My husband and I married four months after our first child was born. Very soon after our marriage I knew something was wrong. He wasn't very interested in being intimate. We were usually intimate once a week but sometimes once every two weeks. I would wind up angry and he would then be intimate. I always felt like he was performing out of duty. It hurt so much that I stopped sleeping with him and slept in a different bed. After 17 years of marriage and five children I discovered him pleasuring himself. This killed me because I had hurt sexually for years. I had slept in a different bed so I wouldn't have to feel the humiliation of not being approached. After I found out what he was doing, he said I had to forgive him. I started sleeping with him again but things aren't any better. Last week he told me he had been on the internet and a singles ad poped up and he went on it out of curiosity to see who the single women were in our area. Then he shocked me by telling me he also checked to see who the gay men were. He acted like this was a typical curiosity. I have been depressed and wondering if this is normal. The sad thing about this is that I have always been ready to be intimate and have never had a headache.

Faithwalker, I'm very sorry you are in this situation.

I have no experience in what you are experiencing but I do know that on the Emotional Needs board of this forum a very similar question was raised.

I don't know if it would help you to post there. I am sure more knowledgeable people than me will be along on this board shortly.

Jenny

Faithwalker,

I am sorry about your situation, but welcome to MB.

Do you have a suspicion that your husband might be gay or bisexual? Have you noticed any other signs? One of the signs is a decrease in SF soon after marriage.

If this is a possibility, there is a website that helps women married to gay men. (www.gayhusbands.com) There is a gay husband checklist that might help you. There are other websites as well.

Either way, I don't like that your H is visiting singles websites.

I would recommend that you read all of the information on the MB website, if you haven't done so already. The book His Needs/Her Needs is very good as well. It might be helpful for you both to do the Emotional Needs Questionnaire. It is a way you can find out what his most important needs are and you can inform him of yours as well. Then follow plan A and do your best to meet his needs.

As KiwiJ says, I also think that it might be helpful for you to post this on the Emotional Needs board.

svb