I am not really new to this site. I used it about 3.5 years ago, and once again I am back! It causes me so much pain to be back posting! Here is my story:

3.5 years ago found out H was has an affair with someone that I knew. We (I thought) worked thru it! It was supposed to of ended! He was traveling for 1.5 years, so as far as I could tell everything was going ok.

Then in December 2003, he took a local job. I guess this is what happened, it made him available for OW. Right after Christmas, I found out he had bought something at a local store. Confronted him, at first he lied, then finally came clean. He had bought her a gift and took it to her work place. Thought once again, we had work thru this. Then Easter, he became very mean towards me. Confronted him, once again, he finally came clean. Said that he couldn't get her out of his mind. That he had strong feelings for her. But, that he still loves me. Also, found out he was off his medicine - Zoloft- for depression. Got him to promise to start back on it. Well dumb me, thought things were going ok. Then everything hit on Saturday, May 8, 2004. He was acting very mean and angry towards me, so I once again asked. This time he told me he wasn't happy here anymore, he wasn't happy with his life. He also said that he thought he might need to go to rehab? I asked what kind, he said, well for one, alcohol. He has been drinking quite heavily for a while now, so I wouldn't be at all against this. Well, then Mother's day comes. Guess what, he didn't get me anything, not even a card! Really kind of hurts! He didn't feel well, so he decided to go rest. Well me being the snoop that I am, I took his wallet and found where he had once again, gone and got her something! By this time, I am SICK! Tried to calm down, then confronted him. At first, he played dumb! Then finally said that he got her something and took to her work! He pushed me to get into a fight, so that he could feel good about leaving. I told him he would have to tell the kids. We have three, B-19, G-16, B-15. He said ok. Then I broke down! I think that he feels sorry for me and that is way he is staying. But, he says that it is because he loves me. We had a very long discussion. The following day, I email him a letter. Basically, I told him that it has to end! That I needed to see it and hear it with my own eyes and ears! Last night we talked about this, and he said he doesn't think he can do this. He doesn't want to hurt anyone! I asked what to you think you are doing to me?

Does anyone have any advice for me! I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do! I really don't have anyone to talk to! Just can't bring my family or friends in on this again! I am just sick!

Sorry that you are going through this. A question that may be common to everyone who has been betrayed by a spouse is whether they will ever say the truth since they build a world of lies and deceit to cover what they have done. They also commonly say, "I love you". Do they really? In my opinion, when you love someone, you honor, respect, build that person. You do not do anything that would harm them. Your H obviously has not been honest with you since the first chance he had, he went back to the OW. Your children are already grown. Do they know anything that has happened?

No, the kids don't know! I know they feel the stress in the house, but they don't really know what is going on. My D, did hear us Saturday night, she heard my H say that he didn't think he wanted this life anymore. Needless to say, she is upset.

I told my H, if he did love me, he wouldn't be doing this to me! I told him that it wasn't fair to me, the kids, or us! He just had a dead look on his face. No emotion.

He makes sure that he tells me everyday how much he loves me. But, the way I feel when he says this, is I think he is trying to convince himself that he does.

He swears, that he only has phone contact with her. When this happen 3.5 yrs ago, the calls were unreal. He swears that they aren't that way anymore. He only talks with her once a week or so. I'm sorry, I just don't believe this! As well as, I don't believe there is no physical contact! What trust I had for him is completely gone! Who knows what the next step is. He just can't seem or want to end it in front of me. Says it would be to hard for her! Poor things!!!