I've been lurking in the last month or so since I believed that H and I were in "recovery". Unfortunately I didn't find you guys soon enough!

My story: Aug 03, I caught H on phone at 2 am?!?! And said "Is there something you want to tell me?" Boy, did he ever. I was totally blindsided with the news of a 2 mo PA and longer ? EA with a coworker. I couldn't believe the fog talk spewing out of his mouth- I had no idea who this stranger was in my house telling me this stuff! We never should have married...yada yada yada.

Anyway, after 2 days of no sleep, I made it clear that it was her or me and the children basically. He chose to stay here, gave me email passwords, called her and said it was over while I listened on the other line. I asked him to leave the job but he didn't, and I was too scared about financial insecurity, so I let it go.
I dealt with my first ever bout of depression, thanks to all this, but didn't let it win. It did however distract me for a while.

Little did I know how important NO CONTACT was, at any cost. That was my fatal mistake.

He promised there was no contact, I policed everything that I could and I trusted a man that shouldn't have been trusted. We went to MC for months and we "graduated". MC told us we were such hardworking, respectful people in this process. We were his star pupils and were "healed". We did the surveys, made the lists, met the needs, went out on dates, bought gifts, etc.

Fast forward 9 months, and I happen to be at his office complex while the sec is out one day. I find some hand written notes from her dated after NC was to have begun and all hell breaks loose...again.

He confesses that 2 weeks after dday # 1 contact resumed and he has been lying to me the whole time. He just didn't know how to get away from her he was so deep into it. She then started to pull the ole Fatal Attraction moves on him...poor thing, it's so hard having an affair!
WH even had the MC fooled! What an actor. WH says that he broke it off on his terms a few months ago, and recovery since then has been "real". What a crock.

Of course I can't believe anything he says now. He is sobbing and wailing and begging,
telling me all the things he is going to do, all the things he should have done the first time,
when I was willing to save this marriage, now I just don't know!

I've had it this time- I don't have the energy or heart to do this again. I just don't want my kids to be scarred for life by a D. Forgiving someone once is hard enough, but to even begin to think about it when he disgusts me so...any advice would be appreciated.

RUBY

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I see a lot of hope in your situation because WH did confess and is willing to work on the marriage. But of course he needs to have no contact.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go through this again, but you might want to try the MB program for your kids's sake.

When they have an affair, spouses are like addicts. It is very hard for them to give up the other person. Stick with us and we will help you through this mess.

Believer,
Thanks for the reply and the hope.

Even though I don't want to give him the impression that I will just roll over and take this- I did suggest he go to the MB site and read. I wish I had really read the whole thing when I first discovered the site.

If he wants to turn his life around he must end this for himself, not to prove anything to me. That is the only way to earn my respect.

He was once an honorable person and it is sad to see this other person take his place.

Ruby

Ruby - My WH was once an honorable person too. The alien has invaded his body and I hardly recognize him now.

You might jump up to general questions as there is much more traffic there. Hang in there and stick with us.

Sorry Ruby,

I think you need to go to Plan B read all you can and try it I think Plan A should only be used in the short term and if the A goes on for that long Plan B is the way to go. I think I will be gooing to plan B soon because contact has not stopped for 2.5 months and WW continues to lie.