Thanks for the insite Rose. At first I couldn't understand that but I'm starting to. As I mentioned in an earlier post I told my WW last week that if I got to uptight rather than say something I didn't want to or ask for things I wouldn't get I would leave for awhile. I only left once but this weekend WW got very serious and said can I ask you a question? I said sure, and she said when you say you are going to leave if you get upset are you going to see another woman? I couldn't believe she asked and I said, like we don't have eoungh problems without that to? Of course not, I would never do that. She said well I wouldn't blame you if you did but please don't. Even though she was the cheat I could see how insecure she was and you know in a funny way it really made me feel good becasue I could she that she really cared.

<small>[ April 13, 2004, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: craving_peace ]</small>

Boy can I relate to what you all are going through, I have been on that roller coaster for 3 months now and this past weekend was really bad (see my post).She called the OM and told me she wanted to go with him. She had been drinking and I would not let her leave. She slapped me in front of 2 of my children and I had enough we were trying to reconcile with D papers filed so I called the police and she spent easter morning in jail. She is so mad and hates me now more than ever but, I had to do it for the custody issue not because I wanted to, but now I do not see any hope on saving our M, to much contact with OP and with 5 chilren no time or patients for plan B. She was my Best friend and my life but, with no trust anymore I cannot see the point or the light at the end of the tunnel when we keep going back to square one <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Shad, WOW... I don't even know what to say to that. I can not imagine. Hang in there you never know what's around the bend. If I told you my whole sorted tale you would not believe the W and I are still together. In fact one reason I haven't written it all down on here is I didn't want everyone to tell me how stupid I was to even try.

Mr. E
Believe me, you do not know how many people tell me I am stupid to even stay with her after she got pregnant and had the abortion with his baby. I dont know why but maybe I put all my eggs in one basket. Maybe I need another basket to start putting my eggs in. I feel like I am starting to loose all love for her because she does not love me. She has hurt everybody in her life and has no remorse about it, but the children will be so hurt. She is going to IC and she said she is soul searching (what does that mean?). How or why do we stay just to be punched in the heart over and over. I was a very happy person now I am a shell on anti-depressants and on this board hour after hour. What a life.

We are a pathetic lot aren't we!!! E, I haven't heard you entire story but from what I've see here and what you've posted about my situation I think we have the same problem (gift? curse?) We love our WWs and have always done everything in our power to make them happy. Probably to a fault. I've heard the term; we're enablers. I think we're on the same rollercoaster. All we can do is try to hang in there and pray that we never lose ALL hope.

MOONDOG, yes I would say I am one of those guys that has always done as much as I could to make my wife happy. That's why when she told me she "needed" and emotional affair I couldn't understand. I probably tell her 20 times a day that I love her, she beautiful, sexy, etc. we we always talked and we were best friends but for some reason she stopped hearing me and shut me out. The why of that is what we are trying to figure out now.
Shad, Shad, Shad, you sound so much like me up till about two weeks ago. I to was always a happy person, my favorite saying is IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE. At one point I got so low I said the following prayer, God I don't want to die but my wife has sucked all the life out of me. If you must take someone today it's okay for it to be me. That was my low point, or one of them but you know what, there's an old Doors song; I've Been Down So God Damn Long That It Looks Like Up To Me. Start looking for the good in everything and not the negative. It's there no matter how small even in your wife. If you were a happy person it's in you you just have to reconnect with it.
Okay on the she's soul searching thing. I'm no doctor but when my wife 1st starting acting odd, this was pre-A she went to her doctor and she was told that she suffered from clinical depression. My wife told her doc that she didn't feel depressed and her doc told her that clinical depression was like she was lost and becasue of her being lost she was trying to grab onto anything that was new. Unfortunetly at some point one of those things was another man. Sounds kind of like soul searching to me. My wife's doc told her it breaks up many a marriage.

Mr. E,

Well wife came back Tuesday and yesterday she told me she is not confused anymore and wants to stay with me. I know that the 5 children have to do alot with it but I am just glad to have her home. I cannot see how a mother would want to leave her oldest 2 children and take the 3 youngest. My 2 oldest want to stay with me and are old enough to make up thier own mind. I told her I am not willing to give up the youngest without a fight. She does not want a D now but, you know I think when I finnaly got the message that she did not love me and I took control of the situation and took charge it made a lot of difference to not let her walk over me and let the only thing my love for her guide me. I think she has now come out of the FOG and reality has set in.

Shad, goOD for you. I'm finding out the hard way that you are never out of the woods but we must take our victories where we find them Best of luck and always remember IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!