I am new here........reading alot of this material has been helping me deal with the pain I have been going through...

My H doesnt want to leave he gave up his fling of two months with a 8 month pregnant women he works with.....yes she was six months pregnant when they started to see each other.....they both say they have never had sex......and she says the baby is her husbands........

I dont know what to believe.....I found her number on line from checking my husbands cell bill. I really believe that all they did was make out........I really believe that my husband did not have sex, but they did enough in my opinion...and I will never really know the extent except for what they tell me.....I really do believe they didnt go all the way though....I dont think that makes me feel any better, cause I really dont know 100%

Her husband is half crazy with worry too.....they have two other kids at home....

He said before I found out that he had broke it off with her on Thursday and I had found out on the following Monday....she told me the same thing....he told her he wanted to make his marriage work and what they were doing is wrong...I had left that same Thursday to go to Tennessee to see my sick brother who is in rehab for over two months....he has been critical ill since January 19th and that has kept me away from home for the last couple of months. the doctors say it was a miracle that he live.....he is still in rehab and he isnt going to ever be the same...so my mind has been ver preoccupied with him and i have been gone alot with my parents to go to the hospital.........I want to give my brother hope to live and I wanted to let him know how much he is needed, appreciated and love.....

I had no idea the last two months while i was gone my H would do something like that.....I left him with the kids all the time due to the fact they couldnt handle a ten hour drive and didnt need to go to trauma center and actually wasnt allowed to go there anyway....

That thursday is the last time she was on his cell phone bill......but he could have called her on the home phone.......he said she got so upset he didnt call her on Friday night that she actually drove by my house on Saturday.....I dont understand why I dont get an itemized phone bill from my home phone........I guess with the neighborhood you dont????? I keep meaning to call them to get an itemized bill for the last couple of months........I want to know if he talk to her on Saturday......he claims he didnt.....but what do i really believe and now i ask myself would it make a differenc. I know that he hasnt talk to her since I found out.......cause he hasnt left my side and he didnt go to work that whole week.....can you believe him, I am the one that gets cheated on, I go to work the whole week, and he stays home like he is the victim......

oh help:(

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Read everything on the thread "general welcome to all new builders", in this forum.

Read especially about Plan A. That is where to start. It sounds very encouraging that WH is with you now all of the time. Stick with us, we have been through it, and will help you get through it too.

Just to make it clear when i said i was gone for a couple of months....I was gone just on the weekends.........some three day weekends.....

breec,

Your H will go through "withdrawals" from giving up this other woman (OW). It is incredibly painful for the betrayed spouse (BS) to watch their S go through withdrawal over the other person (OP), but this is something that must be done, there are no shortcuts. It is chemically a lot like giving up a substance you are addicted to. Things you can do to help:

Read about Love Busters and avoid them at all costs!! You will be very tempted to LB as you watch your H missing the OP but at this stage it is crucial. You don't want to give him any reason at all to tell himself "my W is a hateful person. She doesn't understand me at all!" and go running back to the OP.

It is good that OW's H knows about this, too. He will be vigilant from his end.

Find out from your H how they used to communicate and when they used to meet. Have him go without his cellphone for a few months. If they used to lunch together, try to meet him for lunch once or twice a week.

It is going to be really tough with them working together - you'll worry more, and it will be easy for them to backslide. Can your H get a job somewhere else or at least transfer to another location?