WAT - I have read many of your posts and respect your thoughts and opinions. I read your guides to Affair Exposure 101 and on contacting the OP I do have my own experience to add - from today as a matter of fact.

My WH has refused to provide me with too many details on his PA with a co-worker that he still works with. While I respect his need to not be beat over the head with the same questions, I still needed to find a way that I could at least trust his story of when it ended and that it indeed ended. Enter a phone conversation with the OW - which I'm sure I will get plenty of negative feedback on:)

My WH is currently traveling to the city that he had his liasons with this co-worker. It is the first time since Dday. Because he has been so vague on details I wanted to 1) Make sure that she was not traveling today, 2) See if her story of when it ended matched his, and 3) To make sure that she knew I was aware of the affair and not willing to let it go on. I wrote down exactly what I wanted to ask her, then I called her.

I was very polite and calm when I asked her if the affair was over and could she confirm when it ended - without telling her what he told me. She of course denied it was an affair and claimed they were just friends, which I calmly informed her that I had all of the information I needed to believe otherwise and all I wanted from her was the answer to those two questions. I explained that we were working on our marriage and I had no desire to cause her harm, I just wanted her version of the "end". She finally gave up trying to convince me it wasn't an affair and we both ended up referring to it as a "Friendship" and she agreed that it WAS over and had been ended during the time my WH claims it ended.

For me it was a step forward because 1) I now know that I am not inferior in any way to her, which I have been feeling, because she was totally b****y to me and I was nice and calm. And I don't care what anyone thinks about me for saying that because this woman took a part of my life and destroyed it so she does not deserve my kindness, but I gave it anyway. 2) It does help that she confirmed the general time period that this thing ended, although I will still have some trust issues. 3) I can relax at least today and tomorrow because I know they are not together as they have been in the past, which does help.

Now before I get a lot of criticism on this I want everyone to know that I did inform my husband when I did this - although it was AFTER the fact. If she calls I will know and he says that he will tell me. He in fact seems to be okay that I called her and says that he understands my need for some confirmation. Additionally, he said that he wants me to do whatever it takes to make me feel better.

Sorry if it seems I'm threadjacking, but I thought this was a very timely topic considering what I did today. Again, this is merely my personal experience and I wouldn't necessarily tell everyone to contact the OW. I waited until I was sure I could be calm and unemotional before I called her - and I have been wanting to do it for a long time!