Ok I've been thinking of this all day.Do you think I should reveil my evidence and tell him what I know?I'm just trying to think of the pros and cons if I do.

You know your H best,you know how he will react to this info.If it were me I would not hesitate to tell him what I know,to ask him questions.
You do not deserve being his backup if other things dont work out.That is how my H's A made me feel.You deserve to be #1 in his life,to be treated w/respect and love.

Now that I told H his wish was coming true and I was leaving he is telling me that he does not want me to go that he wants us to work thru this.Maybe this is his wake up call.........I only wonder if it is to little to late. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

My goal here is to save what marriage we have left and make it better. The only thing is my H changes so much and I don't know if it will ever be better.He could be in his chat room tonight and meet someone who sparks an interest.He has been telling certain people in his chat room about me though.He admitted last night that he's trying to bring me into the chat room to let people know that we're getting back together.I have heard him talk about me to his friends while he's been on the phone.He's even talking to his friend about us coming to visit him in FL.This is very hard for me,to act normal and supportive and loving knowing what I know.He's been so affectionate and considerate since he got back I'm not used to that anymore.He woke me up in the middle of the night last night kissing my face and said I love you and then went back to sleep.That's how we are with each other that's how we used to be but when he gets involved with someone else all that disappears.It makes me mad that he knows what hes done and he feels right now that he got away with it.Why did it happen to begin with and what gaurentee do I have that he won't do it again with someone else.That's my delema right now.No gaurentee is the scary part.I'm extremely affectionate.Even when we're sleeping we reach for each others feet.The little things like that are so important to me.I'm constantly touching him in some way.That's how I've always been.We sit or lay at opposite ends of the bed I automatically start stroking his back or rubbing his feet.After 19 years of marriage that's pretty special to have that much affection for eachother.Thats what makes it hard to understand why he's done what he has.If I do bring A up it will be the end of us and last summer I told him that I wont go through it again so he knows also.He still took the chance and that hurts.While I'm working to save our house he was working to wine and dine OW.That hurts.

Ok I'm in shock your not going to believe what my H did last night.He told everyone in his chat room that he was getting married to me.One of the ladies in his chat room even called him to talk to me cause she couldn't believe it.He told me that some of the people in there have been there for years and they knew we were separated years ago.I'm baffeled.He was talking to the lady who called last night and he said that he was going to let me chat in there with them and that they needed to think of a name for me.He said he was thinking of "Heavensent"because I was.I'm totally in shock.I can't believe it.He also told her that she can spread the word that he's now taken.This is a major thing.I'm still on my guard though I know things can change again....I pray they wont

I've been reading what you have posted, and I feel for you, but let him add you as a user in his chatroom and once you are in, tell everyone the truth about what he has been doing to you. He deserves this. No one should be treated the way he has treated you. Be strong!

I know this just could be calm before the storm lets say but I'm just taking things moment by moment.In the past couple of days he hasn't been on the computer hardly at all.He's been spending alot of time with me.Yesturday all he wanted to do was snuggle with me and take a nap and we did.All I could think about is do I finally have my H back, are "we" again.I don't know for sure.I know this could just be his insecurity he feels right now. It seems like he's a totally different person since he came back.I'm not used to his attention any more.I'm not used to him being concerned about me or my needs and all of a sudden it's like "what do you want to do today","how are you feeling","I'm so glad we're still together". Basically I'm just taking it for what it is right now because he's proven to me it could all be gone by the time I get home today.I'm finding that I don't feel anything when he says nice things to me now(this is a new discovery for me).It's like it doesn't matter because I don't know how sincere or truthful he is...Any way I'm just floating in the boat right now.We'll see what happens

Just to let you all know. Everythings still the same.I'm just taking things day by day.Thank you all so much for being hear.

Well I just found out that my H has lost the part time "work" he had.His so called boss is selling his shop.That's going to cause some static.It's always something with him.But whatever I just need to focus on what I want to do.Last night I was looking in a magazine and called about taking a home corse for "medical coding".So I should be getting that in the mail soon.It would be fun to work out of my home.I would have to keep this job too though.I'll see what it entails.

Sorry to hear about that,will he look for work??

How are you to doing??

It looks like I will be moving in 2wks.My job here ends on the 27th and I start training on the 29th at the new job.I am excited but scared all at the same time.I think this seperation will do H and I alot of good.

Hope your H is still treating you good.
Take care

Everything is going ok.I'm still on my guard though.I'm waiting for something to happen.He's been so nice and he's still spending time with me more than before.He's made plans for us to go out to a concert tonight.That hasn't happened in 3 years.I'm still focusing on me and the children.H has been more involved with them also and they are freeking out a little.I walked in the bedroom Sunday and he was playing "UNO"(card game) with our youngest.It felt good to see that.Usually it would of been no and he'd be chatting.I found out that he made plans for us to go to away next weekend for 3 days,just the two of us.I'm not used to this and I'm scared.I still have'nt mentioned his trip and OW.I haven't pushed to get into his chat room yet either.He doesn't mind now if I walk up to him if he's chatting.I'm just taking things slow.When we go to bed now he's touching me somewhere,our feet or he lays his hand on my leg or stomach.I'm just used to him with his back to me.I see the little things I missed coming back or surfacing and it scares me now.I'm still taking things day by day,moment by moment.That's all I can do.Saturday I was getting ready to go to the store.He hugged me then looked at me and said "God I love you""hurry back babe".I don't know what that trip did to him but I like having my H back even if its for a short time.....

Sounds like things are going good.
I am glad for you.
Even with me leaving my H only acted like he missed me for 2days.That is about par for the course w/him.

I am happy that you are happy,I hope it never changes.

Hello!
Still doing ok. My H and I had a very nice weekend together.We took lots of pictures.We went out to a nice restraunt and sat outside.The only thing is he kept bringing up A #1.Maybe they went to the same resort as we did I don't know but it kinda bothered me.We had a pretty good talk though.He still hasn't mentioned anything about his trip and A#3. I'm not going to push the issue.He's still not chatting like he used to.Things are going quite well right now and I'm still just taking things day by day.I received my info about going to school but I can do it at home.I'm looking into "medical coding"after I take the course I can work out of my home.So I'd keep my full time job and do the coding at home part time or whatever.I'm still staying focused on myself and what I want to do.I figure if I can take the course at home then I'd still be home with the kids and my H.My H is now having to look for a job.He's pretty stressed right now but we're getting along great.He's still being very affectionate.One of the pictures he took of me with a mountain background he made his wallpaper on his computer.When he pm's people now it has a picture of us in the bar we ate at.He tells me about the people in the chatroom more so now. Its definately different than it used to be.I'm still on my gaurd and I don't think I'll let that down for awhile.Things change too fast with him.It's like I'm waiting for something to happen or for him to say something to end us again.It's almost too good to be true, right now compared to what or how he was a month ago. It's like night and day. Well I gotta go
Thank you for being here......

Why am I still getting this very bad uneasy feeling? I've really had it bad today.I used to feel this way when he was talking to A#1.I haven't felt this for along time and I don't like it.A#1 still tries to contact him and I'm sure he talks to her when she does eventhough he's told me differently in the past. Maybe it's just me. I just don't like how I feel.With everything that's gone on it's even effecting me sexually now.I'm sorry to say but I fake it pretty good.There's always something in the back of my mind and I feel uncomfortable,my H can't tell though.I'm really trying hard to control my thoughts and suspisions.After last weekend with us being by ourselves in the motel and just being away with each other it was wonderful.I know how he feels now. When he went on his trip except I didn't make plans to meet anyone else.Now we're back home and it's the same old same old.Last night he did chat for quite awhile, I should be used to it by now but it hurt me.It's like two steps forward, one step back.Maybe it's just me I don't know....Thanks for letting me vent.

Hi I'm new. I need feedback regarding 1:00 am computer user h, when I get up to see what's going on he shuts it down and yells.

We have separated this past month, to get his finances straight (yeah I think that is what alot of H"s say).

Arrived at his apt. for a scheduled date and he had hickies all over his neck. I asked what had he done, he told me he had a one night stand.

After much crying on both of our parts, we agreed to counseling and decided to try to work things out. Went to mc and things were okay--was asked if he was ready to move back home and he answered no.

Sat. came and I went to his apt. and low and behold there on the table was a card sent from someone where we used to live. (we moved 3yrs ago), so now I run out of the apt. and have not talked to him since. He did not attend our session at counseling, but I did. If he would only fess up what is going on, maybe I could forget him and start over. My thoughts are driving me crazy.

This is my first post, my husband has been chatting and e-mailing a woman for over 2 years. I have always known about her, he always said they were "just friends" about 6 months ago he tells me that he thinks he may be in love with her.When they started talking I was working at night and he was at home alone with the children.
She lives in ARK. and we live in FL. 3 weeks ago he went to meet her. Before he left he told me that he wanted to be with me, but felt like this was something he needed to do. I let him go because I want him to be happy. I am not going to say that I have been the perfect wife, we were having problems when all this started and I have made some mistakes but they never involved falling in love with someone else. Since he has been back we are getting along great,but how long am I supposed to act like it doesn't bother me that he is still talking to her. I suggested that we needed to talk and he said " I know we will have to talk sooner or later but let's put it off as long as we can and take it one day at a time" I don't know what to do. We are getting along really good and I don't want to spoil that but I don't see how we are going to make it if he does not stop talking to her.

I am new here too, but you last two posters need your own thread! Click on new topic and tell your story. There are people here who have gone through the same things, and they can help!

Good luck
mugs

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lori-24:
<strong> This is my first post, my husband has been chatting and e-mailing a woman for over 2 years. I have always known about her, he always said they were "just friends" about 6 months ago he tells me that he thinks he may be in love with her.When they started talking I was working at night and he was at home alone with the children.
She lives in ARK. and we live in FL. 3 weeks ago he went to meet her. Before he left he told me that he wanted to be with me, but felt like this was something he needed to do. I let him go because I want him to be happy. I am not going to say that I have been the perfect wife, we were having problems when all this started and I have made some mistakes but they never involved falling in love with someone else. Since he has been back we are getting along great,but how long am I supposed to act like it doesn't bother me that he is still talking to her. I suggested that we needed to talk and he said " I know we will have to talk sooner or later but let's put it off as long as we can and take it one day at a time" I don't know what to do. We are getting along really good and I don't want to spoil that but I don't see how we are going to make it if he does not stop talking to her. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Lori-24

I don't know but it sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I hope I am wrong.

My h is not answering calls, I think he is gone out of town or out of his apt. with someone.

I am sure with your situation all will be well. You sound like a nice person. Let's admit it like you did we have all made mistakes, but I thought the idea was if you learn from you mistakes you don't repeat them. It seems that you have tried your best.

Of course they never want to talk about things, my h used to say that was one of the things he loved about me was that I always got him to open up. Now nothing.

*sigh* what is it with A's and OH..........I'm sorry what you've all gone thorough...Unfortunatly I have had my dealings with an Affair in OH too....but unfortunatly it was me....I was soo stupid to get involved with someone 7 years younger....I got caught up in the stupidness of it all....and I have lost alot...I beat myself up for it everyday....My husband will not even try to work it out...he won't go to counseling....we had our share of problems before it even happened....But I hate myself so much for what happened and i wish i could change it....I want my husband not only for me but for my son...I have done the things he's asked to make an effort to save our marriage...I have been seening a counselor....I have taken my son and moved out into a crappy little apartment my son shouldn't be in to give him space....I attempted to spend more time with him....but after all that....he still says it's over...I have lost everything and I feel like i'm slowly dieing inside...and I don't know what to do...I know I shouldn't feel this way because after what i did I shouldn't be allowed those feelings...I was the horrable one....but the pain is just so great....I don't know what to do

Well things are ok I guess. I'm really having alot of flash backs now though. My H has been mentioning chicago alot lately.(where A#1 lives)He even wanted me to make some food that he had when he was there. Last week when we were out he mentioned how he would like to live at the base of the mountains as we approched the house A#1 was looking at buying when she was here 3 years ago.It's just been a weired week. I don't know if I should ignore these little inuendos or truely take them as hints. I've just kept my mouth shut and listened and watched. I hope my suspicions are wrong.I feel like he may be considering seeing A#1 again or at least chatting with her.He did tell me that she tried to contact him in June and I truely doubt that he ignored her like he said he did.This woman is so wealthy during their A she flew here twice to see my H.It about killed me when she showed up at my front door.I couldn't even look at her.There's nothing like your H holding you and telling you he loves you and that you have nothing to worry about as he's walking out the door to spend the weekend with another woman.This happend with A#1 3 summers ago. Three weeks ago we took a drive in the mountains and he wanted to stop by the famous "Stanley Hotel".That was my first inclination that something may be going on.That's where my H and her stayed when she was here.He took alot of pictures while we were there and all I could think about is I hope she likes them.
I really want to get over all this but it seems as though my H isn't. I can't go through this again.I've come along way in three years and I don't want to deal with this woman again. She told my H that she wanted to take my children away from me so they could live with them. She thinks money is everything and she's very good at flaunting it in his face weather it be what she's bought or what cruise she went on.She's very good at conversation with my H and then the poor pitty me and the reminising of their A and what he could of had.
God I hope he's not getting involved with her again.....It hurts just thinking about it. That was such a devistating experience for me.Thats when my heart problems started.There gone now though since I had a heart ablasion done.
I haven't been in his chat room yet. I asked him when he was going to show me what to do and he said soon but he hasn't yet. I won't push it.
thanks for being here for us all