I read it last night and also the letters to Dr. Harley.. a lot of stuff and that I bring back up the affair.. and that I shouldn't forgive. I should try to get a payback...... just like that $10,000 your friend owe you.. and that you should expect them to pay you back. Well.. I want a payback but in relationship terms. I want my EN's met... THis is maybe why I am so mean at times.. MY EN's are not being met.
I try to tell him little by little of what I need, but he says "you don't need that". Also today since I slept all day.. he sent me 5 messages.. he came home in heat wondering if I am ok and that I didn't send him any messages. I open up and let him kiss me today.

And he is just talking so much about work ect...
Things seems to be going better at work... oh well... Anxiety pills work..hehe

Harudah -

Have you posted on the recovery forum? I think you are almost there. But your WH has to take your needs seriously. Hang in there, girl, you can do this.

I am back witht he daily phone check.. I looked at the call list... this phone record always the last 3 number someone may call.. and all sent msgs and all incoming msgs.. he doesn't know how to stop that from happening yet .... well he deleted the last message she sent it seems. I didn't see any sent messages or attempts. Hiding this from me is in noway going to help. I doesn't know that I actually can look at everything since I do not own a cellphone myself hehe... anyways....... his mood switch from being really good when he got a home to a deppressing mode.. I guess because of all the goodbye songs i've been playing. He said he wanted to watch the game and I hate to watch game.. he wasn't really watching but playing in his laptop.. and I wanted tos ee something else, but he didn't let me and said it the semi final.. so I let it slide, but he went to the shower and didn't bother to watch the rest of the game.. weird.

there is still 50/50 chance this marriage will work or it won't.. there positives and there are negatives.... and I need to see if I am better off without him.

You are young and can move on. However you need to address your emotional needs with WH. Tell him he is not meeting your needs, and whether or not he agrees with them, they are still there.

YOu're sweet beleiver... but I stayed... the limit is 6 months isn't it? I am not putting a timing to this. I just have some time to figure it out.. and things like that are hard. I spent the whole day today knocked out sleeping.. I didn't even get to go to the park. It's raining outside.... and H is already in bed. So I'm practically alone most of the time to figure things out which is good.. and when I am with people I hate it also....... I have to plan my picnic again for today and tell my H to put the alarm clock when he tells me bye in the morning. Well... I am slowing down which is really in itself a good thing. I am not presurring anything, not even myself. I am letting nature take its course. "On peux pas empecher ce qui doit arriver..on ne peux pas changer la saison de l'annee." a song of mine.. " We can't really stop what has to happend, we can't stop the seasons of the year." Destiny will talk for itself.

This is just for me.. I found on a website.... I thought it was good.. to find the guidelines.

When is it time to leave? What happens if surrendering or making the decision to love doesn't work? It may be time to leave a marriage when:


There is physical or emotional abuse or serial adultery.

There is sustained resentment, agony, pain or unhappiness and you have no more energy to fight for your relationship.

You've mentioned your needs, which aren't unreasonable, and your spouse refuses to answer those needs.

You are more sad than happy in your marriage.
This could be a wake up call to couples who are taking their marriages for granted. You need to be willing to fight for your relationship.

Many agree with Krasnow that marriage is worth the struggle. In an interview, she stated, "Nothing or no one can make us happy all the time. You have to let go of fantasy and embrace the grind of reality and you'll have a real chance of going the distance. Feelings of rage and malaise are a normal part of a long-term relationship and not reason to bail. They're reasons to work harder, talk more, have more sex, whatever it takes to restore civility and intimacy. Marriage is tough, but divorce is worse."

However, marriage is also joyous, fulfilling, and fun. Sometimes, in the midst of daily living, couples forget the positive aspect of being in a marriage relationship.



~ Sheri & Bob Stritof

Hi harudah
Im glad to see you stayed and gave your marriage a chance. It seems your H is showing some positive signs and some negative.

You need to explain to him, the importance of the PORH and then ask him if he has had any messages from OW.

Avoid LBs, and make sure you look after yourself. How are you spending your time at the moment? Are you doing anything productive?

Sending lots of love xxx

unfortunately I haven't been very productive.. the last month... I didn't spend so much time online.. which was good.. cuz H took some time off and we went off to Amsterdam.. and other places.. parks.. and it seemed like we were rebuilding something... he even left his cell phone at his mom's house for two weeks.... and didn't even care.

I wouldn't have been productive even if I had the guts to stay and finish my classes, I would get only F"S .. I started with C's .. I couldn't handle it! It was too much for me.. I wasn't focusing even in school.. now I have the medication.. I am doing better. I have a better head on my shoulders.

I listen to music and play the sims all day... or go to the park by myself.... oh well.. it gives time to relax and take care of myself.. workout.. plus its been two weeks since I've missed my period, not a very good deal.. it could be stress .... I'm going to check it out... but you see I have to go for a colonscopy because there has been abnormalities with me.. I've been throwing up a lot... blood...my physical health isn't the best........before I go to USA I must go for another test to see what my doctor says because I get better coverage in Belgium than in USA.

Anyways emotionally... its been crappy for 2-3 days now..but I think I'm going to pull out.. its a phase...

Thanks for checking up on me sweetie.. missed you on the boards. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks harudah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I hope your health improves soon, you must remember that stress and too many meds is not good for your health.

Going for walks is good, playing computer games all day is not.

If you wanted to resume studying, it is quite possible that you could study part-time through distance learning from england. Try searching for the open university or the national extension college.

Wishing you luck xxx

are you serious? There is really something of distant learning? I thought it was just a joke or a scam. If I knew, I would have done that a long time ago. I like going to classes though..meeting new people, but for the time I can get myself together distant learning would be the best thing for me. ... I am going to do some research.. so if you know anything about it don't be afraid to ring me on it.

Thanks sweety

My mum is in her 4th year of an open university degree. What happens is you choose modules one at a time, so you can top up the credits you already have. You can do modules on their own just out of interest or you can go ahead and get a full degree, as fast or as slow as you want. You can take a break from it if you need to.

Go to www.open.ac.uk

Or even better:
http://www3.open.ac.uk/near-you/worldwide/countries/Belgium.shtm

thanks.. I'm going to call and get more information about it.. I was going to vesalius and it was costing more 20,000 a year... sighs***