I have been married for ten years. When we first married, it was only because I was pregnant and didn't know what to do. Five years into our marriage we started going to church and turned our lives around and really fell in love. Prior to getting married, my husband had a child with another woman who terrorized us...well, me Iguess. She and my husband argued, fought(literally), laughed and talked. I couldn't stand it. There was always something going on with her...good or bad. But there was a child there, so there had to be communicatuion. To make a long story short, I just found out through her that my husband and her slept together after we were married for only a year. That was the only time, but there was a continuing friendship between them I knew nothing about. I am so hurt and don't know what to do. To make things totally worse this girl and her new husband are going to the church that my husband and I are going to. She says her life is turned around and God wouldn't place us together if he didn't think we could handle it. Well, I can't handle it. I want her out of my life all together. Remember..I jut found out about the affair and friendship about a month ago. I know this all happened several years ago, but I am just now being able to deal with it. Any advice?

What a crock of crap what she said about God not putting you together unless you could handle it. If this were true then no one would have an A in the first place because we could all handle it, feelings, emotions, whatever. I think she is trying to justify herself to you about the whole situation. If this bothers you like I'm sure it does have you thought about moving, or joining another church? Don't for one minute consider her feelings. You are the one hurt and it doesn't matter when this all happened. It's so hard when OC is involved. There are ways to be involved in OC's life without WS or OW being together. Visitation through a mutual friend, etc..

If she is a new Christian who has repented she has probably resolved a lot of her guilt of what happened. Unfortunately, she assumes everyone else is capable of responding the same way (spiritual immaturity).

You just found out. You are incredibly hurt. You are entitled to evaluate your pain and respond appropriately (but responsibly). Don't let anyone minimize the severity of what happened just because "y'all got saved" or what-have-you.

There is forgiveness but forgiveness does not eliminate consequence. You should express your feelings to your husband with the expectation that he will humbly respect your feelings and accomodate your desire to remove this woman from your life wherever possible.

My prayers are with you.

Jg

Have you discussed this with your H?

How does he feel about all this?

Is there a visitation/joint custody arrangement with the OW regarding the other child?

My husband know exactly how I feel. All I have ever wanted was a life separate from her. He is having a hard time to because where he once saw a hppy person fullof joy is now a depressied, confused person by his doing. He says it hurts him to see me in so much pain.

There is a custody agreement and through our pastor's advice, my husband and her husband are the only two that can talk and make arrangements. Well, she did not stick to this. She called him several times for different reasons concerning the other child, but the conversations would always lead into a fight about something else. It was one of those fights where I learned of his affair with her after one year of our marriage.

Well, yesterday was horrible! There was another argument becasue of the ex situation and even more information came out. My H had an affair with even another woman. This was 4 years ago when I thought our marriage was fine...except for the sex issue. He would always tell me that I never made him feel wanted because I never initiated sex. And many times we did it I would just lay there for him to get what he wanted. Is this affai as much my fault as his?

How do you get past the intense anger? I am so hurt and feel so depressed and bitter. I never would have thought he would have done this to me. I was so good to him in every way...except the bed. Is it possioble to forget about it and quit seeing images in your head of with him and the ow? She was getting the affection i desired! How in the world do you get over this?

My husband know exactly how I feel. All I have ever wanted was a life separate from her. He is having a hard time to because where he once saw a hppy person fullof joy is now a depressied, confused person by his doing. He says it hurts him to see me in so much pain.

There is a custody agreement and through our pastor's advice, my husband and her husband are the only two that can talk and make arrangements. Well, she did not stick to this. She called him several times for different reasons concerning the other child, but the conversations would always lead into a fight about something else. It was one of those fights where I learned of his affair with her after one year of our marriage.

Well, yesterday was horrible! There was another argument becasue of the ex situation and even more information came out. My H had an affair with even another woman. This was 4 years ago when I thought our marriage was fine...except for the sex issue. He would always tell me that I never made him feel wanted because I never initiated sex. And many times we did it I would just lay there for him to get what he wanted. Is this affai as much my fault as his?

How do you get past the intense anger? I am so hurt and feel so depressed and bitter. I never would have thought he would have done this to me. I was so good to him in every way...except the bed. Is it possioble to forget about it and quit seeing images in your head of with him and the ow? She was getting the affection i desired! How in the world do you get over this?

By the way....I am 5 months pregnant becasue he wanted another child with me. When we started trying, we talked about how our marriage was in a place now where it has never been before. Of course I had no knowledge of the affairs. Do I let my marriage fall apart now after we have become happy based on a lie?