HI,

I AM 26, MY H IS 26 I FOUND OUT ON 02/15/04 THAT HE WAS CHEATING ON ME. THE NIGHT BEFORE WE HAD GONE OUT DANCING HE HAD SENT ME FLOWERS HE EVEN BOUGHT ME A NEW SET OF WEDDING RINGS. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR EIGHT YEARS, BEEN WITH EACHER FOR TEN. I ASK HIM TO LEAVE OUR HOME AND TO GIVE ME SPACE. WE HAVE TWO GIRLS 5 AND 7 WHO LOVE THEIR DADDY VERY MUCH. HE MOVED OUT TWO DAYS LATER. I TRY TO MOVE ON WITHOUT HIM BUT I MISS HIM SO MUCH HE WANTED TO TRY TALKING TO SOMEONE SO I WENT, I LATER CAME TO FIND OUT HE WAS STILL SEEN THE OTHER WOMAN, I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE THAT I DIDN'T NEED HIM OR WANT HIM IN MY LIFE I START TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE , THEN ON MARCH 11 HE CALLED TELL ME HE LOVE ME THAT HE NEEDED ME, HE EVEN CALLED THEN OW AND TOLD HER HE LOVE ME AND WANT TO BE WITH ME, WE START DATING I GUESS HE HAD MOVED BACK AGAIN. BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM I KNOW I LOVE HIM, BUT HOW DO I LET GO OF THE PAIN THAT I FEEL INSIDE. PLEASE HELP ME

Hi BB and welcome to MB.

You will find a lot of helpful info here. Please start by reading the concepts section above. Then if you and your H can take the EN questionnaire listed there you will both find out what each of your ENs are.

Also get ahold of the books Suriving and Affair and His Needs/Her Needs. Both are by Dr W. Harley.

Read them and post back to us.

L.

blissbabe,
this is a very tough thing you're going through right now. everything is new and raw like open wounds.

this is going to take time, there is no QUICK fix. Trust will take a long time to rebuild. You'll have to learn how to deal with anger and resentment.

He'll need to prove himself to you now. Give him a chance, and start communicating with hima about all you're feeling. Don't yell, scream, insult, just be honest, exactly like you were here. This will give him a starting point to rebuild what you lost through his infidelity.

You'll get a lot of support here as well, from BS's and FWS's. This site has helped me so much, my marriage would probably be over by now if it wasn't for this site.

Try to keep your chin up as best as you can, and you'll be able to work through this regardless of the outcome.

BB, I found out, or at least started finding out about W's(wife's) A (affair) on 2/17/04. I came to this site for the same reason you have. My first post was titled "dazed and confused" and I couldn't understand how I could ever get over my hurt and anger. My W and I have been married almost 12 years and have three children so I didn't want to just throw in the towel.

If you want your M (marriage) to work this is the place to be. I second the advice that you read read read on the main part of the web site. Posting is good for venting, support and some advice but the info in the main body of the MB (marriage builders) site is a live saver.

I honestly never thought I could trust my W again and I'm not sure I ever will in the same way I did before, however, if you read Dr. Harley's work he will help you understand how to deal with issues like trust.

Best of luck to you and always remember IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!