Well - about a year ago my husband had an affair w/ a co-worker. The affair went on for 2-mths. He confessed to me 3-mths after it ended. I found out a week later I was pregnant. Depression has set in as I get further along in the pregnancy - and now he's starting to ignore me again. So... I did something stupid - I starting seeing the song leader at church. He's married w/ 2 kids and has confessed to me he doesn't like his marriage. He's complimented me quite a bit, calls to see how I'm doing and makes me feel important, pretty, special. One day while we were alone I kissed him - one thing let to another and I ended up giving him oral sex. A few days later I did it again. Sad thing is I'm enjoying it. I know if I stop I'll fall into my depression state again. I'm lost. I've considered suicide, but it seems dumb considering I have 3 kids and one on the way. I love my family, I'm just caught in the excitmenet of an affair, that i know will turn sour one day but it feels too good to stop now. What's anyone's advise.

Well your H Affair lasted 2 months, wouldnt be fair for your A to laste longer.

Dont you think its a bit odd for you to be giving sexual favors out but get nothing in return, sounds kinda creepy to me. I guarantee your H isnt going to be kissing you if he finds out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I think you should stop what your doing because if you enjoy giving BJ's, just think how your going to like real sex with Opera Man. DO you really think you can stop after you go all the way?

Well your H Affair lasted 2 months, wouldnt be fair for your A to laste longer
But it's "fair" that it went on for two months?

Your right Chris nothing is going to be fair,

Since your H started this maybe let it go 2 1/2 months, that would be more fair.

Since your H started this maybe let it go 2 1/2 months, that would be more fair.
How can it be "more" fair if nothing is going to be fair?

<small>[ April 08, 2004, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Umm. ok, "Closer" to being fair, but things will never be equaly fair?

im trying to work with you here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hello JHF:

If you wish to be divorced and be a single mother with 4 children then continue your behavior and this will be your future. It will be a matter of time before you get caught. Please seek therapy and understand why you are on such a self-destructive path. Close your eyes and imagine your husband divorcing you and marrying someone else. Is this what you want? I wish you luck.

JHF, think of your children. You are playing with a loaded gun. Seemingly you and your H didn't get counseling after his A. Credit to him for confessing; that really is encouraging in my opinion. But you needed to react then instead of continuing this downward spiral. You are also impacting another family. Do you want to hang around until this blows up. Walking into church and facing all the whispering parisioners. This may feel good for a while but the pain will last a lifetime. Why not adress the real issues. Maybe get something for the depression and get you and hubby into MC.

I hope you'll come back here there really is a lot of support and expertise available at no charge. You're family's future is in the balance.

thanks for the advise everyone. no, my husband i i didn't get counseling after his affair. unfortunately, i have little love for him, so my desire to make things work right now is very low (although i know in the end it's the best thing). obviously, this guy and i have already gone too far and he's hinted that next time we're together "it'll be my turn to feel good". i know it's just a matter of days before we have sex - it's just getting us alone together, which isn't too hard since i'm a stay-at-home mom and he's the president of a company, so he comes and goes as he pleases. it's hard to want to stop right now because i'm getting so much from this relationship. why why why!!!

ps - the "fair" thing has already ran through my head - he had 2 1/2 mths of "fun", why can't i?

Hey JHF,

You do need to think about the other Man' wife and his family. He does have a wife that probably loves him too, it's a scary game your playing with here. If he didnt have a wife or a family it would be totally different, you know how it felt when your H cheated, you will make her feel as you did "betrayed", maybe she doesnt deserve that?

Plus you also need to realize that this Man is a scumbag cheating on his wife and potentialy destroying his family over a fling, doesnt really matter if he "says" he doesnt love his wife, all cheaters say that crap and most go back to their spouses as i have gathered. I do understand your attraction/sexualy fantasy toward him, and it probably will be Yummy, but atleast realize it's only skin deep a passing moment. You need to realize this "IS" a fling your going through, he wont be there for you later as like 95% or somthing like that of relationship like your dont last.

Somthing to think about, ok?

JFH

It is your life, and you can do what you want.

You know you are on a very destructive path right now, and only you can control how far it goes.

The deeper the hole you dig for yourself right now, the longer and more painful this experience will be when it's part of your past.

Do yourself a huge favor. Stop it now, today, make the call and tell Mr. President it's over. Get a copy of Surviving an Affair and read it immediately.

Your relationship with Mr. President is not founded on love, honesty and trust. It is founded in secrecy, selfishness, and sin. The chances of a relationship spawned by an affair ending up as a long term success is less than 10%. Relationships outside of a marriage are simply fantasy, as a result of two married people who have become complacent or lazy in their relationship. If you spend the time you think of, or treated your husband like you treat your lover, you marriage would improve immediately.

None of this is to say that your H did not have a significant part in your marriage becoming stagnant. But you, and you alone, made the choice to become involved with this man.

You and your H should seek marriage counseling immediately. The Harley's are expensive, but get rave reviews. Now is the time for you to decide to change your life for the better. Please do it for your sake, and for the sake of your soon to be 4 children!

God Bless

SD

All I'm going to say is that 2 wrongs dont make a right. I have considered and affair more than once since my W had hers. Its not worth it and it makes you no better than them. Think about the pain your in. Would you really want to inflict that on anyone else? Get in counselling and stop the A now. Thats the best advice I can give.

can i ask some of the guys a question regarding my situation - read above if u don't know what's going on - but basically my husband had a sexual affair w/ a co-worker for 2-mths. just recently i got involved w/ a guy from our church and have given him oral sex twice (obviously it wasn't forced, it was mutual and there is a strong attraction on both our parts, he, by no means, is using me and had tried to give me the same favor in return, just haven't had the time). anyway, the question is (for guys) - i don't feel i've really done anything wrong. we haven't had "sex" - the penetration type anyway.
is this oral sex going to be a big deal to my husband or is it only a big deal if it goes on and on and on for months - so 2 times wouldn't mean much and should just be kept a secret. at what point would it be a big deal to a guy - would it have to include penetration sex too for a guy to consider it a sexual affair? or will he consider oral sex worse since i'm "pleasing" someone intentionally? i guess what i'm asking is how would a guy react to his wife doing this? big deal or not? thanks for advise.

What planet are you on lady? When you get married you promise to forsake all others. I realize your H didnt, but I go back to 2 wrongs dont make a right. Whoever came up with the whole oral sex doesnt count concept was way off base. If you were my wife it would be a HUGE deal. Stop trying to justify your behavior. You are wrong, realize it and stop it. That is only my advice if you want your marriage to work. I think you would justify this thing you're doing even if your H's A had only been a ONS.

Good grief that other Mr President has a lot to answer for with the "I did not have sex with that woman." garbage.

I knew I was cheating the minute I held OM's hand. But I was still justifying it and calling it an "emotional affair" until we had penatrative sex despite all the other "stuff" that we'd done before that.

Read a few stories on here, read about the pain we're all going through because we took it further.

Jenny

JFH:

"i guess what i'm asking is how would a guy react to his wife doing this? big deal or not?"

Sorry, s2pid 2uestion. It's ALL a "big deal" because you promised emotional and physical fidelity 2 your H, for better or for worse. Sure, his A may be part of the "worse", but having one of your own isn't going 2 make things better. You're on a downward spiral, and the only way 2 stop it is 2 STOP IT!!!!

Go here: http://saveyourmarriagecentral.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x?a=cfrm&s=244008616
and scroll down 2 "reclamation: Finding your way home", and SIGN UP. Cerri (on MB) started that forum on her website specifically 2 help people involved in affairs that WANT 2 end them, 2 have a place 2 go get help privately.

You need help, and NOW.

best,
-ol' 2long

I've just realised how far I've come with my recovery. I can't believe how good that makes me feel.

I wonder what I'd have said to someone who just gave the advice I just gave when I was in the midst of the A or just starting it.

Probably, "this is different", "I don't love my H any more" etc etc.

If only I'd discovered MB back then - what a lot of pain could have been avoided.

Jenny

JH , I know the desire to feel desired and special is running very strong in you right now so this guy looks like an appealing thing. But its not, It can only hurt you in the long run.Do you know the risks your taking by taking his fluids into your mouth and body? If this guy is that willing to sl;eep with you just ask yourself how many "others" he has been with........

oh and ya "oral sex" is still sex......

JFH

Right now you are in what we, on this forum, call the FOG.

Every thought that goes through your head is fully consumed in trying to justify a very bad choice you have made.

We all know you have now met your "soulmate", and you "never really loved" your husband, and that "things haven't been good between you and him in a long time". We also know that "no one has ever made you feel like this before", and that you "love your husband, but you are not in love with him anymore".

We also know that all of what you are feeling is fantasy. We know that if Mr. President's wife and kids knew about you, your fantasy would start to dissolve. We also know that if you H knew of the A, he'd be stopping by the house during the day, calling you several times a day, looking over your shoulder constantly, and doing everything in his power to prevent you from continuing this affair.

We know that any amount of reality thrown into the affair, like Lamaze classes, Dr. appointments, miscarriages (God Forbid) will show your lover in his true light. A man whose moral's allow him to have sex with a married woman, worse yet, who is pregnant. We all know that if any light of reality shines on this affair, Mr. President will run like the house caught fire.

If you don't believe me, call his wife, and let her know you are having oral sex with her husband.

Do yourself a huge favor, stop the insanity now, tell your husband about the affair, and get into counseling.

SD

Hello:

Your question is ludicrous. What man would enjoy the thought that some other man was having oral sex in his wife's mouth? I am sure that your husband would be overjoyed to kiss you on the mouth. I do not think your post is serious. I think you would have to be out of your mind to think your husband would not care what is going into his wife's mouth. If this post his real then please seek therapy because you have lost all touch with reality. I wish you luck.