Just a couple of days ago I found out my husband of just under two years has been having an affair with an old friend. I don't know her. We got married quickly and then had our daughter just before our first aniversery. My husband is in the military. This fact caused us to be seperated for 5 months, the last 5 months of my pregnancy. (he was overseas). I thought that things would return to normal, everything was so good before. Before long we started to argue about every little thing. His family was no help either. They told him he made the biggest mistake of his life by being with me and had not even met me. As time went on we tried to work thru issues. Then about 4 months ago my grandmother passed away and I made the decission to stay with my grandfather to help out. My husband only had about 4 months left in the military and we were going to relocate after that. We planned that he would visit on weekends since he had our only car. Then before I knew it he was making excuses to go to another town to look for jobs and visit friends. I suspected that he was just going to party but tried to ignore my feelings. The braking point was just this weekend when we were celebrating our daughters first birthday and he went out of town intead of coming with me. He called a couple of days later and told me about the other women. I am devistated. I want so bad for us to be happy again and to forget any of this ever happened. Any suggestions????

Hi JennK and welcome to Marriage Builders. To answer your first question that's in your topic line, "NO! HELL, NO!" It is not your fault your husband had an affair. This was his decision and his alone.

Perhaps there are things in the marriage you could have done to better meet his emotional needs, (don't we all have those issues?) but that in no way justifies an affair. Have you read the articles here? They are very good at laying out how affairs start and how they can be stopped, often without the enthusiastic support of your spouse. The articles also lay out how to recover from this blow and make your marriage better than it was before.

But first, you have to decide whether you want to stay married. What are his feelings now? Are you fighting? Is the affair still in progress? There are lots of people here who can help you through this process. Read the articles, if you haven't already and post back w/your questions and concerns. We'll be here to help. Take care of yourself and your baby. Be strong.
Shellybird

I read most of the articles in the last couple of days...It makes some since out of this and what we need to do. The problem is that I don't know if he wants to work it out and stay married. I want that more than anything. Right now the other person is on a ship somewhere (she is also in the military). How do I get him to talk about his feelings?