Thank you for being here with me. I know I'm not the first person this has happened to but I feel like mine is different, it helps so very much to know I'm not and that I'm not alone. Thank you for giving me hope, I can't see thru the next hour let alone the future. I have given H this site and he is very interested in all being said. He made an appointment for us for mon 26th. Did this without my badgering, is ordering from MB all the books that can help even a bit, seems very determined.I am here constantly, reading anything I can find. It help and it hurts.I thought our M was good, I thought I was giving 100%. I still have a million questions that come to mind right now are.but right now there are 2 I need answers for..How do you know a good MC from a bad one? How do you choose? If this one doesn't help do you find someone else? And to me even more important...I want all the details, everything ...is this normal? H says when I ask its like he might just as well kick me, because the answers hurt so bad. Youre all wonderful, thanks again.

Green,
Listen to what your H is telling you. For everyone it's different, some want all the details, little bit at a time. Others get to the point they want to know NO more because it's just too painful.

Remember this, your H may not be able to recall the details you like because the whole relationship was based on lies, smoke and mirrors. It was an illusion, so recalling fantasy is a bit harder than recalling true life.

For me...I THOUGHT I wanted all the details, but am glad I drew a line in the sand and said..okay you know what, this isn't helping me one bit. It sure didn't help me move past it...it kept rearing it's ugly head. One time I found a hotel receipt and questioned questioned questioned...set me back, was depressed for a day or two...sick to my stomach, crying...how could MY H do this ?

We had marital problems for a good 6 months, but I never THOUGHT this would happen.

But it did, like it happens to so many people. I can walk away, but I love my H so much...and I had forgotten how much he meant to me. We got a second chance at this...and we're going to do the best we can. It takes a really strong foundation to even try to reconcile....you are in a good place and your chances are outstanding with the support of your H.

Good for both of you for wanting to save your precious marriage.

Greenmachine -

There is counseling available here by phone. Expensive, but they get to the point quickly. Also Penny at www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com has phone counseling.

Both are also good at talking to the WS. Aslo both sites have info on picking a marriage counselor. Be careful, there are some bad ones out there that are a waste of time.

green,

You know a good MC because they are PRO MARRIAGE. Don't be afraid to ask before even going if they are pro-marriage. There's an article on this website about How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor.

Your million-and-one questions is VERY NORMAL! I would advise you, before you ask questions, consider whether the information you're requesting will help you become a better spouse, or if it will put ugly "movies" in your head. For example, rather than asking "How many times did you do it?" ask "Is the frequency of our lovemaking acceptable to you?". Instead of asking "Where did you guys go for fun?" ask "Are there any recreational activities you'd like me to participate in with you?"

Your H's reluctance to tell you in an attempt to "protect you" is also VERY NORMAL. It took my H months - over a year - to realize that the greatest gift he can give me is honesty. OW has never really understood that she is NOT part of the picture any more, and has a nasty habit of testing the waters from time to time (yes, even 2 years later <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). My H's reaction to a hangup call or an "anonymous" card in the mailbox used to be to delete the callerid or throw away the card. He didn't want to upset me. Now he finally understands that showing me the callerid or the (unopened) card is a huge gift! Sure being reminded of her is a pain but KNOWING THAT HE IS HONEST WITH ME tells me we are on the same team again, and that is more important than anything in the world to me.

Just keep explaining it to your H in different ways and he will eventually "get it" and provide all the answers you need. It sounds like he's really doing his best and then some.