2mos since DDay 1, my husband agreed to NC.
I didn't know if I could trust him, & drove past his place after dropping my kid at daycare (it really is on my way to work! )
Every time I went by, and didn't see her car, I was reassured. I was getting better every day.

Tonight, had an anxiety attack, for no reason, after spending a great day with him and our child; I left my house and went to his.. her car was there.
I knocked quite sharply on the door, he didn't open, he saw my car outside.

I went back to my car and took Xanax immediately -shaking.

He came out, I went in (he stayed out).
I confronted her, asked if they had ever stopped contact, she said not really.
I asked her why was she at his house, she said she was invited.
Went back outside, 40 min. of "what the heck are you doing", told him, that if it's over with us, he needed to tell me.
Told him if it wasn't over with her, then I would be probably never forgive him for making me be the one to file for divorce, because I still love him, but am above this, even if they weren't...At 1 point, he told me not to make him choose, (he believes I have control issues) I could have got in my car and ran over him. I told him if he couldn't choose, then he already did.

By the time we had finished our disc., he told me he was going to talk to her/have her leave, he would call me in 20 min. When I left, her car was gone. I called her, and left a msg. I apologized if i had been rude to her (honestly, my patience astounded me), then asked her to stop seeing him. I told her I wasn't done working on my marriage, that my husband has told me the same. I told her I knew about her feelings for him, and his for her. I asked her to give us the chance to repair our family, so that our daughter will not deal with the horrible emotions of divorce that her kids do. I didn't beg, I asked that she respect me & my marriage, it was the right thing to do, even though it would be hard. I know she went home, lives in my apt cmplx, was a friend.
I got home, couldn't face coming in.. wanted to know what his conversation w/her was going to be. I understand he has deep feelings for her, she was so helpful in arranging for his move out, (behind my back) helping furnish, & of course meeting those EN that I apparently wasn't meeting.... but I decided, that I needed to know now... right now.

I went back, when I pulled in, he was walking out the door, bundled up, told me he was just going to take a walk.. He knew I had questions, but wanted to say some things before I started asking. I said "no, are we over". He said he hoped I would say no. He said he loved me, and always did and will. I asked him to tell me, are we over.
He said he was going to take a walk, he had just put his wedding ring back on (it's been on his neck chain since separation) was clearing his head, getting ready to call me. He said he is ready to let my love in again, he's ready to feel it again. He's ready to trust me with his fragile self again. He loves me, he loves us, he loves our family, and our future.

I broke down in tears, I was so afraid he was going to tell me that it was over, either he wouldn't choose, or he wouldn't choose to stay with me. We hugged, & cried for a long time

I told him I knew it was going to be difficult to stop seeing her, and that he was going to hurt..(the hardest thing that has ever come out of my mouth). He said it wouldn't be hard for him, but he will feel bad that he will hurt her (he is so sensitive, it's the main reason I was attracted/fell in love with him..-arghh).

I came home, he called me again, it was ok, I told him that as long as we are separated, trust issues are gonna be tough, & unexplained time unbearable.. he's agreed that he'll do what he needs to do for me...

I need someone to tell me that I'm not crazy please.. he told me this 6 weeks ago, and went back to her.
Tell me what to do.. I am lost.

Sorry to hear about the setback. My WH is the same way, kept telling me OW would be/could be out of our lives. But she is still around. I have had several confrontations with them.

I've been in Plan B (mostly) since September. So I don't know what to advise you. Will he come to this site to get some encouragement?

Sorry to hear this. Just to give you my hug and lots of love.

This is actually very, very common. Your d-day has been recent and many times these guys go undercover for a few weeks or months and then re start or continue the affair. It is like a drug. This does not mean he doesn't love you, but he is infatuated with how the affair makes him feel. This affair needs to be exposed.

I don't know what you've been doing, but when this happened to me, I got tough. I told my H I could not be part of three. I told him he had to choose, and either way, that would be it. I went to an attorney and told my H that I loved him, but could not keep going that way. I'm not telling you that this is what you should do, only you know your situation, but this is right from the handbook of affairs-some really go no contact, but put yourself in his shoes, he's not going to stop unless stopping is better than keeping the affair going. If he doesn't want to loose what he has at home, then he'll have to stop. I am not so foolish to think my H's affair stopped overnight, I have read too much about affairs over the past THREE years. It doesn't mean it is over. This is just so typical of some affairs. You scare him enough and he'll cut off contact. He may have also lied about the lengh of the affair, how many contacts etc. Many guys will plead no contact over the phone to the OW only to call them back later and restart things-very common, but the truth is, most men stay with their wives.

The way I see it, your choice is to continue plan A requesting no contact while going to an attorney and starting to make plans for YOU or go to plan B. I favor the plan A. We have been doing great for the past three years. I have read so much on this subject, really, if you can stick it out, he'll come home, they know what they have at home but the OW is really a mystery-I suggest tough love at this point. Others have been there. I am sorry, but really, it can be OK. Most men stay with the wife, most affairs fail-less than 2-3% last.

Oops-didn't see that you were sep, maybe move back in together? If he won't and will not go NC then I'd do full force Plan B. You caqn't work on a marriage if you are living in two houses, JMHO.

Plus if he moves back in with you it will kill the OW.

One more thing, if you are sleeping with your husband, let the OW know you are having sex with him, he's probably telling her you aren't- that also gets them every time as does a pregnancy when they think their MM has been "faithful" to them.

Sorry-it just gets me so mad.