I have been married to my husband for 4 years. 2 months ago, I found out that he had been secretly calling a woman that I know on his cell phone. They had been talking for some time. Each time that I would ask him if he was interested in someone else he answered "no". At first I didn't let him know that I knew until I couldn't take it any more. He even accused me of being interested in someone else. That is the furthest from the truth. After agonizing over the issue of him talking to this woman, I confronted him 3 weeks later without letting him know that I knew who she was. He said that he didn't have one main woman(that's a lie) and that he had been talkig to several women. I do believe that he had been talking to more than one woman but I know that he called that woman the most (the one that I know). I know I am right because I looked on his cell phone bills that he hides from me. I told him that it was either going to be them or me but it cannot be both. He agreed to stop calling them. Every now and then I sneak and look at his cell phone to see if he is making calls. It appears as though the calls have stopped but I still see numbers that I don't recognize. I have seen him try to make things better as far as being there for the family but he has not really tried to meet my need of affection. I have told him that affection is what I need the most He doesn't even have to buy me anything to make me happy although it is nice to do. I have also tried to meet his need of respect but sometimes it gets hard because he doesn't want to be bothered with me most of the time. He says that he is not affectionate but yet he gives our 1 year old all his time with hugs and kisses and strokes(I love that but I want some hugs, kisses and strokes too). It makes me think that there is still someone else in the picture that he desires instead of me. I try talking to him about the situation without attacking him but he still gets angry. I told him that although I believe he has had an affair, I still forgive him. He became irrate and cursed me out. He is angry that I would accuse him of adultery. He wants to leave. I told him that I could not prove it and wasn't sure if he did or not but by the way that he treats me, it makes me believe that he has, but yet I still forgive him. (I feel that way because he always leaves his cell phone in the car, he never lets me look at the cell phone bill although I am responsible for paying all the rest of the bills for the household, he doesn't want to spend much time with me and he spends most of his time watching television when he is home). I have asked him what he would like for me to do for him that would make him the most happiest and he has told me to stop disrespecting him. He doesn't believe that men and women are equal so therefore if we get into a disagreement (not yet elevated to an arguement) he will get upset if I raise my voice ever so slightly. If I ask him where he has been (in a pleasant voice) since he has been away from home for several hours without calling or letting me know where he has been, he gets upset. I try to think about how I can present myself without making him upset but if it is a subject that he doesn't want to discuss, he always gets upset and accuses me of accusing him even when I am only asking a question. I want this marriage to work but I don't know how to tap into the sensitive areas that my husband is unwilling to talk about which is almost everything.
Looking for comments.

You may try being a little more trusting. The spying on his cell phone usage is unnecessary unless he has given you motives before. You seem to be agonizing over something that you do not have proof for. I am affraid your acts of jealousy could eventually push him to act on your fears. Stop harrasing him and be more loving. Show more security in yourself. You have to believe in yourself before others can believe in you.

I respectfully disagree with the last post.

First of all, trust your gut instinct. In matters of the heart/infidelity, gut instincts are usually on, or close to the mark.

Secondly, a healthy marriage has NO secrets. No hidden phone bills, credit cards, etc. If there are no lies, there is no need for secrecy.

If you have some of the old cell bills, you can access his account on-line. With many accounts you can see all incoming and outgoing phone numbers, then cross reference them with Anyone Anywhere, cross reference system on line.

If he cannot be accountable for his time, and honest about his whereabout, that is another red flag. Does he appear to be unattached to you in the past few weeks/months? Do you know where he is spending his money? Check his credit card bill for individual purchases. Gifts you didn't get? Meals for two your weren't present for. Motels? How far to work and back for him? Check his mileage and see if it stacks up. Check pockets in his coats, suits, glovebox in the car, under the seat, athletic bag. Look for more clues, some that might give you a better idea what he might be up to.

I hope you find nothing! I really do. But if he is up to something, it is best to have really good, concrete evidence that he is, before any confrontation.

Purchase a copy of Surviving an Affair. It has good information on how to make a marriage "affair proof", or how to deal with a spouse who is in an affair. Either way, it will either help your marriage, or help you SAVE your marriage.

Hopefully this post will give the thread a bump and you'll get some other responses.

Good luck

SD