Hello!

Gosh, been gone for a few weeks and sadly more and more new names on here.

Last Tuesday, I was on the Oprah show for suriving after infideltly. I believe it will be aired on the 14th. The show got sooo intense that we had to do a second show. I had to do a video diary of what I am going through on a day to day basis on surving this emotional roller coster of a marriage after an affair. I was not on the stage but I am seen in my video diary. Fewww. I was sweating the whole time. Figures they use the part that I taped at 6:00 in the morning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I got to say something to Oprah on camera on the second show. The therapist that was on recommended not to know the intimate details of the affair where I believe differently. From my pole that I took on here a couple of months ago, a lot of the BS on this forum wanted to know the details.
ANYWAY.....Oprah interviewed a couple who have been married thirty years and out of the thirty he had cheated for 15 years with 3 different women. She wrote a book from a BS point of view rather than of a therapist or a doctor. Her name is Suzy Farbman. I believe the book is out right now. Just came out!
If any of you would like to read this book and discuss this with me let me know.

I see a lot of you on here with again painful stories of just finding out of your spouse cheating. My heart goes out to you. I know what you are feeling like. It has been a year since I have found out and it STILL feels like yesterday.

Ali

Hey Ali - that is exciting - I will definately watch, I admire Oprah greatly and look forward to that show - I think that is wonderful you got to be a part of that show - My husband and I have been watching the Dr. Phil show too - about infidelity and the latest one about couples close to divorce - I think these shows have been great -

I look forward to seeing the show!!
Sandy

I will watch it too. Since I'll be at work, I'll tape it. Sounds very interesting.

Ali - Welcome back stranger! I will tape the show since I never get to watch anything other than Nickelodeon or Disney these days. Sounds very interesting! I watched bits of the Dr. Phil show on Infidelity but can't bring myself to watch the whole show - still too painful to actually WATCH someone in the pain that I'm in right now. Maybe in time that will change.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't worry yet about forgiveness. You need to get your head on straight and sort out your emotions together. I am having a huge issue with forgiveness! I am down right angry still and fighting my will. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ali, it saddens me to read that you decided to go on the Oprah show. What exactly do you hope to accomplish in YOUR marriage by going on the show?

Do you want sympathy? You can get lots of that here and elsewhere.

Do you want to help someone else? You are not even over your own infidelity situation and are not in a position to help others with much more than a "yup, infidelity does hurt!"

Do you wish to hoist your husband from the yardarm at Navy Pier and let the world spit at him?

Ali, I have read through many of your postings, as well as your husband's postings. There is enough disrepectful judgment and selfish actions by both of you to go around.

But here's the big question that needs answering: Did your husband enthusiastically agree with your decision to go on national TV and discuss the affair? Remember, Oprah is about ratings and pulling on emotional heartstrings while appearing to be a "concerned ear". Isn't that what it is all about? Is Oprah in continual contact with you? Is she a trained counselor, or a trained talk show host who expertly gets you to reveal personal details that make "good TV"? Who's next, Jerry Springer?

If your husband was not "on board" with this decision, then you have committed what may be the biggest "Love Buster" to date in your ideas of how to recover a marriage. You are possibly shouting to the world that "this is so hard on me and I've been so innocent and perfect throughout". You have also possibly been shouting "my husband is the world's worst man, a huge adulterer, and not worthy of any consideration."

Yep. That ought to do wonders in reconciliation.

A year since you had your "d-day", and I've read precious little of any positive happenings. And now you throw Oprah, the goddess of successful relationships into the mix. Don't you think it's way past time that you and Randy begin to actually work through all of the hard issues that you both need to face instead of looking for excuses or ways to blame each other?

You've even mentioned God a few times, but with no real specificity. Is God a part of your lives? Do you consider yourselves to be Christians? What purpose does it serve you to drag God's name into your postings?

A year later and there still appears to be two very confused and very hurt people who are letting that hurt define who they are. Is that really who you want to be? Someone who allows their emotions to override and control their behavior?

By the way, have you ever let him come home? If so, I missed that in reviewing your posts. I saw where you kicked him out, and the next reference was about you finally getting into counseling. BTW, what advice did your MC give you about the Oprah show? What was your husband's reaction when your brought up the idea of going on Oprah in the MC session?

I'm almost beginning to think this is another "Dustkitty" scenario in the brewing.

Foreverhers,

I can see your point in some ways. But I did't go on there to subject myself or to bash my husband. As a matter of fact I did no bashing whats so ever! This was supposed to be a show on how couples came together and worked it out after an affair. But the show also shows what a BS goes through after D day. No way would I ever subject myself and seek attention that is negetive in anyway! Watch Sam and her husband. They metioned how they have recovered. More and more people sadly, are discovering affairs in their marriage. What I believe Oprah is doing is showing that there is help and you are not alone. I chose to go on for a positive situation. I was not on stage!

Did you change your post name? You sound exactly like Steadfast Hummmmm?????? What I posted on here was my feelings! Is that allowed?? As you should know, I came on here devastated of course my opinion of my husband is low! You tell me what BS that posts on here doesn't Think of their S. a low lifed scum???? You don't know the full story to why he cheated!!!!!! WE rea;;y never posted that looong story. He was in a fog remember???? His posts were not "reality" But look what he says about me in the end??? Our therapist (in my words) says that he cheated because he acted out of selfishness. I was there for him as humanly possible for him. I put myself on the back burner for this guy. But because of his state of mind, nothing I could do was good enough. Kinda like your mother telling you that you are handsome? Well of course she is going to say that. She is your mother. Well, when I would tell him things positive, it would roll off his back. If you want I can e-mail you my whole story and then you can make judgements there? It is up to you?

So I am not allowed to help??? I am not sure if I am reading your post right! It has been over a year. I can help those who I can relate somewhat to. I felt extremely isolated when I found out. I want to be there for someone if they want my help. It is such an unfair feeling and very scary feeling to go through alone!
As for as my belief in God goes. Don't you dare question unless you are God! I am human! I got extremely hurt and yes, I am still hurt and angry. But forgiving comes in time! I am not Jesus nor will I ever be perfect like him! But gee, that is why I am in therapy to help me get past this hard time and to coach me on my anger and forgiveness! I am still dealing with it and I will heal when I can. Didn't know there was a time limit on forgivness!

Yes, he has been living here. You mean to tell me you are making these comments with out reading in almost a year? WOW, do you have a lot to catch up on! Randy blames himself.
So tell me again, since you know me so well, where did I go wrong for him to have an affair??
Do yourself a favor and stop assuming. By the way, by your post name "Foreverhers" kinda sounds like your a bit insecure!!!!????

Ali

Ali88,
Hi...I am new to the boards, but have read many of your posts. I am anxious to see the Oprah show, and hope that many good things will come your way as a result of it. I and many others, understand your anger , and do not feel that you do not have a right to own that feeling. But the most important thing...is that you and your H are trying to do what is best for the both of you, and it seems that you are. I hope that God will continue to guide you and give you strength and wisdom, as you and your H work on your relationship.
Sometimes, I want to blame my H for the whole mess, but I know it is definately not all his fault. But the anger, and the hurt we feel is very real, and it is ok to feel it, as well as the need to vent. Maybe, because people want to help...they try a bit too hard to understand what we need to do....but in the end....it is about you and your H....and only you can know what is best for you.
Take care and keep hanging in there....you will make it!
Justinie97

Thank you Justinie.

I know I was a little defensive there. I just wish our SP's were a little more compassionate to our feelings before they went out and had and affair. In general, if something is wrong, it needs to be discussed. I am a huge advocate on communication. My H. on the other hand would just rather keep it in. He knows when something is bothering me, I want to talk and solve the problem. So when the affair was about to happen, in his head he was saying this is so wrong, he should have called me and told me. But he went ahead and thought only of himself!

Oprah was a good experience for me in someways. Not because of my video diary. Because I got to meet people in person that is going through the same thing I am going and couples that went through I am going. And it is good to see that can happen. At this point in my marriage, the anger is sooo there. I don't walk around with a grin on my face and curse everyone. I treat others with respect and kindness as I usually do. It is not their fault. I don't yell at my H. He is so hard trying to say the right things to me. But my good old mememory kicks in somehow I cannot allow myself to move foward. I hate where I am at. I am a prisoner in my own head. And that angers me too. I am so trying to get out of it. I realize that I am here. The anger and the hurt spiral around each other and I just can't get a grip.
Can you believe I am jealous of my past? I want our innocents back. It has been stolen from me. I still feel so violated and that angers me. So you see, I am stuck!
I think I might of have mentioned this in the upper posts, But on the Oprah Show, Sam & her husband is on they're way to a wonderful recovery. If you watch, you will hear her say, that he has been there through all her ups and downs and he answered ever question and realizes what greif he has put her through. I woud love that in my marriage. Maybe I am expecting too much.

Ali

Ali,
I'll be praying for you and your H. I've been suffering for 3 years now with the images and thoughts of my H with my sister. Yes, I too am still very angry and hurt, but what helps is to know that the devil puts these images and thoughts into our minds. He comes only to steal our joy, kill our faith, and destroy our love. He loves you to be angry with your WS. He hates it when you forgive and love him. What helps me is when I have these negative images and thoughts is I automatically think of something positive. Something that truely makes you happy. It works for me, maybe it will work for you too. What also works is when you feel the devil coming to make you angry again repeat this outloud he hates it! I like to scream it at him!! It's all his fault anyway!
I overcome the devil by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony!
Through the blood of Jesus, I am redeemed out of the hand of the enemy!
Through the blood of Jesus, all my sins are forgiven and continually!
Through the blood of Jesus, I am justified, made rightous, and sanctified, daily!
THROUGH THE BLOOD OF JESUS, THE SON OF GOD, THE DEVIL HAS NO PLACE IN ME, NO POWER OVER ME, BECAUSE OF ALL THAT JESUS DID FOR ME ON THE CROSS!
Through

Ali,

Thanks for sharing. I have set the tape player to record the show on the 14th. If something changes and you find out the show is on a different day, please post it to this site (or better yet, this thread) as I don't want to miss it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But my good old mememory kicks in somehow I cannot allow myself to move foward. I hate where I am at. I am a prisoner in my own head. And that angers me too. I am so trying to get out of it. I realize that I am here. The anger and the hurt spiral around each other and I just can't get a grip.
Can you believe I am jealous of my past? I want our innocents back. It has been stolen from me. I still feel so violated and that angers me. So you see, I am stuck! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I too am experiencing feelings similar to these. We seem to be stuck in neutral, not moving forward or back. Not sure what's next and I don't want to hijack this thread. Good luck and God Bless!

Thanks! Good point! I will try that and see how it goes.

Recovering H. No you are not hijacking this thread! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> please feel free to share!

As far as Oprah goes...you all probably will know which one is me after reading my thread! My name is not mentioned! Thank God!

Ali

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't know the full story to why he cheated!!!!!! WE rea;;y never posted that looong story. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Uh huh. So reading a years worth of postings would have given me the "whole story," right?

Your anger is showing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can see your point in some ways. But I did't go on there to subject myself or to bash my husband. As a matter of fact I did no bashing whats so ever! This was supposed to be a show on how couples came together and worked it out after an affair. But the show also shows what a BS goes through after D day. No way would I ever subject myself and seek attention that is negetive in anyway! Watch Sam and her husband. They metioned how they have recovered. More and more people sadly, are discovering affairs in their marriage. What I believe Oprah is doing is showing that there is help and you are not alone. I chose to go on for a positive situation. I was not on stage! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hmmm...certainly an altruistic motive, perhaps even one with some "worthwhile motive." But make no mistake about it, Oprah is "in it" for ratings, not to be counselor or helper to others in need. And Oprah is NOT needed to let everyone know that adultery and divorce is rampant in this country. THAT truth is trumpeted from all sorts of points virtually every day.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But here's the big question that needs answering: Did your husband enthusiastically agree with your decision to go on national TV and discuss the affair? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You still didn't answer this question. Remember, part of the recovery process and the change that you make a permanent part of your "new marriage" is POJA. You DO NOT do major things without both of you in enthusiastic agreement and it does not matter if ONE of you thinks it would be "good idea" or not. If it affects the marriage, it requires that you both POJA the topic in question. "Going it on your own" is merely more selfish behavior, no matter what the "nice" motives and another form of Disrespectful Judgment.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I am not allowed to help??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course you are "allowed" to help. But by dragging your husband unwillingly into what you perceive as "help." There are plenty of folks right here on MB who can use all the help you give, without it affecting your husband.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As for as my belief in God goes. Don't you dare question unless you are God! I am human! I got extremely hurt and yes, I am still hurt and angry. But forgiving comes in time! I am not Jesus nor will I ever be perfect like him! But gee, that is why I am in therapy to help me get past this hard time and to coach me on my anger and forgiveness! I am still dealing with it and I will heal when I can. Didn't know there was a time limit on forgivness! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is no time limit on forgiveness and forgiveness will likely be needed many times, not just once.

But let me ask you this. Do you consider Jesus Christ to be both Lord and Savior of your life? There is such a thing as "righteous anger", and anger over adultery certainly falls into that category. But Jesus did NOT stop with that. He added the caution, "Be angry, but in your anger do not sin." Anger is NOT a license or an excuse to sin.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I posted on here was my feelings! Is that allowed?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course posting your feelings is "allowed." Posting here is not the same thing as going on a Talk Show. You, by your own admission, at NOT recovered. You are still working at it. While it may be a bad analogy, let me put it this way... does it make sense to take a mentally ill person and put them on television to describe how screwed up they are? We all KNOW that. What good does it serve other than to let others say "oh, poor poor thing"?

Why do we go to counselors for help? Because they have been trained and/or have been through it themselves and successfully recovered. You DON'T go to an untrained counselor or to someone who has not "figured it out" for answers. To do so would be tantamount to the "blind leading the blind."

If you and your husband truly want to recover your marriage AND you are both Christians, then the answer is both simple to state and takes effort to put into practice.....choose to obediently follow God's teaching and commands, especially if you have days when you just "don't feel like it."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By the way, by your post name "Foreverhers" kinda sounds like your a bit insecure!!!!???? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you say so. But you might want to take some of your "own medicine" and read up on where I began before you decide to lash out in anger.

Suffice it to say that confronting the truth hurts. Sometimes the most loving thing someone can do for another is to say something like, "You're wrong, and here's why I think that." None of us is perfect, so we may well make mistakes. But let the effort be made in love and with genuine concern for each other. Tough love when it's appropriate. Gentleness and empathy when understanding is needed. Advice when it seems appropriate or is asked for.

But do so to honor God first and most things will work out positively in time, even if the moment may be difficult.

Foreverhers, you are being awfully agressive with Ali88. Do you have something personal against her? The way you are talking to her is making me uncomfortable. You are full of righteous indignation.

Foreverhers!

I am here to post my pain from my husbands infedility! Is that not allowed??? I am here to gain help and help others in my spot.
Like I said before, I didn't realize that forgivenss is on a time slot! Yes I am angry. Angry at myself because I cannot move forward. Again do you read? Or do you always jump to conclusions?
Please don't post on this thread anymore. You are taking what I am doing way too personnal. I went on Oprah because it was a helpful show. Why don't you tape it! Go purchase the book that Suzy Farbsman wrote. I believe it is out on the shelves at Barnes and Noble right now. It talks about her end of why her H. had the A. and how they came to reconcile from it. Tell me what is so wrong about that?
Affairs are not mistakes!!!! They are a conscience decision because of a lack of communication! A mistake is figuring out the check book wrong and bouncing a couple checks.

By the way, the producers would not allow me to go on with out his consent! There! Are you happy?
Good bye and good luck with that chain around your neck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ali

<small>[ May 12, 2004, 10:39 AM: Message edited by: Ali88 ]</small>

findingmywayback - Foreverhers, you are being awfully agressive with Ali88. Do you have something personal against her?

No, I have nothing personal against her. If you, or Ali for that matter, think that I am being "awfully agressive" with her, then you have my apology.

What I have been trying to get across is that the Policy of Joint Agreement is an integral step to both recovery and to a successful marriage.

When Ali shouts that her husband signed a "consent" form, that is not necessarily the same thing as "enthusiastic agreement." It may simply be him cowering in fear of her anger, overwhelming guilt for his infidelity that suppresses his desire to state his true feelings, etc.

I understand full well the anger and the "stuck" feelings that Ali has been feeling. That she has convinced herself that going on national TV is a way to help herself may even be true. But the question remains as to what help it serves the marriage beyond telling the world that she's had it tough and that her husband is an adulterer.

Too often we all want to "pick and choose" parts of the recovery plan. But we really shouldn't do that. Recovery is not going from Point A to Point Z, it is not about "going around" the steps or succumbing to our emotions. It is going through all the steps and even doing the hard and difficult things.

Think of it like a climbing a mountain. You start at the bottom and after a lot of hard (and sometimes scary) work you arrive at the summit. You probably had to stop your climb at various times and camp for while, the climb not yet finished. But you finally reach the summit of the mountain. You can look out at the vista and the tough route you took to get there and really appreciate beauty of the scenery and what you've accomplished. Then, while you are standing there, along comes a helicopter and out jumps some other person. He stands next to and sees the same vista. But there was no work to get there, so it's more of a "yep, nice view" and then back into the helicopter. But you, having done the hard work to get there, really appreciate and savor the view.

Again, if you were offended, please accept my apology.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please don't post on this thread anymore. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ali88 - Done!

Just one final comment...

I sincerely hope you find a way to become "unstuck" and let go of your anger and build a new and better marriage.

God bless and good luck.

This is what I meant to say but my edit time expired and woould allow me to post....Sorry I went off on a raunt! I own up!

OK, lets get this is out in the open! First I didn't go on Oprah to exploit myself or to hurt my husband in anyway. I did a video diary that shows what a person in my position is like after they find out. I am not in that healing area yet and did not add me to that part! Just showing what I am going through. But the show is about reconciling after an affair. How to heal from it. Light an the end of the tunnel. There are scenes on the show where it expresses my hurt and pain from my video diary but the conclusion of it comes down to forgiveness and reconciling from other couples. That is the show topic. Not bashing your husband.
It doesn't matter what place I am in. People out there that just found out about an affair that don't have the resources such as Marriage Builders need to know that life does go on and some can recover and make a marriage stronger. Who knows, hopefully that could be me in a year or two!?? And who reaches out to the public? Oprah! She is a well respected person who I believe does possitive things. Nothing negetive. I thought I would help. I was lucky to meet in person people that still feel the same way I do. To me? It was very beneficial. You ought to watch!

OK, lets get this is out in the open! First I didn't go on Oprah to exploit myself or to hurt my husband in anyway. I did a video diary that shows what a person in my position is like after they find out. I am not in that healing area yet and did not add me to that part! Just showing what I am going through. But the show is about reconciling after an affair. How to heal from it. Light an the end of the tunnel. There are scenes on the show where it expresses my hurt and pain from my video diary but the conclusion of it comes down to forgiveness and reconciling from other couples. That is the show topic. Not bashing your husband.
It doesn't matter what place I am in. People out there that just found out about an affair that don't have the resources such as Marriage Builders need to know that life does go on and some can recover and make a marriage stronger. Who knows, hopefully that could be me in a year or two!?? And who reaches out to the public? Oprah! She is a well respected person who I believe does possitive things. Nothing negetive. I thought I would help. I was lucky to meet in person people that still feel the same way I do. To me? It was very beneficial. You ought to watch!
Ali

I have pretty much stopped coming here but I recently referred a friend here and wanted to check on him. Your thread caught my eye because I think that it is a good thing when "recovered" marriages get into the public. This shows that turning, running and divorcing isn't the best option and that people are a whole lot stronger than we think.

Just yesterday you said that you are nowhere near being recovered. I think (my opinion only) that a video diary showing what you were going through daily would only garner sympathy for yourself and disdain for your husband. I'm not saying that this was intentional but I don't think we need an Infidelity based reality TV show. I think it is one thing to get sympathy from family and friends or anonymously here on this board but to broadcast your pain to everyone who has a TV is too much for me. I think Oprah does a lot a good but you expressing your pain while you are in it just shows us that infidelity hurts. We already knew that and really don't need to see it.

I am not trying to bash you and you obviously felt strongly about doing the show. I do hope that it helped both of you.

Ali,

I'm sorry you are in such pain. You said that...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It has been over a year. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">since D-Day. I'm sure you've done some reflection on why you seemingly haven't come very far in recovering your marriage. But have you reflected on what Foreverhers is saying about the policy of joint agreement and how if you're not following it that that may be one of the major reasons you are "stuck"? Making these huge decisions without the enthusiastic agreement of your husband is behaving as if you were single, not in a marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You tell me what BS that posts on here doesn't Think of their S. a low lifed scum????
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh many, many...count me in as one who feels quite the opposite, in fact. That's why I've endured the most painful event in my life and stayed in my marriage...because I value and love my husband immensely.

Now, what he did, I'll be the first to say (as will he), was indeed low. He counts it as the lowest moment of his life, actually. It was a very poor choice, a devastating choice. But it does not define him. It does not define our marriage. It does not define me. And I will not let the affair have that kind of power over me or my marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He is so hard trying to say the right things to me. But my good old mememory kicks in somehow I cannot allow myself to move foward. I hate where I am at. I am a prisoner in my own head. And that angers me too. I am so trying to get out of it. I realize that I am here. The anger and the hurt spiral around each other and I just can't get a grip.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ali, when I have felt this way, I try to remember the wise words of TooMuchCoffeeMan: Do you now have the marriage that you've always dreamed of? As you say, your husband is "trying so hard." Isn't this what you want? Don't you prefer this to what life was like before D-Day?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By the way, by your post name "Foreverhers" kinda sounds like your a bit insecure!!!!???? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ali, I understand you are coming from a place of terrible pain and anger but do you want to continue to stay there? Foreverhers is lending you a hand out of that awful hole. Don't direct your anger at him. Trying burning it off. Exercise may help you cope with it. And have you tried individual as well as marriage counselling?

I wish you well on your personal and marriage recoveries.

Nat

The joint agreement is something that that we never got around too. Maybe it could be the time?

I don't want to distain my husband at all. His name was never mentioned. My name wasn't even mentioned!!!! I came on as a "ghost guest". I just want people to realize that is having an affair and really not understanding what it can do to a person.

That is the problem. I love my husband. I did think of him as a selfish scum when he had the affair. My world as I knew it crashed. You read his posts. He would call me up every hour on the hour when he was out of state and tell me how much he missed her and that she was everything to him. You know the typical WS response. He was crying to her about me. And this was when he still denied his affair.

Believe me I am not looking for sympathy. What I want it to send a message to a person who is in an affair to think what he/she might be doing to his/her spouse.

I reread what foreverhers was saying and I tried to edit it but my time had expired. Door bell rang so when I tried to post it again....it would not allow me. I admit I raunted before I really thought about what he was saying. My apologies! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

My h. is trying with his words. He is. I give him credit. WOW! I think I give the impression that I am a total cold fish to him. Not always. We laugh and have fun. But it is when I get to close that I get scared.
Nat, no, I do not have that perfect marriage yet. Will I? What is perfect? My husband is not a communicator. I like to talk. He would rather look the other way then to face little problems.
I wish I can communicate with him. We are both in IC and in MC. Last night we had our MC. I told him a dark fear of mine and how I feel so insecure. OK since you all don't know me personally I can tell you. When we meet 16 years ago. He told me what he wants in his wife. He wanted someone with with a degree and worked in a high corporate office like he was going to do. Me? I love getting my hands dirty, working with animals or helping others such as in a medical field. My passion is interior design. Far away from what he wanted. I never got to finish school and when he graduated, I was working for Clinique and Estee Lauder. He would go out with his "coworker friends" after work I worked about a mile and a half from him and he tell me that I wasn't professional enough to be seen that I might be an embarrasment to myself because I worked a retail job! He told me why he was so attracted to this OW was because she was in his eyes "professional" I am crying as I write this. He would then tell me that there is a lot of women that are really attracted to him and he would play on that. I do have a self issue. I thought I had a good self esteem. I kept telling myself I am not good enough for him . Years later, I got into a major corporation and before and after we got married his attitude changed towards me. But then we had to move out of state, got pregnant, we decided that I needed to stay home for our kids sake.

Why is it so important to be in a corporate job? I used to own a horse, I would also train and teach riding lessons. That is what I love. I was making OK money but it went for my board. Where am I going with this? I haven't have a clue!!! I just wish he would accept me for who I am. I never gave up on him before his A. when things were really tough. He now realizes that!

Please comment back. I should have never jumped the way I did! I am sincerely sorry.

Ali