After so much pain... and confusion.. and so much still goes on. For some reason I want closure, but I still didn't meet the OW FACE TO FACE! It just didn't happend. I really want to meet the ow and tell her what? Nothing just to look at her... see what she is like.. see what my husband what missing at home. It's like I want to meet her, but I just want to keep her in my imagination somewhat.. I've only seen one picture... just a 500 lbs whore... and she's gross looking. H said she was big, but clean ha ha ha.. okay whatever.. I dunno I just wanna talk to her. just see what was going on in her head. Inotice her in the chatroom....I itch to say something, but it will open a whole can of worms..she knows its me....she never open a word to me. LOL cuz I would cut her like salmon, but I want to just punch her face. Before I didn't but when my H told her he wanted to stop the affair, she was pushing so...for that she disrespected me.. and after she told me she would stop but continued to want to lick his balls. I am not going sour and mad.. I seem to not really care anymore wether my husband wants to go back toher.. but he wants to stay with me and doesn't even want to think about her nomore.. but see I can't forgive or forget.. I just want some closer in my heart.

harudah -

The A was probably not so much about the OW, than something lacking in your WH. If you get a chance, read "Torn Asunder". One chapter is called "The Message of the Affair".

Usually nothing is gained by meeting OW. I talked to her, but all she did is laugh. But also don't let your H sweep this under the rug and pretend like nothing happened. That is usually what they want to do, and then nothing is solved.

OMG... I'm going to FAINT!!! She just sent him msg saying "my baby, please send me a message to tell me how you are doing...I'm starting to be be worried. soft kisses." OMG OMG OMG>..... I cannot stop her from sending messages... I beleive my husband...he says he hasn't talk to her or msg her. ... I just don't know how to react when she does that.. after 2 months of being ignored she is still contacting her.

OMG I AM SHAKING!!!!!!!!! OMG..... I want to stop myself fromconfronting him.. I am not. The fact that he didn't tell me she wrote is not good.. not good at all. The msg was from yesterday. I am going to FL and just won't bother with my H anymore..... I just have ot have the guts to stay quiet for a while. He doesn't know that I can check his MSG without his permission...... no way I'm going to tell him that I know.

She will give up. It will take some time. Hang in there as long as he is not answering her back. Don't let him know that you can read the messages.

It will not be comfortable for you, but you can outlast her.

thanks beleiver.. I'm gonna act like I can't read the messages.. but my gastroentologist going to wonder........ I'm wasting away... I can't find my appetite anymore. I have enough trouble with my stomach...... I have to be strong.. I have to really be strong. and too late.. I already cursed her out in the chatroom, but she acted like she didn't know anything, but everyone helped me out and called her a true whore!! and I left my H phone open to know when she msg again. I am going to hold on to not knowing..

Thanks Beleiver.. I just have to act natural.

Girl! why are you stressing out so much?

Only stress if your H comunicates with the Orca.
Shes a pig in every way, we all know it and of course shes going to try to keep your H, shes 500lbs and nobody is going to hit the [censored]! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Tell your H to be honost with you and ask "if the OW has contacted him in any way". How about letting him know if he lies he's gone.

I think half the cheaters out there like to see their spouse in misery, thats why they do it. Dont play the game, win it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

harudah - You have been doing very well for so long, just hang in there. If it happens again, might be time for Plan B.

bog - Have you done your MIL or SIL yet?

Whats are those?

mother in law and sister in law

The problem is not so much the OW, but your H. Believe it or not, he has self steem issues that he needs to work on. He sought confort in someone like him (emotionally) and was blind to what he already had. This is quite common in affairs. Do not dispair. You are not the problem and you are much better than he gives you credit for. So, do not fall victim to their games and allow him to see you like that. Show him that you are strong and more emotionally stable. You may be surprised to find out that wayward spouses usually have affairs with persons who are less attractive and have less to offer than their spouses. Lift your spirits, find time for yourself, pamper yourself and enjoy it!

Oh, heh, not yet, W hasnt vacationed or slept with any strangers she met on the internet recently.

My wifes sister isnt coming to visit like i had planned and like i said "her moms just to darn old". So i guess im going to have to do the girl in the next office over.

yeah... I didn't say anything. I am just throwing in the towel. I just haven't had the guts to do it... I also have to realize that I can do better without my husband than with. I do not trust him, and plus him not telling me that the OW called is bad... very bad.. And you are right bog! I am not going to be in misery. I have been strong for too long to fall apart.. He came home.. and I act like normal.. like I didn't discover anything. This is just my way to withdraw from my relationship. One of MB members told me that there is no gray area.. "YOU EITHER GO... or you STAY" there is no in between. She can win. lol.. cuz I don't want to fight no more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have to find my smile and be me again. With all the meds i've been on.. its time for me to pull myself together.. now if I freak out and show emotions each time... Bog I'd like to confront him, but I don't want him to know that I am looking at his msgs... that way I can find out more....then make the decision to go or to stay. It's all. I want to gather enough info.

Bog - you are too funny. I always enjoy your postings. I thought you were joking, but others here have told me you might be serious.

Harudah - Hang in there, sweetie. You have been doing very well. If you have to go to Plan B, and don't want to go to Florida, come stay with me on the beach in California. You can learn to surf and have fun in the sun. I live in a dumpy trailer in paradise. I do have an extra room. You could go to school until your H gets his head outta his [censored].

aaww you're so sweet beleiver. I will not be in B. I don't feel like it. Like that MBer told me "either you want to or you don't..no in between." As of today, our relationship is over.. no more Plan A for me. I don't want to deal with this no more. I'm 22, smart, pretty, and a hard worker. I do not need my husband I just wanted to have a normal family since mine sucked big time. My plan didn't go as followed. Even when I have no evidence that he has been in contact with her.........in my heart, I can't. I don't love him like I used to. I would only use him for sexual needs.. the rest.. well.. I am not connected to him anymore. My sexual needs can be met by me and I. hehehe I might sound like bog all of a sudden, but he is right about a lot of stuff.

I didn't say anything. I think its smart that I don't.........I should have done that a long time ago. Now I have the guts to not spill my guts out and show him my weakness. I should start my way in the single market <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .
Too many ballers wanting to have a girl like me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Harudah -

Whoever told you that is wrong. You need to go to Plan B if that is how you feel. Anyway the offer is still open.

I live in Oceanside, CA. Home of 50,000 Marines. You could go to school and find a new love in about 3 days. So think it over girl. I have two sons 19 and 22. They go to college and go surfing everyday. If you feel like you need a break, come here.

becareful what you ask for beleiver <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I might just show up. Your kids are my age. I should be doing that.... surfing.. swimming.. enjoying life. I am considering your offer though. I need to get away.. disappear for a while. Some time to myself is needed.....yeah I need that feeling back. ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks a lot I was just about to get off the rollercoaster then.. BANG!

I wonder if he can feel that I know.. I'm going to do some of my workout and take my shower...sleep it over.. but one thing I'm absolutely sure about is time to myself. I am also preparing for my travel.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> big hugs***

Harudah -

I am an old lady, but have a heart for younger women. I had a horrible time when I was a teen. I could not get along with my dad or mom, but now we are great friends, and I love them very much. I moved out when I was 17, and it was a real struggle.

Over the years, I have had 4 different girls live with me while going to school. One was thrown out of her house, one in an abusive relationship, one had parents that were drug addicts, and one that was PG and alone. I go to work everyday, and the girls pretty much lived their own lives.

I think that my background has helped me to realize that sometimes, women just need a helping hand to get on their feet. I still have contact with all 4 girls and they are doing fine.

I"m getting smarter! I did it..I passed the whole day...a acting like I don't know anything. THis morning before he left the house..since after the affair he has becoming closer to me in some ways.. and the resentment I had for lack of emotions in our relationship. WHen he comes back from work I know he wants to kiss me.. but I give the cold shoulders, but every morning he comes and sits near the bed and hold me while I'm asleep and kisses and wish me to have a good day. I'm mostly asleep by then.. Maybe I need to let my guards down a bit... I dunnooooooooo you know what people say "There is a thin line between love and hate". It's like that with me......ther eis very thin line. See today.. I close my blinds.. all my shutters like noone live in this house.. I took my anti anxiety pill and waiting to go to sleep until 2...then I'm going to the park and take a nice long walk.. should remind myself to wear comfortable shoes.. and try not to look sexy lol..... I just gonna in the sun....and write my poems. WHen I write it brings out my biggest fear, but what my heart is feeling. MY head in the other hand is thinking of SCHOOL and MONEY! so I'm just hanging in there.... I hope i can fall asleep.. I'malready a bit dozy...
I also been dressing a lot sexier than before... checking myself in the mirror, wearing make up.. its an outside transition to affect the inside....

Well that's it for today. I didn't say a word, but it was hard.....but I am looking foward to the next message. he didn't reply and she sent it on monday..sooo I'm wondering... and he didnt reply on the 26 of february either.

I love this man, but I hate him for being stupid. I know he loves me and try to help me be the best person I can be. I feel like I stopped beleiving in him for a long. I somewhat contribute to his pain. Telling your spouse that you hate them isn't a good either...... Maybe I should be doing a better plan A....but I don't have the courage to.

Well that's all my babbles and thoughts without all the emotional crap used to put on. I tell it like it is and not just blamming him for being *******... I know I can be one too... its true!

Haruda -

Well, it sounds like so far, so good. If WH continues to have NC, things will get better. Have you read the "quick clicks" here on the home page about restoring the marriage and overcoming resentment?