W had to go to hospital with a posible appendicides. I went there and told here that I was not sad that she was sick. She finally understood what I said when I told her that I felt no pain. No Love. Nothing. She was very hurt and upset.<BR>A friend came over and comforted me. I am so sick and tired of feeling like this. I almost ruined our marriage last night. W wanted to stop where we were and to just stop hurting each other. My legs, arms, and heart went numb when she told me this!!! I do still have feelings, but I have done so much to her in the past couple of months, I hope that it is not to late!!! I do want to save my marriage, but I have to get better first. I have finally admitted to myself and to her that I am sick. I am sick in the head and I need help and medication. <BR>I asked her to just hang in there a little while longer. I stood by her when she told me of the infidility. I was hoping she would stand by me in this trying times of our marriage. She said that she would, but it is very, very hard for her to keep standing by me for all that I keep doing to her. <BR>Please. Anyone. Someone. Help me. What can I do to keep from driving my w away even further? Please respond. I am very, very desperiate at this point!!!<P>------------------<BR>DP

You realize the truth, and that's good... now, work at getting that love back. I am a W who betrayed, and I understand what both of you are going through. My H is still very hurt (it's been 8 months since discovery) and in fact is moving out completely tomorrow (he's been moving piece by piece over the last week). It is unfortunate, but someone (one of you) has to let go and feel... I know how hard it is for both of you. My H and I kept hoping the other one would do it, and neither of us could! So, he waited for my love while I was going through withdrawl and trying to find out what drove me to have an affair in the first place, and I kept waiting for him to woo me back into the marriage. Instead, he ran... over and over again, and I would become angry, over and over again... until I just said get out and he actually went. You don't want to get to that point.<P>So, my advice... you are here asking, so here goes:<P>Love her. You won't trust her completely for a long time, but you can show her love. I know you feel dead inside, but muster up all the emotion you can and show that woman some love...<P>By the way, what was wrong with her (at the hospital), after all??<P>You are a good man for admitting your side of this problem in your recovery and you <B>are here</B> which says <B>a lot</B>... what it says mostly is that you do love her and want your marriage to survive. I hope you realize that!<P>Merry Christmas! <P>~Sheryl<P>------------------<BR>Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.<P>~John Lennon<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited December 24, 1999).]

Your wife has lived up to her mistakes. And like Sheryl said, you are a good man for admitting your side of the problem. But now is the time to stop punishing her if you want it to work. Believe me, if she felt anything like I did when I cheated and hurt my husband, she's suffered enough. Actually, I felt even more like trash when he forgave me. Please don't think I'm dismissing your feeling! I know you are hurt and need time to heal. You are still wounded and that's just not going to go away. But if you sincerely want your marriage to work, you must start to show some affection. Generally speaking, women are emotional beings and operate on the way we feel. Right now, she needs you as much as you need her. Embrace her and feel the love come back into your heart. I'm not saying rush into it though. She needs to realize too that its gonna take time for you.<P>Nevertheless you both are going to have need a lot of patience, communication, and love. I pray that it all works out for you both. My husband and I are seperated right now and its hard, but its a whole lot better than the hell he put me through after the fact. I want my marriage to work, God knows I do, but I will not put up with the terrible and selfish things he did . <P>This is your chance, you can do it, have faith in yourself and in your marriage!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."

Sheryl,<BR> Thank you so very, very much for the advice. You are correct. I do need to love her. Love her with all my heart. I don't think that no one knows how badly I want this marriage to work out!!!<P>Oh, by the way. She was diagonised with a oviaran cist. <P>------------------<BR>DP

DP,<P>Only thing to add to what new_beginning and jamie-lee said is to get yourself to the doc so you can get some meds and the help you need.<P>Recognizing you need the help is 90% of any battle won!!!!!!!!<P>Wishing you happy holidays,<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>