All of these situations sound SO familiar to me.
My H spent a lot of time on the internet when we were dating, but I didn't think much of it. The red flag was when we got married, and I signed on to his screenname once to look up something and he got furious, said his computer use was private. I (foolishly) respected his privacy for more than four years, even though I knew he was doing SOMETHING he shouldn't be doing. I have known for the past 2 years he looked at hard-core porn online, but I was always afraid to confront him with it.
Finally, as our marriage problems and his dissatisfaction with me grew increasingly worse, I decided I had to get to the root of the problem. I looked at his internet histories and found out he had been looking up females in our area. But I had no way to know if he talked to them or not.
I installed a monitoring program on my computer about a month ago, and found out the truth. He is not only heavily into porn, he has multiple online lovers, engages in cybersex using webcams, and spends a lot of time in adult chat rooms looking for new "female friends". Two of the IM conversations I found seemed to irrefutably prove he was physically involved with those two women- they even discussed what times they were going to meet.
He still denies it went past the computer, but I don't believe it- those conversations can't be explained away. I told him I wanted to work on things and work on whatever problems led to this, but he said he didn't want to. He decided he wants a separation, which will take place a week from today. Oh, I didn't tell him how I found out the extent of what he does, so for the time being I'm still monitoring him- and it hasn't stopped. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
He even put a passcode on the computer so I can't turn it on. Obviously, he has no intention of stopping.
I have no advice- I don't know what else to do with this situtation. Obviously, he has a serious addiction, but until he admits that and works on stopping it, what else can I do???