Every once in a while my WAW and I talk about sex, it only comes up after we have been together for a couple hours and re-connect emotionally for that short time and feel comfortable around one another.

I have NO solid visual proof that she has had sex with anyone else but the red flags and body language is there at times.

She made it a point to tell me one day not long ago that the entire time we were "together" under the same roof even when I knew she was spending time with another guy, she told me she never had sex with him or anyone, even if I thought she did while we were "together".

I said to her "babe, even as long as we have been apart I have not had sex with another woman" she told me she would not blame me if I were to because we are not "together" and that if I do she doenst want to hear about it because it would hurt too much.

My question is this:

When I say to her that I have not "gone outside the marriage" or "had sex with anyone else" she gets upset with me for not engaging another woman, she says "your a man, you have needs so I would not blame you"

Can someone explain this?

sounds like she probably has been with someone else and just does not want ot tell you. Thats kind-of how I handled it. I would almost wish he was with someone else to make my guilt not seem so bad. Hope you get it resolved.

I really feel this is a major part of why we are where we are today and why there seems to be an invisible impass, if she did I just wish she would admit it, but she wont because she thinks I'll hold it against her if we get back together.

One day about 3 months after we seperated someone that she worked with called my cell phone anonymously and told me she was having an affair, I told her someone she worked with called and told me this and she went ballistic it upset her in ways I have never seen. For a while after that she was shaking in her boots and real real nervous to be around me. Then her attitude started to change and she was saying things that were pure fog in the purest sense.

Her personality went deep black, darker than I have ever seen and there was a lot of deep deep anger in her. She went real real deep into heavy heavy drinking and would call me up at 3 am stone smashed and just keep going off on me calling me every name in the book, it was the absolute cruelest part of our seperation.

Things have calmed down quite a bit between us since then and it was 14 months before we had sex after that and that was on new years eve this year and 1 month afterwards. Nothing since.

Now she is telling me she doesnt want to have sex with me because she feels that will give me false hope that she actually wants get back together. She said if we have sex that will just make things more confusing between us and she doesnt want to do that because she is unsure and doesn't want to hurt me.

So, right now I don't know if she is having sex with anyone else but she MAY be having sexual phone conversations without doing anything physical. Thats just my gut instinct.