Well, I guess that's it. I got served papers yesterday. He did come over and spend the night last night so he could be w/ the children. We had a good time. I had hoped he'd remember that we did have a very good life. I've tried everything. I've told him that I would do anything to save our marriage and I would. But he doesn't want to. I've messed up my entire life and my children will have to pay for my sins forever.

I have no advice for you. I think it was very cruel that it was serve on Christmas Eve. I am so sorry and know that you are in a lot of pain. I hope today is better. You are in my prayers<BR>{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Thank you. I am just really depressed. I know things will eventually get better but I just don't know what my life will be like now. I miss him.<BR>

AnnR,<P>Like SDS said, sorry for this - the timing is really insensitive. Better to have waited a week or two and get past the holidays. The affair is all about "100% ME" and our H's actions sure are just that! <P>One thing is for sure, next year's holidays will have to be better this these!! Something to look forward to! <P>Candle going for you today....<P>Roll Me Away <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

AnnR,<BR>Have you tried showing him books like Harley's or "After the Affair"? And showing him your remorse? (Roll Me Away seems to have missed that you were the betrayer). Maybe your H does not know that there is a possibility that you two CAN recover. There are a lot of myths about affairs and betrayers, like "once a philanderer, always a philanderer", and the pain of betrayal is so intense it is difficult to imagine forgiveness in the beginning. You have two choices, one to keep working on him (more than one couple has remarried... Harley here has good ideas about it), the other is to accept his position and your new future. It is too early to know what that new future may bring. It is scarey, but your future could just as easily be more positive than negative. I do feel for your children. This is why affairs are wrong--people get hurt. Something I'd like to scream from the rooftops...

Thanks to you all. Jenny, I did convince him to buy the Harley book. Only because we were both in Barnes & Noble and I was begging him to. I don't think he's read it though. I have been very remorseful. My affair was really wrong. It was w/ my pastor and after it was discovered in the church, several other women have come forward w/ inappropriate behavior from him. I pressed charges against him w/ in the church so it won't happen there again. Screwed up isn't it? What a fool I have been!!!! I hate myself!<P>

Don't hate your self. I am really soory for you. But I am sorry for your spouse who can't work with on this with you. You realize the mistake you made and want to work it out together. I am sorry that he can't get past it and try. I am not sure but I gather as soon as he found out he filed for a divorce? Let me know more of your story.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

AnnR,<P>{{{{{{{{{{<B>AnnR</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>AnnR</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>AnnR</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>AnnR</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>AnnR</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I'm sorry for you...<P>My wife filed back in April... but 3 days before today(Christmas)... she files for more motions against me...<P>Hurt... upon hurt...<P>Today is God's day...<BR>Let's leave it with Him... He is capable of handling it even if we are not... <P>Prayers and a lit candle for you too... <P>Jim

Thank you all .... especially for the big hugs! I really needed them today. <P>SDS, he has been moved out for two months. He found out about the affair in late September. So, I think he has moved quickly but he says it's the only choice. I'm starting to think that maybe this is what he has been wanting. Our marriage was good though. I know that sounds ironic since I had the affair. He travels a lot and I think that helped contribute but it's no excuse.

Yes he did move quickly, too quick. I am sure it was all done in anger. Don't give up hope. I hope that he will be able to work out the anger then work on the marriage. I think you should try plan a no love busting. Meet his needs and tell him at every opportunity that you love him. Don't bring up the affair unless he does then answer all questions as honestly as you can. Hang in there. Saying a pray for you.<BR>But donot sit at home it is too depressing. Even if you feel like a third wheel it is better then being by yourself. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

SDS --- You are so right. I have learned ... over and over again. .... that God's word is true. I'm sorry if this offends anyone. I've seen how you do pay for your sins and how they affect others as well. But I have also seen God's love expressed to me through others. I do believe that being bitter and angry will get me now where but more heartache. I do love my husband and will still love him even if he divorces me. <P>Do you think I should send him a copy of this posting?<BR>

AnnR--<P>Does he know you've already been served with the papers (and when)?<P>Just wondering. Things aren't over yet. Plan A. Thinking of you with warm, healing thoughts.

DId you read RMA's post about third session with Steve Harley? You can not educate them. Have you read Dr. Harley's book Surviving an affair. If not do so. I still think you should ceck into doing plan a. I don't think he would read the post. BUt then he might it. If only he would post here or read here a few times it might help. It just may take awhile for him to work through his anger. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

AnnR,<P>I am sorry to hear that it has come to this. I asked you this before, but I don't recall getting an answer. Can you talk with your H about things? Is he able to sit and talk about issues with you? Or is he still so angry that he will not listen to you?<P>If you can talk with him keep doing so. Read Roll Me Away's posts about talks with Steve Harley and trying to educate spouse. If you can keep on an even keel and continue to show love, his anger will dissapate eventually. More than a few people have remarried if the divorce does go through.<P>My guess is that he is feeling that most of the marriage was a lie and doesn't see much good in it. This will change. Do you have any ideas as to why you had the affair? Are the reasons something that you could prevent in the future or you could prevent with his help? Think about this. Eventually, your H will need to be reassured that this event is a one time thing that can be prevented in the future.<P>It seems to me that at this point, keep showing him you love him and slow down the divorce proceedings as much as possible. Time is the main ingredient in healing these situations. So take care of yourself, your kids, and have patience and hope.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>JL