Sounds like you are doing pretty good.
Stay strong,show him that you are strong with or without him.Sometimes I think when they are so used to us crying and begging them not to leave(not that you do that)that when they see a strong woman they are very attracted to it.At least that is how I see my H.

I'm glad you had company I think that helps to keep you busy so that you dont have to dweal on what your H might or might not be doing.

Take care,stay strong and keep posting it really helps.

H just called. He's finally in Virginia at his bosses house so he sounded relieved and calmer.He said he loves us all very much. I wished him a happy fathers day.Is there a book or something on how to become a b$^#$.I need lessons.I'm so nice I'm making myself sick.He looked into prices of a flight for me 450.00.He doesn't have the money so he says but that's ok.I didn't want to go anyway.He said he'd be back on Wed or Thur.Doubtful.I just listened to him.I'm just trying to figure out what to do when he gets back.

I know things have to change for me.It's hard.Today he actually told me he missed me and loved me very much.I have to constantly remember what he's lke when he's home.How frustrated he is all the time and how difficult he deliberatly makes things.It's like he doesn't want to be happy here with us but he wants everything his way in the mean time.I don't want to be repeating myself in this forum next summer.Right now he's being very loving over the phone but I have to stay in reality and I know that can change at any moment.Everytime I see his number on the caller ID now I'm afraid I'm going to hear "babe we have to talk".He told me he didn't have to go to OH now(so he says)so where is he going to be for the next week and a half.As far as what do I want? I want my H back not this strange person I've been living with but I don't know how to reach him to bring him back to me.I don't want things the way they were before either I want better.When he gets back I know he's going to expect me to be good old mand and listen to his exciting adventure and see his pictures and accept his gifts but just the thought of it is depressing to me.Maybe it would be better if I just wasn't around.I'm afraid of moving out because I'll loose us forever,but I know that may have to happen in order for him to see.He was so happy without us here and I'm seeing him continuing the behavior but I'm right in front of him and it seems it doesn't matter.How heart crushing.How can he say he loves me and then behave the way he does.It doesn't make sence to me.I'm really trying to understand it all.It's very confuseing.I'm dreading Friday I think that's when he's meeting her but I can drive myself crazy speculating.I'm just lost right now.I just wish he'd stop pretending.I don't know how I'm going to react to him when he gets back knowing he's been with someone else again.Alot has changed with me since last summer.I remember picking him up at the airport and the kids hugged him, afterwards he put his hands in his pockets and walked right by me he did say hello though,I asked him if he was ok and he teared up.We drove home in silence.I remember when he used to feel that way about me and how we never wanted to let go of each other.I've lost the fight and I have to accept that irrigardless of how loving he sounded today on the phone.When he said he missed me I couldn't say it back because within my heart I know it's not the truth.If it is it's just for that brief moment and it sounds good.I miss my H the man I used to trust and never had a fear or doubt the person that would look at me and see me not comparing me to someone else.I've lost and that's so hard for me to say but knowing my H he's already at a hotel getting everything ready to meet her.He left here with 240 minutes on his phone.I've only talked to him for 20-30 of them the whole time he's been gone.He had to buy more minutes today as a matter of fact.So where do I go from here.Face him with reality when he gets back and take my chances or live like this the rest of my life.The second is not an opption for me.At 40 years old I've already had a proceedure done to my heart to fix a problem.I can honestly see where the saying "died of a broken heart"came from,modern technology saved mine.I've come to realize I'm afraid of loosing him and I don't know how to get over that fear.He got involved with someone else to ease his pain when we separated 3 years ago and that changed him but I can't see myself doing that.I don't know how to let go.I must of been a swan or a wolf in my past life they mate with one forever even if one dies.I'm sorry I'm just having a bad moment right now.It must of been the "I miss you".Thank you again

I understand what you are saying.You have given him your life and you feel like he has thrown you and all you have done for him away.

I am like you,I dont want this life,I dont want this M,I want better,I want the man I trusted with my life the sad thing is they are forever gone.They have the power to be more than what we want and need they have the power to be everything to us,but it is up to them.

We have fears,but we also have strength that maybe we did not think we had.
I have been w/my H for so long I cannot even think of being w/someone else or that anyone would want me or love me.But the truth is there probably is someone else out there but there is the fear of facing this pain again,and sometimes the unknown is more scary than living like we are.

Take care,and try and stay strong

Hey Gingersnap
How are you?I tried IMing you.I guess I did it wrong or something my name shows up as petals1703.I guess I'm just in a rut today.It goes in waves.I'm dreading him comming home because I'll have to face the fears again.
I don't want to hear how many orgasums this one had.When do I call it quits.I know I'm strong and I'm not afraid of being by myself at all.I've discovered I can't call him.The phone says I need a special code or something.I don't know if I should anyway.It would be nice if we could at least say goodnight to each other but that hasn't happened yet.Oh Gingersnap what do I do gotta go.....

I know how you feel.It is so hard keeping all these feelings inside that is why posting helps so much.

The next time he calls tell him you tried to call but it said you needed a code see what his reaction to this, this may help you know more on what is going on with him also.

At my house as long as I keep my mouth shut and he is happy all is well,the problem is inside I am dying and I feel like I am living a lie.Is that fair??

I wish so much I had the answer for you.But I do feel you have given more than enough time for him to change and make a better life for you.
The M can not work with only one partner doing all the work.

Good luck and try and get some rest while you can.

Hi
I did ask him about the phone and he said it was probably the phone he bought"it's not the greatest and it's pissing me off","I haven't been getting calls from anyone".When he called today I could bearly hear him due to interference.I even called Quest to see if it was our home phone and it's not. He said he missed me and loved me and started telling me all the places he went yesturday.It depressed me.He's living and I'm here.The thing is I know we'll never do those things together now.I'll just be able to see his pictures.I didn't get a chance to ask him what he was going to do for the next week and a half.His boss left to go to a convention out of state and my H told me he didn't have to go to OH so????Even if I would of asked him I wouldn't of heard him very well anyway.He'll said he'll be home Wed or Thur.That gives me a week to think of how I'm going to handle the situation when he gets home.I'm more curious to see if he changes on me after Friday.I guess I'm just preparing myself because I know how he is when he's with someone else right down to the tone of his voice.
I'm trying also to think of myself and how I would be by myself with the kids.They've been so good for me.They've helped in the house and they make their own meals.They check on me to see if I'm ok.The only thing is our sleeping schedule is totally out of wack.Oh well...I just wish I could get out of this depressive state I'm in.I can't stop thinking of how she's metting him somewhere and possibly help him drive back part way.Speculating again.

I'm sorry things still have not gotten better.
I really dont know what else you can do,you seem to be doing a great plan A with him.What more can he want a wife that loves him like you and some great kids.

I hope he wakes up before it is too late.
Take care.Keep posting.

There's nothing I can do anymore.I've begun a letter to him explaining what I know and how I feel about things.It's hard because I don't know where he is right now.He could be shacked up with A#3 or going to OH to see A#1 from last summer.I just remember a question he asked me about a week before he left.He said "what would you say if I told you that A#1 had a baby last month and it's a boy and that's why I'm really going to OH?".All I could think of was "congratulations",he started laughing and said he was joking. Maybe that's his plan but he had to feel me out first to see my reaction. I can't call him because I need a special code to call.So I have to wait until he calls me.Such controle he has. I hate it because it works in his favor.I'm sure if he is with someone he wouldn't want his wife calling him.Sorry but it's just irritating....So right now I don't know where he is....

There's nothing I can do anymore.I've begun a letter to him explaining what I know and how I feel about things.It's hard because I don't know where he is right now.He could be shacked up with A#3 or going to OH to see A#1 from last summer.I just remember a question he asked me about a week before he left.He said "what would you say if I told you that A#1 had a baby last month and it's a boy and that's why I'm really going to OH?".All I could think of was "congratulations",he started laughing and said he was joking. Maybe that's his plan but he had to feel me out first to see my reaction. I can't call him because I need a special code to call.So I have to wait until he calls me.Such controle he has. I hate it because it works in his favor.I'm sure if he is with someone he wouldn't want his wife calling him.Sorry but it's just irritating....So right now I don't know where he is....

Did he end up ever calling you??

I think a letter is a good idea,that way you can put all your thoughts down.He can read them without worry of how you will react.I find when I am at the end of my rope I ususally express my feelings to my H by email.

I hope that you can find just a little joy in the day.

Take care talk to you soon.

No he didn't. He called me last night though and he sounded weired very tired monotone like he was on something or had had a few drinks but he said he didn't.He's comming home this Saturday or Sunday.He said he's going to stop off and visit another friend from his chat room.It was just a weired conversation,he wouldn't tell me where he had been or what he had been doing because he's bought the kids and me stuff and it would give it away if he told me which didn't make sence to me.I was so close to asking him if he was alone or if he had met OW yet but I didn't I just listened to him talk about how well his car has done. He said he probably wouldn't call me again until he leaves or starts the drive back home so we could track him incase something goes wrong.Funny he wasn't concerned about us knowing where he was on the way there.Where ever that is.I'm really nervous now knowing he's comming home in a couple of days.I didn't expect him home until next weekend.I don't know how I'm going to react to him.I'm really hurt and angry right now.I just don't want to deal with what I was before he left and I don't want him to stare at me and compare me to OW.This is going to be hard.How do I build up my self esteem which throughout the years he's torn to shreads....Are there any sites or books out there for help with this?.....Thank you

I am so sorry that this is happening.I dont know the words to share to tell you how to regain your self esteem.I struggle with the same thing,my H will ask me why I think so little of myself and I tell him it is years of him putting me down.

I'm not sure of any books but I am sure there are some out the.

What I have seen from your posts and emails is that you are a very kind,loving person remember he is the one with the low self esteem or he would not need to be puffed up by OW and fantasy's that will never come true.

Take care and stay strong.

I wish I had the money to purchase some of the programs SAB.Thank you for the info though.
H is on his way home now.I spoke with him earlier today after I figured out the long distance code on the phone.Why didn't he tell me.So all this time I haven't been able to call him even just to say goodnight.It just dawned on me today that he's able to call his boss in VA how does he do it so I called the phone company and asked them.After going though 3 different numbers I finally worked it out."I'm surprized you were able to call me" he said.I can't help but think he knew about the code the whole time but didn't tell me.He said he was very tired and his voice was very stern and monitone again.I'm nervous.I don't know how I'm going to react when he gets back.I'm curious about his reaction to me and how he'll approch me.I'm just going to bite my tounge for a few days to see what he'll do or what I'll hear.If he did meet OW then he'll be distant from me for awhile just like before.I've had time to look at myself since he's been gone and how I feel now compared to last summer and I haven't missed him.I'm more angry at the deception.For the past two weeks I've been wondering whats been missing off the dresser and it just dawned on me, the big candle that used to be there is now gone.I first noticed something funny about a week before he left.Now I know.Lets see if it reapears when he comes back because it was on a brass pedistal and it's gone too.This whole thing has been weired.He's done alot of sight seeing but that's all he's told me he's done. Well sorry to keep going on and on....Thank you

Why do you keep this going on? First off, when you came to the website youi told us that he is lazy, he doesn't do anything for the kids...and he is mean to you most of the time.. Why do you stick around? Girl you need a boost of self confidence.. I know its easier said than done, but you gonna have to do it.. or your words are lagging. It seems like you accept the affairs, you've become comfortable with knowing your man is with another even though it hurts, but you're used to it. You make him think its ok by acting like it is ok not to start a fight.. or lose the father for the kids.

You said that he isn't even a good father... WHY ARE YOU STILL ALLOWING HIM INSIDE YOUR HOME! I know some women stay with all the abuse because the dad is the breadwinner and they do not want to lose that support.. but he hasn't been there for sexually, emotionally, physically... he isn't or hasn't a partner to you on ANYTHING! It's me that's pulling this its you that said all this.. I've been reading your thread all throughout.. IS THERE ANYTHING GOOOD about this man that makes you want to stay? I don't say leave him, but what I am saying is to follow MB healing procedure.. You can't even do Plan A because he is a serial cheater... you have one week up and one week down depending on who he is seing. With all the time he spend with other women he could have been spending it with you and the kids.

I'm sorry, but I thought someone should open the light up for you.. maybe you'll realize that you should go on plan A for real, but with him OUT of the house.......funny but you've been develop a passive aggressive behavior that's killing you. You want to say "whatever he does is okay as long as he is still there like a statue." it's like carrying Dead weight around.

Know I say this because I care. I don't want to see you hurt anymore girlfriend, I know its hard when you have kids and everything, but this is killing your HEALTH then who's going to take care of your kids?
Do you have family members you can look for support? Friends that you can talk to.. to reveal his secret life?

I agree, you really have to get your backbone up, make a plan for when he comes home and stick to it. He is not treating you with the respect you deserve, this will go on for the rest of your marriage because he does not see that there is anything wrong with it.

You need to explain to him, show him you are not going to live like this anymore, you really deserve better

Thank you Harudah and s1000.He wont leave.I spoke with an attourney and he told me there's really nothing I can do at this point.To go infront of a judge to have him removed it would cost money and a waiting period of upto 5 months for such a minor thing.I know I have to do something and thats what I'm afraid of because he's going to come home to a different person and I don't know how he's going to react.I don't want the conflict I've been through it enough to know what he's going to say and I don't need to hear it again.I don't even know how to approch him with this suspected affair.I want to see his reaction to me and that will tell a thousand words.How stupid of me to think he truely loves me and things could turn around.It's not going to until he gets help and changes his behavior.Even then I'm so deeply hurt I don't think any thing will erase what he's done to me and our family.If I was a bad person and a horrible wife I could understand and thats why it doesn't make sense to me.How many men have a wife who takes care of everything,works all day and gives him back or foot rubs every night.I've spoiled him rotten and I can see that now.It wasn't delibrate it's just the kind of person I am.I wonder why he hasn't left yet if he thinks things are so bad.Right now I'm just trying to deal with him comming home.I don't even know where he is now...Before he used to call me to let me know but this time is different.I think we're truely over....There's very little hope in me left.He builds me up just to push me back down.Maybe he did this delibratly to see what I would do and if I would leave so he can have the house all to himself and whoever just like he did 3 years ago.I'm definatly more angry now than I used to be and that's what I'm afraid of.I'm afraid of how I'm going to react also..I'm waiting for the bomb to drop.He did ask me when my next day off was going to be.I'll just have to wait and see I guess and try to maintain my sanity..

Well I am taking the first step and I am very afraid,but if I can do it you can do it.
I talked to my boss today I am taking a week of vacation and then a 30day leave.
He cant believe it,I told him "you kept telling me to leave,that you could not take it anymore now your wish has come true".He did not even tell me goodbye today when he left for work.

I cant believe after 27yrs that he does not love me,that he can just throw me away like this.It really hurts.

Well my sispitions are confermed.He picked up OW and went on their road trip together.I over heard a whole conversation he had with a buddy of his.I guess it didn't turn out like he planned and she didn't look like what he thought she did she said she was 34 but I guess she looked 50.They went to OH and visited some of their other chat buddies and while they were there partying she passed out 6 times or so and flirted with other men.I guess he couldn't get into having sex with her for some reason.
My H doesn't know I heard all this and I just discovered it today myself.No wonder he's being so nice to me,I mean really nice.He asks me if I want to go to the store with him which he never does.He's been very affectionate since he came back and considerate which I'm not used to.Just that behavior told me something happened.So OW is out of the picture now or I guess they're just friends now from what I heard him tell his friend.
It's funny I'm not even hurt or surprized,I'm numb,I guess I knew all along something was up.I'm just trying to figure out if,how and when I should bring it up.He's now talking about me and him going to FL to visit his buddy there.He wants us to take a trip together to OH also so I can go see the rock and roll hall of fame.Now that I've discovered all this today.I don't know whats going to happen.