I am so confused. W. tells me she loves me and wants to work it out, but she wont have anything to do with me. All we do is a little hug and a peck kiss. W. told me she needed time to hurt for what she did to me. So I left last Saturday about 3pm. She went to the OM's house some time that night. She said she was coming to my parents to get me, two and a half hour drive one way, but she turned around half way there. She called me Tuseday and told me she had been with OM again. Talk about a kick in the head. Anyway, she said that he hurt her. I don't know if it was physical or what. She said it was just emotional, and there wasn't even a good feeling to her when she was with him. The main thing I have trouble with is, after six years with me, she doesn't want to kiss me, but she can go sleep with him!!!!!!!!!!!! She tells me, her and parents that she wants to work it out and she loves me. Then goes and does this. I love my wife very much. I don't want a divorce. She mentioned something about if we didn't sleep together I would still have grounds for divorce. Is she tring to tell me she wants one. I have asked her point blank and she said no?? My parents and her parents are having a hard time with this, and the fact that I still love her. I feel I am starting to loose my love for her. All of the lying and slipping around. He works with her, but she said he really hurt her andit is over. She told me she went to her supervisor and had it fixed so he would be on a different floor. I just don't believe this. She has only been there a year and he has gotten into jr. mang. I just don't know what to do.

Hang in there, you are still very early in this. Stay in Plan A. In the meantime, stay busy so you won't be sitting around thinking so much.

Your marriage sounds very hopeful to me. You can get through this.

Hello,

I am sorry but her actions are not consistent with her words. She continues to lie, cheat and sleep with the OM and tells you she loves you?
Oh please.... It seems she is using you as a safetynet if her relationship with the OM does not work out. What do you think your wife would be thinking if you continued to have sex with your lover but continued to tell your wife you love her but would not be with her?

No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Apparently you are accepting of the fact she has sex with her lover and spends the night with him. Her behavior toward you is totally disrespect and humiliating to you and your marriage. Maybe if she realizes there are consequences to her actions she will change. If you accept everything then what is to stop her from continuing this behavior now and in the future? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I wish you luck.

I am truly sorry you are going thru this.
It is a terrible time, and lasts for a good long time.

The initial "shock" sort of protects us.
Then you will get angry.

The previous post is matter of fact and to his point.....BUT I am less inclined to think that you are not respecting yourself but in a very hurt mode right now.

First thing with her I would do is require MC!!Second is N/C! (NO CONTACT) with OM.
Actions are what she needs to change and not WORDS.

Good luck and hang around here to get some great advice and support.

Blessings,
Atruheart

You should judge her by her actions not by what she says. She is trying to stay in the marriage and maintain a relationship with the OM. Unless she sees that you are not willing to live in this kind of marriage she will continue with her relationship with the OM. Unfortunately, it may take filing for divorce to show that you are serious.

<small>[ April 10, 2004, 11:25 PM: Message edited by: yosh ]</small>

of (dont want to call you ol fool)

I'm so sorry you are going through this . I have to agree with bryan ..she is disrespecting you and you need to stop allowing it. You need to demand NC. You need to get her to go to counseling and you need for her to mean what she says.

She is in the Fog and in withdrawals.. Even if she tries to leave him the addiction takes her back.. Please dont give up yet.. I see signs from what you have posted that it is close to ending for good.

Stay strong keep loving her but be relentless in accepting no less than NC. I wish you strength to continue Plan A.. It sometimes takes awhile to get through the withdrawals but I believe she will be more successful now that she is seeing his true colors.. Take care of yourself and dont give up hope..

wishing you peace,
c_p