I got a phone call last night from my ex-SIL,I had not talked to her in months,she was surprised to hear that WE had moved.I told her that I had moved that my H was till in *** she said "really he said he only stayed there during the week and came HOME on the weekends" This is the perfect exsample of how he is thinking and acting right now,he said nothing to her of what happened so I did she was in shock to say the least.

I guess my move really was not the eye opener everyone thought it would be for him because I dont think he even realizes what is going on.

You see how his reality comes from his perception?

Hi Ginger,
How was work yesterday?

My days off change I am still working retail,but I love it,it is the one place in life I feel that I do a really good job.My job has very little stress,altho the job I left was fun and not real stressful I was a manager there here I am just an employee with not all the responsibility of a manager.

I have pretty much the same days off, I work in retail too, but in a camping store. Glad you don't have much stress at work, you have enough in other places. Lucky for me, I get this long weekend off. And you?

As for the kids and the H,everything you said was so true,but still it is so hard.I do think often of what the IC told me the time I went about loving 100% that you do not always get back all that you give I guess I struggle w/this still.

The kind of relationship I want is one where both partners give 110 percent. W and I are working on it, and some days we make it work that way. I keep thinking about your H, and I think his drinking is the single largest problem you face. I think that one doesn't let him think much about real life. He is in a rut, work, drink, sleep. The days he doesn't drink are filled with plans for day to day stuff, I doubt he thinks much about what he wants about life. I doubt he does much long term thinking.

So, you have my opinion, and normally I would offer ideas, but unless he does something about the alcohol I don't see a solution that works in favor of your marriage.


When I talk to my H on the phone he seems happier living like this.....apart.I guess it is not having to deal w/the everyday things of married life all he does is make a weekly deposit into the bank to cover bills and about every other week comes to see me for 2 days,in a way it is now probably the perfect marriage situation for him.

I don't think it is perfect. In fact, I think part of his drinking is to cover up the loss of happiness he has experianced, and is still going through. Really, I don't know, and I can't know for sure, but it would be consistant with what is going on for him. I suppose I am saying - don't be too sure that he is happy and doing well, because I think that is an act.

I guess I thought along w/so many others that if I did finally leave he would do a major turn around because it would be such an eye opener for him but it was not,after all he tells people that he lives here too just works over there(where I just moved from)
Some days I wonder what planet he is on.

He's in a soap opera - I think it's called "Another World." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

How are things when he is there, do you cook for him, make him feel at home, live like a normal married couple. I have typed this next one over and over, but I keep changing it - What I mean is..........What I mean is how does he see things based on how you treat him when he is there. Are you a good actress? Based on how you treat him would he think all is well?

I am trying to unerstand why he is saying what he does. Maybe he is living a different tv show - lost in space.

Now, you are moved, and setteled in to a routine. You work, you watch the grand kids sometimes, and what else do you do? Tell me about your life outside of work, I want to get a feel for how the rest of things are going.

Do you have any short term and or long term plans for hobbies, vacation, travel, or fun. I would like to hear about them.

Also, do you laugh at bad jokes?

SS

When he is here to visit that is just what it is a visit.He does his own laundry,if we go to the store he buys what he needs I buy what I need.He told me it feels strange,he feels like a visitor.

Yes I can laugh at bad jokes,and good one too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I watch the grandkids monday thru friday they sleep over on tuesdays.
I work 3 nights out of the week and all day saturday and sunday.That is my life right now.
Much busier than before I moved.
In between all of this I make sure my D gets to and from work and school.

Plans for fun.........no I have none.
Travel,I so looked forward to being able to travel and enjoy life at this stage,but now I would not want to travel alone and at this point I would not be able to afford it.

I work the long weekend because I am new,I have to work 6 months before I get paid holidays.If I was at my old job I would be off <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Oh well I enjoy my new job like I said it is my escape from reality.

Hi Ginger,
Hows the weather?

When he is here to visit that is just what it is a visit. He does his own laundry,if we go to the store he buys what he needs I buy what I need. He told me it feels strange,he feels like a visitor.

So, you have talked to him, do you have any idea why he doesn't want to change it? I couldn't stand to live like that. One of the reasons we marry is to help each other. What is he thinking? This last comment is sincere, it is not a comment on his state of mind, I really wonder why he wants to live like that.


Yes I can laugh at bad jokes,and good one too.

I mostly tell bad ones, so I wondered. My hope is that (at the very least) we get you to smile sometimes.

I watch the grandkids monday thru friday they sleep over on tuesdays.
I work 3 nights out of the week and all day saturday and sunday. That is my life right now.

OK, this is not my job, but I worry about you having the kids that much. Stop me if I am out of line, but I worry. How long will it be before you get the work schedule you want? No, wait, you do this on purpose so you can watch the kids. Right?

If I heard you say "That is my life right now" in person, would there be a kind of wistful tone to your voice?

Much busier than before I moved.
In between all of this I make sure my D gets to and from work and school.

How is she doing?
For that matter, how are you doing?


Plans for fun.........no I have none.
Travel,I so looked forward to being able to travel and enjoy life at this stage, but now I would not want to travel alone and at this point I would not be able to afford it.

I want you to do me a personal favor. I want you to make some plans for fun in Sept.

Now, I don't have the money to travel either. It would be nice to retire early, and see the world, but I would rather eat right now.

Even though things are tough, there are still things to do that don't cost much. I want you to find something in Sept, and tell us about your plans. If you can't come up with something soon, I will ask you some more questions.

Or, you can tell me to mind my own business, and I will leave you alone, but I figure we may as well have some fun with this. You up for it?

This can be a something you would be interrested in as a hoby if you had the time, but you don't, so you could just......say....attend a quilt show, instead of making a quilt.

It could be something you do with the family. Family "board game" night, or something.

It could be that you talk H into taking you out to dinner at someplace you have always wanted to go, but haven't been there yet.

Maybe you already do these things, and perhaps you thought I was talking about flying to Hawaii???

I know you don't have much time to dream, but please dream at least a little one, and do it this month just as a favor. OK?

I work the long weekend because I am new,I have to work 6 months before I get paid holidays. If I was at my old job I would be off.

I hate starting new jobs. It's so hard to train a new boss.

Oh well I enjoy my new job like I said it is my escape from reality.

When it's more fun at work, than it is at home.......or I suppose it's not really fun, but it keeps your mind busy, and you don't have time to worry so much.


Lots more I could ask, but lets see how you do with your homework assignment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

SS

<small>[ September 03, 2004, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

I second that. You need to have fun. Just remember what fun did for Star. Playing and having fun saved her sanity and led her H to feel a little curious too. Every now and then I like to jump in mud puddles. They made great slip & slides. Others see me do this we strange looks on their face but I don't care. It's biodegrable, no-money fun. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SS and SAB
I love your post and even tho we have never met it means the world to me that you would take time out of your day to write and ask questions and make me think.

I do have fun dont get me wrong it is just there is always the under lying stress between my girls.The youngest thinks I only care about the oldest and her kids,the oldest thinks that her little sister is a selfish spoiled brat and at times she is.

My youngest is doing ok she finally has made a good friend and this has helped her out alot.

Back to fun,sundays are hamburger night and my D and her family come over and we BBQ and swim however I would never admit this to her but some sundays nights I am so tired I feel like I could die,but it is fun.
I know how to do things cheap(not that I like to I thought this part of my life had passed)but I can do it if need be.Yesterday I found a discount movie theater and took the kids to the movies,we hit the lunch buffet at the pizza place so lunch and a movie for under 20bucks not bad if you ask me.

I will think and plan for something in Sept.there are lots of things to do it is just right now fitting them into my schedule is the problem.

I watch the kids out of choice to help out my D and her H.I feel as a parent it is the least I can do being that I can not help pay for her college education.They are both full time students and carry a heavy load knowing that the kids are w/me and happy eases that load some for them.

I hope I did not miss anything.

Have a great weekend and hope to hear from you both again real soon.

Ginger,
Watching your grandkids is a TREMENDOUS help; I know it from experience - my H and I were both full time students with two more years to go when our older D was born. Hadn't it been for my grandma and her help I would not make it; not to mention great soups she cooked - they would feed us for two days.
It is not the money it is the willingness to share and resourcefullness that matters.
I also thought the make-do times are over - guess it's better to know how to deal with them, and take pride in one's self-sufficiency.
Have a good weekend, and enjoy the love you get from your children.
I am spending this weekend away from home with my kids. We will have fun.
Wishing you that too,
FBOW

FBOW
Thanks I know that they appriciate(sp)what I am doing and I love being a big part of my grandkids lives but I understand what SS is trying to say also.

Have a fun weekend.

I thought you would be doing some thins for fun, and you are, but -
Shoot, some things are hard to say.

Even Hamburger night is work for you. It's not that you don't enjoy it, or that it's bad, but it's still work in many ways.

The time thing - I ~think~ I understand. I understand about the daughters, WE have similar problems - suspect most parents do.

So, time is a problem, and sometimes trying to plan something is more stress than it is worth. That is, you want a rest, and the thought of thinking about thinking about something is just too much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

How about this -
How about you don't worry about when you will do this, but tell us what you would like to do, if you had the time. This is not what you would do if you had lots of money, and unlimited time, but what you would do if you had a little time one day, and wanted to go and do something close that didn't cost much.

What would you do? Who would you do it with?

SS

<small>[ September 08, 2004, 05:31 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

What would I do hmmmmmmmm...........

Ok......I would go to a ballgame and buy a hotdog,sing take me out to the ballgame during the 7th inning stretch,I would love to go to the town lakes and rent a sail boat and go sailing,then after that take a walk thru the park.I would go see a musical,one I really wanted to see but my schedule will not permit right now and it will be gone in a few weeks it was called "MENOPAUSE" I think that one would be right up my alley <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Maybe drive up to the lake for a picnic.

And I would love to do all these things with someone that loved me more than life itself and just enjoyed spending time with me.

Ok let me wake up from the daydream <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now my little vent..........
Last night H calls,phone conversations have ended up in fights lately so I did my best to keep my mouth shut about my feelings and everything else so I basically just listened to him talk.Toward the end of the conversation he makes the comment to me that HE COULD NOT WAIT TO COME HOME SO THAT I COULD COOK FOR HIM and then gave me the menu that he would love to have..........gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Ok maybe I should look at it like this if he does not miss me much he is starting to miss my cooking..........LOL

All I could see in that was this is all about him still and what makes him happy,I dont think this man will ever wake up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi Ginger !!

Your list sounds great.

I bet most of us would enjoy doing the things you suggest.

Now, which ones fit your schedule? Which ones do you feel you can actually do?

I hear you about who you want to take. Sometimes I wish I could sit and talk to people on MB in person, because there are things I would like to talk to you about that take more time than I have here. (Typing takes so long for some of us.)

For instance, your H wants you to cook, you would like to have your needs met too, but it sounds like very few are being met on either side. I wonder if you could negotiate to have more met than what is being done now, but there are many things I don't know. I do realize you are sick of waiting for him to try.


Anyway, which ones (of your ideas for fun) do you feel you could really do?

Who could go with you that would be more fun than work. You could take the grandkids, because they probably love you more than life, but they are still work. (BTW, I know what you meant about someone to take, I am just talking to move this idea along.)

Who can you ask to go that will give you an emotional rest? Momof1 lives too far away, so does Sue. Who else? Good friend? Daughter? Who?

Next, when will you go?

I hope you are looking foreword to getting out, and having fun.

I would like to hear how it goes.

I find myself wondering what your H is thinkning about all this. On the surface, he acts like nothing bothers him. He would have to be off his rocker for that to be true. I bet things do bother him. For some reason, he won't do anyting about it. I want to know the reason he isn't working for improvement. Is it the alcohol, or is it something else? I doubt he understands it either.

Just talking to myself, sorry.

You are of great worth. Don't ever think you are not. I know good things can come out of great trials, but I realize the journey can be long and exahusting. Don't give up or think it will always be like this. I encourage you to plan and carry out your wish, even if you need to get a sitter for the grandkids. Maybe your daughter can cut one class and get off early to let you go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I believe it isn't as bad as we sometimes think. God knows you personally, he loves you. I have to think that even though he won't take all our trials away, he will help you find a safe path through the worst of them. I have faith in you.

Go on, have some fun. Let us know.
I'll be away again for a few days. See you later.

SS

<small>[ September 09, 2004, 02:56 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Thanks for the support.

I dont know what my H thinks most of the time you see this is one of the biggest areas in our life that he will not do and it is open up to me and tell me how he feels deep down inside.How I long for that in our relationship I realize that it is not as easy for men to talk about thier feeling,emotions,dreams,and wishes but if he could do one small thing for me this would be it.

As for my needs being met,he feels that is he takes care of me finacially that he is being a good H and father.His whole life he has been this way this is an area that he needs major work on.Even today he tells me how he will always take care of me finacially,I might tell him that I will not always need his help and he will say he always will no matter what.I think for him it makes him feel like he is doing what he is suppose to.I have told him in the past that this has never been a problem in our life that he has always done the best he could in this area for me and the kids,it is the emotional support that I need and that he is unable to do.
I can remember times when things would get really bad emotionally for me(even before the A) and he would tell me "Stop crying you dont have to cry about stuff" so I would stop,I guess really all I wanted was for him to hold me let me cry and tell me that he would protect us and things would be ok.

As for fun,right now nothing will fit into my schedule,and as bad as this sounds it would be nice to have a break alone without doing things w/my kids or grandkids not that I dont love them but we all need a life.

Well I will work on this,and it is time to run the grankids just got here.
Have a good weekend talk to you again soon.

Hi Ginger
Well I think it's time you had time out but not in a bad way.You need to start living your life for yourself and not for others.I'm discovering this myself.Your a "doer" but your doing for everyone else but yourself.Maybe you can make a date with yourself and tell everyone that your not available on a certain day or evening and go do something for yourself even if it is just a walk in the park.That would be a major accomplishment,take a blanket and some munchies and have a picnic.With my situation I'm constantly being pulled in all directions and it's hard especially with three D wanting something most of the time.Sometimes I just take a bubble bath for an hour just to escape but then I hear my H on the computer but I try to drownd it out.Start thinking of little things to make yourself feel special.Go to Starbucks or somewhere and sit outside and have a cup of coffee or a fapachino(I think their the cold ones?)even if it's just for 30 minutes or so.Sorry Ginger I'm just trying to think of simple things that you could do for yourself.When my H told me he missed me he said he'd talk to me about it later,all evening I wondered but he never talked about it again too busy chatting.Well Ginger I have to go.My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family call me when you can....

Hi Ginger,
sometimes I don't know if I ought to tease, or be serious. I think serious for a few minutes would be in order.

I can still see your strong feelings for your H in your last post. It is so sad that the feelings are there on both sides, but nothing is coming of them right now. I can almost see the fear in your H too, his doubt, but he won't act on them.

You have done all that you know, now you wonder.

I know you try not to dwell on the bad, so you haven't talked about beling lonely the last little while. We pray for you, that you might find happiness, and love - that you may recover your marriage. People do care - that's a good thing in this world. I know we can't change the world by wishing, but with some hard work and prayer, it can get better slowly. I hope your world gets better.

Now - back to teasing.

As for fun,right now nothing will fit into my schedule,and as bad as this sounds it would be nice to have a break alone without doing things w/my kids or grandkids not that I dont love them but we all need a life.

Well I will work on this,and it is time to run the grankids just got here.
Have a good weekend talk to you again soon.

Oh nooooo, it's not that easy to get rid of me. "time to run." Ha, did you think I would forget?

I understand about the grand kids, and kids. We did Labor day weekend with ours, and I loved it, but I didn't get any rest.

Saying there is no time is like - well, it doesn't work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

At the risk of being just another pain in your life, I really do want to see you schedule something. I realize that sometimes the stress of making it work is more WORK than just floating along, but there is a real risk to taking the easy way.

Should we scale this back, and just go for reading a really good book? Or should I keep working on it and kicking your ****?
In the nicest possible way of course. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Mmmm - all the best, and you can laugh if you want.

SS

Later edit -
I probably ought to go back and delete most of this, but I think I'll let it stand. What the heck.

<small>[ September 15, 2004, 04:14 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Well my H left this morning after a visit on his days off.He came mostly this time to look for a car for our 16yr old.He was suppose to look for a used car that could get her back and forth from shcool and work(she does not need to be driving all over the universe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )
So he ends up trading in my mini van and getting her and I both new cars.The amount going out each month is close to what just the van payment was so this does not upset me if he would have added another payment on top of what we already pay I would have been more upset.

Here is the thing tho.Now I have a 16yr old with a brand new car,a cell phone that daddy pays for,a 200$ designer purse he got her for her birthday,it seems he is trying to buy her.

As for me,a new car is not a thrill any more for me as long as it gets me where I am going w/out breaking down I dont really care what I drive.But it felt like once again he was giving big gifts in hopes that all would be ok.

He spent very little time with me alone,we did not talk at all,he tried to hide his drinking from me,even did the disapearing act that I am so use to.I caught him red handed w/a 6 pack so he tries and tells me it is near beer,like I cant read labels.
All I ask for is not to be treated like I am stupid and to be honest w/me.

To wrap up the visit,I have never felt so all alone in my life.It is such a hard thing to deal with.

As for fun.........we took the kids out for pizza and swimming does that count <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Ginger,

Like I told Sue, night time, and typing don't go together well for me, but I wanted to check in. If you get lines like t;hqejrq-w4eitp[qesrjL;JERL;QJTREL; QWTJL;QT ........IT MEANS I forgot to spell cheque this.

I read about the car, and the purse. I think about it for a while. I think some more.

Is he really tring to buy her, or is he just expressing love the way he learned to do it?

Have you read "The five love languages" by Chapman?

It ties in with HNHN by Harley. We often try to meet the needs for others that are the most important ones for us. That is, Men try to give sex, or financial support because that is what they want, and what they are good at. ( Good at FS, not always SF, just wanted to get that straight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )


Often they don't realize that their spouse really wants conversation, or affection, instead of being bought. See, we say "you can't buy happiness," but some people think that you can.

Now, I am just rambling, and you know him best, but I am learning about my own M, and I have learned that my W and I see somethings so differently that even after she tells me " I want things like this." I do it differently becuase I really can't comperhend that she really does. I mean, how could that be?

This is after two years at MB, and I still have a hard time with it.

Well, men and women are different, but as they say in France, Viva la difference. (or close to that, star*fish, can you correct my spelling?)

I am learning to use the differences as my friend, not my enemy. Wow, is it often hard, but I have to admit I am happy to be finally learning something.

Ginger, I am really sorry that there is such a gulf between you too. I relate things not that I think you are failing to see solutions, but I want to give you hope, and things to try.

Your H doesn't get it, but neither did I for so long. Perhaps sometime he will. I hope he does.

IN the meantime, no, swimming and Pizza doesn't count, and I am still waiting. ( SS taps foot, looks stern.)

SS can't hold a straight face, and cracks up.

Ok, it's your life, and you get to choose. I just want you to realize that life isn't all grand kids, (fun though they are) and work.

Perhaps this poem sums it up

It's only the view from where you sit
That makes you fear defeat.

Life is full of many isles,
So why don't you change your seat?

I encourage you to change your seat one of these days, even if only for a few hours. I figure if you will give us an event, and a time and date, it will happen, if not, it will may very well remain a dream. Dreams are nice, but I want to see them come out of your head and heart, and be real life.

Laugh if you want, but consider making your dreams come true, a little bit at a time, starting this month. You are worth it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

SS

<small>[ September 18, 2004, 12:53 AM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SS you are a very smart man.

Yes for my H buying gifts is his way to show how much he cares,he has always done this.And like you said many times he has gotten this wrong.I could tell him what I would like for Christmas point it out in a magazine,tell him what store to go to,even take him there myself and show him and still he would always get something different.I would be disapointed feeling he did not listen to me.He would tell me but this is better,not understanding that I did not want better I wanted that one thing.As I look back now I see in his eyes he was going one step beyond for me,I did not understand it then I do now.

Yes for him SF and FS is about all he can give me.Thank you for the insite on how men think.He feels that if he supports me or we have sex he is being a great H,not realizing how empty and lonely I feel inside.

I always settled for this feeling that was all he was capable of and I settled into my lonely life doing things w/the kids or alone.

This all would have been fine if the A never happened,because it was an internet A it was based on the one thing I have longed for all my M.CONVERSATION,AND TIME.I saw that he was capable of talking,that he could be very compassionate,that he could make time if he wanted to and it was important enough.
I guess what I am trying to say is that even almost 2yrs after dday,he is not able to give me those things and it hurts.He was able to with her but not me and I dont understand why.

Here is an example,yesterday I take my D to ***** to spend the weekend he was going to meet me half way but I ended up taking her the whole way no big deal.H was going to meet me for lunch but instead I picked him up at his place,he gets in my car and says HI to the grandkids but nothing to me,no kiss hello,no I miss you nothing.When we are almost done with lunch I bring it to his attention how when he left on Wed.he did not kiss me good bye,he does not kiss me hello nothing he acts just like he has for yrs in our M.After pointing this out of course he starts to pour on the charm.

I do not understand why I have to give him step by step instructions on how to treat me to make me feel like I am important to him.
After all I dont believe instructions were given on how to treat OW so that a relationship could form. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I know I must sound like a broken record.Sorry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for fun......... I have a saturday off in about 2wks and I have contacted my ex-SIL we have always stayed great friends and have not seen each other in several yrs.So if it works out and we can get together I will be having a whole day to myself,probably lunch maybe some shopping you know girl stuff.How does that sound?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well a little weekend update........
H calls me saturday night around 10pm he is so drunk he asks me if I am on my lunch hour!!!!!!!!

Needless to say this did not set well w/me,I tried not to loose it but did a little,he hung up on me and would not pick the phone up when I called him back.

On sunday am. he had sent me an email telling me stuff that he had already told me,he did not even remember talking to me about it.

I was angry,hurt and all the other emotions that go along with this.

I just dont understand why he keeps doing these things knowing it is just another major set back for us,I was starting to feel like maybe I could let my walls down just a bit.The last time I felt that way w/him I found contact between him and OW and now this time its this.

Hi Ginger, What you said your H calling at 10pm and asking if you are on your lunch hour really made me laugh. Sorry..... He had to be really drunk. I think he is finally missing you and is trying to drown out his sorrow with the booze. It seems like he is drinking more. Not to be on your H's side but I think he is so lost and doesn't know what to do. He misses you and his married lifestyle. But, H needs to realize somehow things with him has to change before you both can have a marriage together.

He has to first be willing to ask and accept help for his problems. I don't think any R talk will be worht it between you two until he realizes he has a drinking problem. It is so hard. I know you still love him and deep down that he loves you but doesn't know what to do. Is there someone you can tell that your H would be willing to talk to besides yourself or children? Or maybe he is that type of person that has to hit rock bottom with his drinking before he would consider it a problem. I hope not.

My prayers are alwys for you, my friend.

You have email. Maxlo