I just had another weird thought. How about looking at life as if you had your 2y/o's eyes. How would you approach life differently? I'm not quite sure how to convey this thought but 2y/os have a very unique sense and "joie de vivre". Yes they feel frustration as you do but are able to switch gears in an instant.

What do you think?

It seems I only make it a few days in a different gear.

Right now it is the deep lonliness that is getting to me.I know it will pass.

Yesterday started out great I felt wonderful,and as the day went on and things happened I began to loose control very quickly.

This has always been a hard time for me ever since my mom died,I always hated facing a birthday with out her.I eventually got to where I could,I even stopped expecting H to remember it or do anything for me,but the last 2 birthdays have been really hard.I think right now most of what I am feeling is due to the time of year more than anything.

ginger,

Does that mean it's your birthday??? Happy Birthday chere!!! I just had mine...the big 5 0

Everyday is a precious gift ginger. Feeling the loss of my mother helps me to remember that life is fragile and time is irreplaceable. My mother died at 58. My sister will die this year at 40. "Time waits for no one." There is no man living on this earth who is worth this many tears or this many lost days. Take back control of your happiness ginger. If you're lonely....make friends...take up a hobby...give some time to others...be spontaneous and do something zany.

(((((((((((happy birthday)))))))))))))))

Happy Birthday to you Star,
Mine is saturday to be exact,I will be 44 ouch did I really say that.
I sure dont feel like I am 44,I feel more like 34 or even 24,well they say you are only as old as you feel right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am trying to make some friends and find people to go out and do things with,I know this is what is missing.......Laughter and fun.

My D has a girls night out planned for my bday and it looks like thats what it will be because H will not be able to come spend the day with me.
However I bet it never accoured to him that he could send me a card in the mail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Oh well I have already made up my mind to have nothing but fun this weekend.Even tho I could use the extra hours at work I am not going to take them,I will worry about that next week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Happy Birthday to all you wonderful gals.
I just turned 49 in Sept, (SS looks himself up and down) I don't look or feel much different than I did last year, but it hurts more to get bucked off from a horse now than it did when I was 17.

I have done a lot more thinking about you Ginger.

I think this is less and less about what H does, or who he is emailing. I think it is more and more about Ginger taking back her life, and living it to the full.

When I was little, and someone would bother me, my mother told me to ignore them. It didn't always work, but very often it did.

Over time, you can change your thought patterns. I believe in you!

Like star says, do something Zany, but stay away from skitish horses.

SS

<small>[ October 19, 2004, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

I will take your advise and not ride a horse <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I havent given much more thought about the MSN IM names I found,I tried to get into them,asked him for passwords,he swore he had not used them in so long that he did not remember what password it was and he usually only used 2 different passwords and they did not work.I tried contacting MSN for new passwords but did not get a response so what can I do?? Nothing really,he knows if he is lying and at this point who cares right??

If he is doing something wrong it will surface eventually.

So today is a new day and I will make the most of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I truly thank everyone here for being my life support system thru all these difficult times.

Does that mean it's your birthday??? Happy Birthday chere!!! I just had mine...the big 5 0

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Happy Birthday Ginger, Star & SS}}}}}}}}}}}}

Have wonderful, wonderful day!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OMG: I'll be 40 too on Monday!!! No wonder we all get along so well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My sister will die this year at 40.

Star: How is she? How are you? My heart sank when I read this.

I have always said that October babies are the best <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Star:I lost my mom when she was just 39yrs old.As I look back now I see how much of life she did not get to enjoy by dying at such a young age.Its just not fair is it.I try to think of this when I am low,not wanting to waist a moment of life not knowing when it will end.I guess this is one of the biggest struggles I have w/H,that he does not make the most of the little time we do have to share together.

My prayers are with your family at this most difficult time.

I lost my mother too at 18.

My real "mom" was my grandmother. She died when I was 24 just after we got married at the age of 96. I miss her but I know she's watching over me.

My thoughts are with you also.

{{{{{{{{{Star}}}}}}}

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: SAB ]</small>

Star:I lost my mom when she was just 39yrs old. As I look back now I see how much of life she did not get to enjoy by dying at such a young age. Its just not fair is it.

Remember this isn't the end. She may be in a far better place, tho I bet she misses contact with her family.

I try to think of this when I am low,not wanting to waist a moment of life not knowing when it will end. I guess this is one of the biggest struggles I have w/H,that he does not make the most of the little time we do have to share together.

He's a guy, and we are the "dumber sex" - remember?
No offense to the rest of you guys that are really on the ball - I was talking about the rest of us, not you.

YOU ARE RIGHT, that's why we keep telling you to change things, and LIVE. Smell the roses, squeeze the bread - but don't get bucked off from a horse. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I think I've worn this one out, I better look around for another one.


Star, SAB, Ginger, MO1, Sue. You are all very brave, and I admire how you can all do so well in such difficulty. Thanks for the example.

I hope things get better and better for all of you.

SS

SS some how I find it hard to believe that you do not do just what you are suppose to.I bet you make your W feel like a queen.She is lucky.
Sure none of us are perfect but I bet you are real close <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well it seems I have lots of invites for my bday so no matter what I will have a wonderful day this yr that I am sure of.

My DIL asked me today if I could picture myself with anyone other than my H,being that we had been together for so long.I told her this is one of the biggest struggles I have,because it is so hard to picture me w/out him.

Its 5:30am I cant sleep. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Last night H said something to me in our phone conversation that really blew me away,it was something small I'm sure he did not notice much(or manybe he did)but for the first time in a very long time it made me feel like he was thinking of me and what I like.

He asked me if I was watching the ballgame.He said "I came home and said to myself I think I will watch the ballgame I bet you that is just what Ginger is doing and then that will give us something else to talk about".
I know its not much but it was sweet really.That he thought about something I like.In the past I would watch all the games tell him the highlights and he would go to work and talk to all the guys about the games as if he was the one that watched never letting them know that he was not a sports fan,but it was his W that loved to watch sports. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

A small positive step,what do you guys think??

I think he just gave you your birthday. It's nice to see you smile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !

SS:

He's a guy, and we are the "dumber sex" - remember?

Remember, men gave up wearing high-heeled shoes and tights in the mid-19th century. Women, on the other hand, are still wearing them. In my books, men don't look so dumb in this light. We just handle childbirth better.

Happy Birthday, my dear friend... May this day, your day of birth, bring peace to your soul.

You are a wonderful, caring and strong woman, my friend. I wish I could be there with you to celebrate this special day - I am with you in thought..
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
ps You have mail,,,,,, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Ginger....Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you had a great day.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you for the birthday wishes.

The day was ok,I will disapoint you all and tell you that I did not go out.
I did spend the day w/my D we had lunch together and did some shopping.

Sunday evening my brother and SIL took me out to dinner.It was nice.

Nothing big but it was still a nice day.

WOW you are a scorpio also... Yea for us... My B-Day is Friday 10/29.... I am glad you had an enjoyable day... Happy B-Day Late.....

I am glad you had a nice day. Glad it was a happy one.

It's not always easy to know what to say. I keep hoping for a major breakthrough for everyone, but often it gets better so slowly that we hardly know it. That would work too, but either way I hope things get better.

I hope the dance continues to change.

God be with you.

SS

One thing I can say is this......God is with me or I would not be here.

As for the dance............I had a small set back I think more over the big disapointment that this yr was just like any other as far as H is concerned.Sure he could not be here but he could have had flowers sent,or he could have sent a card anything to make me know that I am important to him,but no if he was not here I guess he figured he did not have to do anything.And that is just what he did.
Its partly my fault I set myself up for disapointment when it comes to him.I keep expecting more and know he will not deliver so then I get disapointed,so I guess really I have no one to blame but me in this area.

I know happiness comes from within and in general I guess I am happy,it is the deep loniness that seems to get worse as time goes by.I have been lonely for a very long time even when H and I lived together I guess without knowing it I just learned to deal with it and live with it and now for some reason I am having a harder time dealing with the loneliness.
Oh well as they say......."This to shall pass".

Hey girl, try to hang in there. Would it of been any different if you would of been in your old situation? Would your H remembered to give you flowers? Could you go back to the situation you left?What would be worse? You'ld still have the same expectations except he'd be right in front of you.I wish I could do something for you to make this easier.It's hard when you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone.It's a horrible feeling and I can so relate.I don't think anything can fill the void you feel right now.If there's anything I can do just let me know....take care, I'm with you, hang in there call me anytime ok