Okay, I found out my husband cheated on me with his son's mother before we got married (actually when we were first engaged) she initiated, he continued. now we are married (3 weeks) and things are seeming to go okay. but i am still nervous, suspicions and angry. but shoud i just drop it since it happend before our wedding?

Hi WilyKat,

How did you find out about this?
How long ago did it happen?
Were they already divorced when this happened?
Were they already divorced before he started his relationship with you?
And how much contact and what kind of contact, does your husband still have with his ex-wife?
Also, did their marriage end because he was committing adultery (with you or some other woman)?

And whatever the answers to those questions are, I would definitely discuss it with your husband.
It wasn't 'adultery' because you weren't married yet... but if he and his ex-wife were divorced then it was an affair that he had while you two were engaged.

However, if it happened while he and his wife were still married (even if they were separated) then you really had no right to be with him, let alone expect him to not be with his wife.

<small>[ May 01, 2004, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

hey mere mortal,

well, they were never married and were broken up for two years when we started dating. he talks to his son's mother at least once a week re: their son. her husband just found out too. We both found out about a month ago.

they broke up mostly because he didn't want to be with her. he was never faithful to her the 4 years they were together and she had just moved in with her current husband when they hooked up. they stopped right before she got married last fall. all of this happend in a very short space of time. it lasted roughly from last august to last october.

i found out when i overheard a conversation between them the week before our wedding. she wanted to tell me. she said she wanted to wait until i got pregnant to tell me. she hates me because i am with him. she married his old roomate, in my opinion still, to spite him. they only dated a few months before they got married and now she is pregnant by her H. yadda, yadda. i wrote more details in baby's mama drama thread.

<small>[ May 01, 2004, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: wilykat ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">they broke up mostly because he didn't want to be with her. he was never faithful to her the 4 years they were together </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He didn't want to be with her?? Then he had sex with her after was engaged to you?? Hmmmmmmmmmm

And he was NEVER faithful to her for four years?? Yikes............did you have this part of the information BEFORE you said I DO??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

(this last bit of INFO. could have been a huge big RED flag if you knew!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Blessings,
Atruheart

yes i did know he was not faithful to her. He told all about his past way before we started dating and he was not proud of it but he felt like he wanted me to know who and how he was. I thought that since he was so vulnerable with me that he was really ready to be different. Up until i found out, i really thought he had been faithful to me. I had suspicions but it was moreso because i knew that she really, really wanted him back.

it's kinda complicated, i wrote the summary in the thread entitled baby's mama drama.

is it that people never change? I hoped he would change/is changed. i'm giving it some time but i really don't know how to approach everything. right now everything seems to be going so well.
i don't want that to go away by dredging up the past but it still bugs me sometimes.

wilykat

wilykat,

I do not think you should drop it. It sounds to me like your H has lingering issues and should not be trusted. You should not have this many obsticles so early in your marriage. The world provides enough of them all on it's own!
JMHO