My boyfriend started an affair over 5 years ago which broke up his marriage. He has always shown great remorse for being deceitful in his marriage and causing his ex such great pain. However, he continued to date the woman after his marriage ended until she abruptly left him and conseqently married someone else.

I had known that this event left him devastated and he has always acknowledged that he still fights his feelings for her. Occasionally she surfaces in email, and so I knew they had some contact. He has been unable to recover and desparately wonders why she left so suddenly. She has never given him an answer.

I just discovered that they have been corresponding still, regularly, with letters of love the entire time we have dated for the past 1.5 years. Since this discovery, he has promised to email her and ask her not to write him anymore. He claims to have gotten rid of all momentos he has held onto all these years. He also claims that he feels he can learn to let go of her and dedicate himself to our relationship and even brings up the topic of marriage.

Part of me wants to believe and trust. The other part says he is saying what he thinks I want to hear. How will I ever know that he's being truthful and ethical with me? After a five year addiction to her, it's hard to believe he will give her up so easily.

I am hoping for any and all advice! I will try the A Plan but again, I don't know if I can ever trust him again.

It will take time to rebuild trust. Try Plan A and see how it goes.

Lets break down the facts,

1. he was married and cheated on his wife.

2. hes upset because he doesnt know why his lover left him.

3. he has been having an emotional affair while being with you. (probably a lot more then just letters)

4. he admits he has to learn to let go of her.

5. he has betrayed you for 1.5 years.

Explain exactly why your with him?

He cares nothing of you, your a doormat to wipe his feet on and he even tells you that in everything he says and does.

Can you imagine being married to this unethical shell of a human being?

It sounds like his relationship with OW never ended. In addition to that, his claims about guilt over causing his ex-wife pain are baloney...for he's helping OW cause her H pain also. Why would you want to be with someone this unrepentant?

Save yourself a lot of heartache while you still can. See his behavior and the patterns that he is developing. Looks like he is not mature enough and should not be considered marriage material. There may be more that you do not know. There are better persons out there who will appreciate and respect you.