O.K.,I need anyone who will listen's advice.Last night my husband was 20 minutes late picking up our kids from daycare.I get a call and I go there and he gets there just as I do.H is drunk as a skunk and drives off with my kids in the car!!So he leaves to take them home and I come home too.As I walk in the door he is dialing the phone and as soon as he sees me he hangs up the phone real quick.Of course I immediately get suspicious.So I asked who was that?He says he was calling one of the guys named Russel that he was apparently drinking with to tell him he made it home ok.Alright then,why did he hang up the phone as soon as I walked in the door?Not a minute later the phone rings.He picks it up,no hello or anything and says"I can't talk,Tammy is home."I knew then what had happened.I knew that was her on that phone.Our cordless phone has caller ID right on the handset.I asked him to let me see the phone because I wanted to see who that was that just called.He refused.He said it was his friend Russel.Ok then why not just let me see the caller ID to ease my mind.I begged him to let me see and he wouldn't.So,I marched right upstairs to the other phone and dialed *69 which gives you the last number that called your line.I wrote it down.<P>I had already had plans to take a girlfriend out to dinner for her birthday so I took this number with me and I left.I knew in my heart that this was the OW's number.So I had one of the girls that was with us call it from her cell phone.The 3 of us sat in her car and called.She had the phone on speakerphone and I heard the whole call.It was her.I was devastated needless to say.<P>I come home and confront him and he flat out says I am lying.I am not.He is the one lying.He says she could not have answered the phone because that is his friend Russel's number and the only people that live there are him and his girlfriend.I said oh ,so Russel's girlfriend always tells people on the phone that she is Rena'(the ow).He still denies that she called our house.Says that is his friend's number and I am wrong.Bull,I am not stupid.<P>So,here I think things are going fairly well and blam........merry christmas to me!!It's obvious his story is so flimsy.It's also obvious that he has been caught red handed and can't even own up to it then.That is why he is accusing me of lying about when I called the number.<P>So,this is the Christmas I will always remember my marriage ending.I am so heartbroken.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Tammy -- I am so sorry. This is such a bad time of year for this stuff to be happening. I know that there are theories for this, but I just can't understand the lying when he obviously knows you know the truth.<P>Right now you think that this <B>the</B> Christmas you will always remember. I don't think this is true. As time passes, you will remember this event as significant, but you will also remember the good times. This isn't any consolation now and given my situation, I can't even comfort myself with my own advice. I do know, however, that it is true and time will make a believer out of me and you too.<P>If it makes you feel better to vent, post some more. It always helps me...<P>Hugs to you....<P><BR>--DeWayne--

OH TAMMY,<BR>I AM SO SORRY. HOW THEY CAN DO THAT I WILL NEVER KNOW. AND THEN TO SAY YOU ARE LYING IS JUST A BIGGER SLAP IN THE FACE. I NEVER CAUGHT MY H RED HANDED AFTER THE AFFAIR, BUT THERE WERE MANY TIMES THAT I KNEW HE WAS LYING. HENCE, MY NAME, MENTAL. I WENT FROM MAKING THINGS UP.....TO LYING, AND ME NOT BEING TRUSTWORTHY, TO BEING MENTAL. ALL OF THE VERBAL ABUSE....JUST TO COVER HIS A--. GEE I WONDER WHY I FEEL SOMEWHAT BITTER.<P>NANCY

OH TAMMY,<BR>I AM SO SORRY. HOW THEY CAN DO THAT I WILL NEVER KNOW. AND THEN TO SAY YOU ARE LYING IS JUST A BIGGER SLAP IN THE FACE. I NEVER CAUGHT MY H RED HANDED AFTER THE AFFAIR, BUT THERE WERE MANY TIMES THAT I KNEW HE WAS LYING. HENCE, MY NAME, MENTAL. I WENT FROM MAKING THINGS UP.....TO LYING, AND ME NOT BEING TRUSTWORTHY, TO BEING MENTAL. ALL OF THE VERBAL ABUSE....JUST TO COVER HIS A--. GEE I WONDER WHY I FEEL SOMEWHAT BITTER.<P>NANCY

OH TAMMY,<BR>I AM SO SORRY. HOW THEY CAN DO THAT I WILL NEVER KNOW. AND THEN TO SAY YOU ARE LYING IS JUST A BIGGER SLAP IN THE FACE. I NEVER CAUGHT MY H RED HANDED AFTER THE AFFAIR, BUT THERE WERE MANY TIMES THAT I KNEW HE WAS LYING. HENCE, MY NAME, MENTAL. I WENT FROM MAKING THINGS UP.....TO LYING, AND ME NOT BEING TRUSTWORTHY, TO BEING MENTAL. ALL OF THE VERBAL ABUSE....JUST TO COVER HIS A--. GEE I WONDER WHY I FEEL SOMEWHAT BITTER.<P>NANCY

OH TAMMY,<BR>I AM SO SORRY. HOW THEY CAN DO THAT I WILL NEVER KNOW. AND THEN TO SAY YOU ARE LYING IS JUST A BIGGER SLAP IN THE FACE. I NEVER CAUGHT MY H RED HANDED AFTER THE AFFAIR, BUT THERE WERE MANY TIMES THAT I KNEW HE WAS LYING. HENCE, MY NAME, MENTAL. I WENT FROM MAKING THINGS UP.....TO LYING, AND ME NOT BEING TRUSTWORTHY, TO BEING MENTAL. ALL OF THE VERBAL ABUSE....JUST TO COVER HIS A--. GEE I WONDER WHY I FEEL SOMEWHAT BITTER.<P>NANCY

SORRY FOR THE MULTIPLE POSTINGS.....MY COMPUTER REALLY MESSED UP......HONESTLY...I'M NOT LYING....I ONLY PUSHED THE SUBMIT BUTTON ONCE LOL<BR>NANCY

Tammy<BR>I am so sorry for pain you must be feeling<BR>right now.If this helps i am also hurting and very depress today so you are not along.

Tammy--<P>I'm terribly sorry to hear your pain. Yes, it's definitely gonna hurt for awhile. A long while. I'll be thinking about you during the holidays and hoping your H comes to his senses to at least stop denying what happened. <P>There are positives. He's at home with you and the children. He IS denying it to you. Yes, he's lying, but apparently he wants to stay with you so he didn't want you to find out about the call (suggests strong caring for you even while he makes very bad, selfish choices). If you choose, you CAN get past this and heal your marriage. It will take time and a lot of hard work, but I sense a strength of character in you. <P>Here's what I would do, at this point. Feel free to discard completely if it's not what you want, or can do, and tell us what's happening/what you would rather do. Ask your H if he will sit down and talk with you--you have some things to say and you want to hear his thoughts in return. If he will, remain calm and think before you speak. EDIT certain ways you might word things. Keep the obvious anger at bay as much as possible (and oh yes, I do understand). If either of you blow up, take a break, and return to the conversation. If he insults or says idiotic things, you do not have to sink to his level during this volatile time. You can CHOOSE to remain in control of yourSELF. This conversation is for eventual RESULTS--no need to hurl verbal attacks. You are a lady. (He screwed up, you don't have to show him YOUR "bad" side w/lovebusters.) Just tell him truthfully how you feel, about what happened, and what you'd like to happen now. That neither of you can CHANGE what happened, but you CAN control yourselves, the present and the future. You may want to say any of the following:<P>1. That you know neither of you would wish your children's lives to be at the mercy of a drunk person on the road, much less IN the car with someone driving intoxicated. Stress that you know this event will never happen again (attempting positive reinforcement and offering trust in his return to maturity, and a subtle HINT that your mind is made up WHAT you will do should it ever happen again but don't say it at this point--that's for the never-next-time when you call the police and report him), and you'd like his agreement that should he ever make the choice to drive drunk again, he will make other arrangements for the safety of your children if not himself, like calling you or someone else dependable, to pick them up. <P>2. That you hope he will talk to you honestly about the situation with the OW, because you are his wife, and you both owe each other respect and honesty in your marriage. That there is no need to lie in an attempt to cover up things, it will only make sorting through this mess that much harder. Ask him how he feels, and what his intentions are. Express to him your feelings in return. <P>Remember, you both can say anything to each other, but try as hard as you can not to let emotions block the ability to communicate effectively. If you cannot continue at the moment, tell him you need a break and that you'd like to request continuing as soon as you are able. If HE cannot continue, ask him to indicate as soon as possible when HE is able to return to the conversation. <P>Post here as much as you can. It really helps to get it out. We're here for you. This is a great place to vent. <P>I know you're hurting more than imaginable, and one minute you're ready to take a frying pan to his skull, and the next you wish he would confess his total NUTZOID betrayal and beg your forgiveness. Unfortunately, both are extremes. <P>As best you can, get through the holidays as a united front for those sweet kids of yours. That's what is important. Try, try, try.<P>(BLOCK that da*n phone no. of OW's. As much as I advocate decision-making equality even in the harshest of circumstances, I wouldn't personally think twice about blocking now without a discussion. A lovebuster? Probably.) You CAN get past this traumatic Christmas. H and I had a horrible holiday season last year, in more ways than one. A person's hopeful spirit DOES rise again, and enjoyment returns. I promise. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<P>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Tammy</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Tammy</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Tammy</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Tammy</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Tammy</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I'm so sorry for you today...<P>I can't believe all this hurt right during the season of greatest joy!<P>I'm sorry I'm not in the right mood... or have the time today to respond... I'll hve all too much time withour my kids tomorrow to come back here and respond the right way.<P>My prayers for a very broken heart. <P>Jim

Swttmy,<P>Sorry things look so bleak for you. Hoping that Christmas will be a better day for you and your family.<P>Prayers and hugs,<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Thank you all so much for the kind words.It is a new day and he is still denying that what happened actually happened.I know he was calling HER when I walked int he door and I know she saw the number on caller ID and called right back.I feel if it was not her calling then he would have let me see the caller ID on the phone with no problem.I also KNOW for a fact that it was the OW that answered the phone when I later called the number because I know ehr voice and have talked to her many times.<P>Why,why oh why does he continue to deny this!!!The truth needs to come out now.I have told him I want him out the day after Christmas.It's obvious he still has feelings for this OW and me also.Well,I don't share my husband.I have been throught this reconciliation for 2 years and have been walking in this woman's shadow the whole time.Here I thought we were going to make it and then I find out he has never broken ties with her.<P>I hope you all have a merry christmas.Looks like it's not going to be so hot for me.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>