I found out about my husband's affair in December of 2003. I have gained access to my WH's computer and found some pretty juicy emails from OW. In fact, I don't think Playboy will be contacting her anytime soon if you get my drift. Well, I now have her place of employment, (she's been sending some of these emails from work!!!), I know her address, cellphone, church (she's been emailing my husband during bible study via cell phone?), and other various information. This information could be potentially damaging beyond belief to her and her family (she isn't married but does have children). I told my WS if he loved her so much he should just go move in with her and I wouldn't do anything else with the information I have.... he refuses to move in with her... absolutely refuses and says I CANNOT make him do that. I contacted her and told her that he doesn't want to "save" her reputation. Yet he has chosen not to.... now should I call her employer and church... I am just tired of this nightmare... and I want him off the fence one way or another. I don't even care what side he lands on anymore... as long as my life and my children's lives can get back to something relatively normal.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. You need to calm down a little and think things through. Start in Plan A, read all about it here under the thread "General Welcome to All New Builders".

Is your WH still seeing OW? If so, time to expose the affair.

Unless your spouse is willing to write a no contact letter and take extra ordinary precautions to avoid this woman...then yes...you should definitely expose this affair.

I found out last February,that my husband had an affair,with someone i thought was my friend. When i found out ,he told me that it was noting,and she did not mean anything to him. It was hard to beleive he did this too me,when I asked him why he did it,or what did i do wrong to have him turn to her,he said i did nothing wrong,that he loves me with all his heart,and wants to make our marriage work. We will be marry for 18 years this july,and have 4 boys 19,17,15,11. My question is this?? Sometimes I get mad at him for no reason at all,and all that hurt comes back,and I think about what he did to me,and it just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!! How can I stop thinking about this and move on,so that we r happy again????? I know he will never to it again,cause he told me he never wants to see me hurt like that again,knowing that he was the one that crushed me. I love him so much,and want to get on with our lives. We want to grow old together. And another question What do I do if i ever see this person in the store,or park? we live in the same state and same
area,but not that close. But i just might see her one day,cause when we were friends i saw her at the store in town. My first impression is if i see her i will want to kick her [censored]. but i am getting too old for fighting!!!!!!! What would u do if this was u?
Thank for any help any one give me on this matter

babs83 -

Check out the home page here under the quick clicks about restoring the marriage, overcoming resentment, and restoration. You need to work through the hurt.

Keep reading and posting here, it really helps. As more time goes by, you will start feeling better and better.

WOW!~

YOU ARE SO STRONG!!!!! I say expose her!!!!!

She is living a lie! In Church sleeping with a married man! Ummmmmm! Bible study? What bible is she studying? Obviously she is not really studying the gospel now is she?
Sorry I am not much help here.
Ali

Too~,

Are you in Plan B?

Regina

Too~,

Looks like I jumped the gun. Believer pointed out Plan A. I assumed you knew it.

It really sounds like you need a good Plan A, or Intervetion Phase, as we say at SYMC. To do this: Avoid love busters, find out and meet your H's emotional needs, expose the affair, hither and yon, and request the help of those your reveal it to to turn your WH back to home and the OW to forgiveness and appropriate romantic relationships.

Then, if this doesn't change your H's attitude to get him off the fence and into "No Contact" in a few weeks, go to Plan B, where you cut off contact with him and you can't LB or meet needs.

Regina

I was in plan A, but I couldn't stop the lovebusting. I am now in plan B I suppose, I read "Love's Got to be Tough" by Dobson, and I sent my WS a letter explaining I just couldn't live with three people in my marriage anylonger. He has been sleeping at nights in his car (or he says), coming home in the morning to shower only. This started on Saturday night, so it's been two nights. Last night we had a fight over the kids, some Mother's Day. I'm trying not to contact him, if he really is sleeping in his car, I'm finding it extremely difficult not to feel for him. However, when I found I had cancer (3 days before he exposed his affair, yes I was awaiting cancer test results when he sprang this on me, he didn't feel sorry for me) So why should I feel sorry for him. I'm so tired of the lies and deciet... Anyway, what do you mean by expose the affair? Should I tell the people at her work and church? What about him? Wouldn't taking her [censored] out... also hurt him? He is the father of my children... I hate to expose him too? What is the idea behind exposing this affair? I don't want everyone to feel sorry for me either, so why would you expose the affair?

Thanks for your input.

I am now in plan B I suppose
No, you are not in Plan B.
Plan B is very specific and requires a letter be sent explaining exactly what you are doing and why.
Have you read "Surviving An Affair"?
Read the links below.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What is the idea behind exposing this affair? I don't want everyone to feel sorry for me either, so why would you expose the affair?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When you expose the affair, everyone knows and everyone knows YOU know. The affair partners have to be more creative in hiding their trysts, which make it more difficult for them to get together, putting pressure on the relationship.

When you tell someone about the affair, you then request their help in turning your WH back to the marriage.

It seems a little backward, but this is the quickest way to end an affair, and affairs ended quickly do less damage than affairs that drag on.

Since your H isn't? in a full-blown affair, this method can still be helpful, by having others encourage your H toward your marriage, and letting it be known that this affair will not take place in secret.

If you divorce over this, everyone will likely know the reason, anyway. No one is protected either way, but your marriage stands a better chance.

Regina