In desperation, I've found this site. My husband (of 2 years) has not had an actual affair, but he's been involved in illicit internet activity for a long time. I first became suspicious before we even got married. It was 3 months into our marriage that I discovered his internet chat/email activity. It was bad enough that he was seeking out sexual conversation, etc. on the internet, but I discovered that he has a predilection for teenaged girls. We went into therapy and have remained there for the duration of our marriage. Throughout the 2+ years, he's continued to promise that he's not going to engage in this behavior any more, then I find out that he has been continuing. Our marriage therapist thinks that our marriage cannot be saved, and I am pretty much in agreement. My husband is in complete denial about what he's doing. He lies and covers up while telling me and our therapist that he's not engaging in the behavior.

He went back to school full time a year ago and I've been supporting us since February 2003. I'm so sad. I feel angry and resentful all the time. I feel so betrayed and used. I'm just so frightened by the idea of divorcing and starting all over again at 38. I haven't been able to bring myself to really think about divorce yet, but now I don't see how I can avoid it.

Does anybody have any words of wisdom for me?

Does he have any addictions? Why does he lie to you or why do you think he lies? As far as starting over, you should not be afraid. You are still young and the other thing is that you do not need to depend on anyone else, for that matter. But first, look into what could be done for him and give him an ultimatum. Perhaps he will respond.

I think this internet/young girls thing IS the addiction. He came home from school a little while ago and we had a long talk. I told him how I feel -- that I don't have any feelings left for him, don't trust or respect him, and that I am not at all sure our marriage can be saved. He said he'd do anything he has to do to save it. He's said that before, though, so I'm not putting all of my faith in that. He's called his individual therapist for guidance and I've insisted that he begin attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings. His internet access has been removed from our computer. I've set a timeframe of December - if the professionals we're involved with can't definitely tell me that he's making real progress and moving beyond denial, we're separating.

Has anyone else had any experience with anything like this? I know there hasn't been physical sexual contact, but this feels like as much of a sexual betrayal as anything.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">this feels like as much of a sexual betrayal as anything</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's because it IS a betrayal.

does md = Maryland?

I ask only because I'm in Md as well.

Please tell us your ages and whether you have any children. First marriage?

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Hi LnMD: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does anybody have any words of wisdom for me?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he doesnt go the his first SA meeting within 2 days: RUN

Your MC of 2 years knows more about your situation than I ever could. It's a horrible way to live. I was looking at my 2nd D at 34 because of this. I was fully prepared to execute and I really didnt want to be a 2-time 'looser' at 35. But I was through. I was broken. I was done. It's so heartbreaking, as you fully know.

We found my H an IC who specialized in SA. Pretty expensive, but worth it. Any chance to get him to one? Please take care of yourself. This isnt about you. - Dru

worthatry: Yes, we're in Maryland. I'm 38 and he's 41. My first marriage, his second. No children in the picture.

Drucilla: His therapist feels, as do I and as does our counselor, that his addiction is rooted in delayed emotional development. His mother died at 15 and nobody ever talked about it. Family just moved on. That's about the age he's stuck at. Mkaes sense that he'd feel comfortable with teenaged girls. That knowledge does not, of course, make me feel any better nor does it make his behavior acceptable. What it does mean is that there is therapeutic recourse.

Yes, we are open to the expense of a sexual addiction specialist. And I agree that he needs to being SA immediately.

Thanks for your support. The other stories have given me some shred of hope. I think I'll be checking back here often.