hi I'm new to the forum and I have all these questions and issues. first of all, I just got married two weeks ago but the week before my wedding I found out that my now husband had been unfaithful to me with his son's mother.

people keep telling me that when you have kids together then the possibility for a fling is always there. I do not have any children so I have no idea what people are talking about.

but now i feel trapped because i did agree to marry him and now i am so unhappy. i am so suspicious of him in general since he has NEVER been in a completely monogomous relationsip. before i found out i was so happy because i thouught that i made him happy. he tells me that he loves me but now i question that. He is not very affectionate and i wonder if it is me or because he still wants her. she lives less than a mile away from us and is now married and expecting a child. they ended the affair the month before she got married.

i just wonder if our marriage is doomed to failure or can it be salvaged. i hate always wondering where he is and what he is doing and why he is not paying attention to me. he says that i am everything that he wants and he just slept with her because she was dating his ex-roomate.

i told him i forgive him but i am still so angry. whenever i want to talk to him about it he gets angry too. i feel like i want to leave but then again i don't want to.

i hate her much more than i hate him because she was the one who initiated it. she said it was because he was leading her on and she felt like she needed closure. whatever.

i feel so miserable in what is supposed to be the honeymoon stage of our life.

Does her husband know? If not, tell him. When the dust settles, everything will be much clearer.

Read "Surviving an Affair". That will also clear up a lot of things for you.

You still married him after you found out that he had the affair? I'm a little confused. Well, what is done is done, but explain a little bit more. How did you find out? DId he tell you? Do tell his ex's husband. He needs to know.

Welcome, read Plan A <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by johnh39:
<strong> Does her husband know? If not, tell him. When the dust settles, everything will be much clearer.

Read "Surviving an Affair". That will also clear up a lot of things for you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes her husband does know. It is actually very complecated, at least to me. We all know each other. Her husband, as I said, was my husbands roomate before we moved in together. When they moved out from each other, and on good terms, he started dating my H's ex. Then she got pregnant, ended the pregnancy and was married by oct/nov. all of this happened in a matter of a few months.

she accuses me of stealing her man because I "knew" how she felt about him even though they had not been together for two years when we started dating. I mean not together at all, not dating, not living together, not sleeping together, but she wanted him back to reunite her family. he told her that he did not want that and she went around complaining to everyone around that he was this, that and the other (we all went to the same church together). she was livid when we got engaged and told him that she needed closure and that's when they slept together. it lasted for a few months and then she got married.

he said it was all about getting back at him (old roomate) but i don't know. Her H and i have talked, he confronted my H, I confronted her and now i'm just trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces and how to stop this from happening again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Harudah:
<strong> You still married him after you found out that he had the affair? I'm a little confused. Well, what is done is done, but explain a little bit more. How did you find out? DId he tell you? Do tell his ex's husband. He needs to know.

Welcome, read Plan A <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">well yes i married him after i found out. I overheard them talking about it on the phone the week of the wedding and i confronted him about it that night. today, i don't know why i still wanted to go on with the wedding. i guess i felt that we needed to be locked into each other because it's not like we were married before. i thought that maybe the commitment of marriage would make him more serious about me. but now i just feel really insecure.

she is pregnant now by her husband and i hoping that now that she has a connection with him she will leave my husband alone. her H said he would not have married her when he did if he had know what was going on because it happened right after they moved in together.

I really do love my husband and I want it to work but in my gut i feel like it will not. am i creating a self-fulfilling prophecy? He is sweet and stuff but now i have all these guards up like no kids until he can reassure me that he is for real about us and i just feel like there is a part of me that i am not giving to him for fear of him hurting me again.

I had a feeling that they were messing around before and i just couldn't prove it even thought i confronted bothe of them about it. Her H wouldn't listen to me either. but like i said i want this to work, how can it. do i just need to forget about it. i told him i forgave him but i'm still angry. i really have hate in my heart for her and i know what everyone says about hate but that is how i feel and i refuse to feel any other way because i feel like it is guarding me from her as well.

that's all for now.