My husband had a one night stand a year and a half ago. We went through brief counseling, and felt we had worked it out.

For the past several months, I have felt him pulling away from me...going over to friends' houses, not talking to me,... and we have been arguing alot.

2 days ago, he told me that he had been unfaithful again..same person, and this time it had been going on for a month. He says he still loves me, but now has feelings for this person too. He says this fling started for companionship, that he was not getting what he needed from me, and has been unhappy. I am unhappy because I don't get what I need from him.

I don't know what to do next!! I feel like I am living in the Twilight Zone...working, learning a new job, helping our 10 year old son with learning disabilities, maintaining a home,... and trying to act like nothing is wrong.

I am so hurt and angry with my husband!!! He doesn't want to talk about what has happened, and feels like a weight has been lifted because he told me. I feel like I am dying inside, and I don't know where to turn.

I know this OW and her family. I want to tell everybody what has happened, and hurt her as much as she (not alone) has hurt me.

How can he have feelings for someone he don't really know? How can he think of throwing away 12 years on a short term fling? I don't understand any of this.

Please help!!

Don't tell everyone...yet. Do tell her husband, though. Like right now, before you have second thoughts. Click on the link in my signature line for what to do after that.

Listen to Johnh39. Tell her husband.

It is very miserable for you to go through this, but you will get a lot of help here and support.

It is like your husband is addicted, and not thinking right. That's how they all are, ready to throw everything away. They all do and say the same crazy things. As you read here more, you will see.

Stick with us and we will help you turn this thing around.

I am in the first week of the post affair syndrome as well. In a way it is easier to tell you what to do than to hear it for myself. In the same way your H feels close to his lover, I feel close to all of the good people that are on this forum reaching out for help.

I am so lost and confused but know tomorrow the wind will still be blowing the leaves off the trees.

My W had a 1 night stand about a month ago and I found out this past thursday by pulling her phone records. I was out of town for a weekend and looking at the amount of calls she made to this guy while I was gone is sickening. I am not sure if I will ever be able to get those thoughts out of my mind. It is the little details that are haunting my mind. It is hard to eat and sleep. I feel that I am trying to survive.

Chris 467, I am going to do all I can to re-build my M. I know it will be very difficult. But I find strength in that others are doing the same thing.

Hang in there and try and enjoy a little nature today.

JUST AN UPDATE!! My husband ended up meeting this OW after school, after work, and talking to her by phone for the next 10 days after he told me about her. I thought we were working things out all that time. He came home 3 hours late from school, to tell me he was leaving me and moving in with her. I thought I would die!! I had been reading the book " How to Survive an Affair", and I knew what to do...calmly helped him pack all his stuff, helped him load it, hugged him, told him I still loved him, and sent him out the door. (then I fell apart)

He called me, less than 30 hours later, and told me that he had made a big mistake and wanted to talk. We talked for hours, and he moved back home. He told her that he was sorry, but that he loved his wife too much. He has quit having any contact with her family, even though they were his friends. We have been reading alot, and praying alot. we have decided the best thing to do is move out of state, and we are both happy about this decision.

I still have moments where I feel like I'm hyperventilating or having an anxiety attack, but it is getting easier. I still have flashes of them together in my head, and wonder if he really loved her. But I have decided to turn it all over to God...He can deal with all of it much better than I.

I hope that this story will help someone else in their time of pain. My best advice is to get the book, and hold on to your sanity!!! It will get better, even if it gets worse first!!

What good news! Hang in there and stay with the program. You are doing good girl.

The feelings of betrayal will fade and you CAN have a much better marriage than ever.