hi, i am new here for i just found out april 30 that my husband had slept with another woman. she called me and said "you don't know me but i thought you should know that i slept with your husband". who expects a call like that on a beautiful afternoon. he was there when i got the call and denied it at first, but admitted after a few minutes. i told him to leave and that i couldn't be with him, but the next day he called and said he wanted to "work it out". we have a three year old daughter and to be honest i missed him so much. i let him come home and we talked about what he had done. it happened one night after a show(he done a radio show 1 night a week), but he also confessed that about a week later, at the same place, it happened again with someone else, AND HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER.i just can't believe he has done this to me. we shed a lot of tears that night and talked more than we have talked for a long time. he has quit the radio show, and said he would do whatever he needed to prove he wanted me and that it will never happen again. i am just confused and need someone to talk to. any advice or comments are very appreciated. thanks julie

julie -

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be, under the circumstances. Most of us have been through the terrible heartbreak and pain that you are going through right now.

Start in Plan A. You can read all about it in this forum, under the General Welcome to All New Builders thread.

Your situation sounds very hopeful to me. Most WS's deny everything and continue to lie. Also yours agreed to quit the radio show. That shows he is sincere.

Stick with us and we will help you through this. You can have a marriage that is better than before. Also you will not feel like you do forever. There are better days ahead.

You might move to General Questions, as there is more traffic up there, and you will get more responses.

I too just found out, although I had some idea, that my husband has been having an mental or emotional affair with a coworker. It has been devastating to me. I have a 1 1/2 year old son and I really never saw this coming. It really became very obvious though in the last month. He tried to make us friends, the other woman and me, so that they could spend more time together! I mean I spoke to this woman frequently as she is the secretary at his job. She knew me and our son, She is married and has 3 children, I can not believe that she would persue this. She was bringing her personal problems to work and sharing them with my husband who claims he just felt bad for her and wanted to be her friend and then it just evolved into a loving relationship. I have spoken to the OW, and she and my husband swear there was nothing physical, but I cant trust that... Right??? I mean they both said they were physically attracted to each other and the amount of lies that have flown, I just cant buy that... Plus right before I found out he was having trouble performing, so I am not sold on this one... We are getting counseling and the OW has said that they need to do the right thing and focus on their marriages, I feel like second prize! When he had the opportunity to do the right thing he did not do it, it took her to say... I dont know my head swims and I am just in shock! My discovery Day was May 3, 2004. I am so glad that there is someplace to see that others are in the same position, all be it a tough one! Thanks for any words you can give on this, especially anyone who has a very similar situation.

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worst pain ever - Welcome to marriagebuilders. Try posting on General Questions forum, so we don't get mixed up. There is more traffic there.

hi, thanks for your reply believer. it feels so good to hear that someone else thinks things might work out. there are only 3 people who know about our situation, all 3 are his friends so i feel like i have noone to confide in, and that if i did, it would just make it that much harder to try to work things out. thank you so much for your reply, and to worstpainever, i know how you feel, except i wasn't expecting a thing. i got a phonecall in the middle of the day. it is such a hard thing to deal with, as you already know. it just feels like your heart is being wrung out, and if your like me, i just can't understand WHY? if you need anyone to talk to i'm here, and since we are all in a similar situation at least we have each other to talk to. thanks so much guys, julie

Hi Julie - I am sorry you are here, but you will find this board to be very helpful. There are alot of people who have been where you are and have survived.

I am a fws - if I can suggest getting Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs, Torn Asunder is also a good book that deals with A's.

If you can get into MC right away, we did both - the MC and purchased several books on the subjects. They all helped.

You have a roller coaster ahead of you, I found posting was therapeutic, there are always people her who are willing to help you work things out - Sandy

Click on the link in my signature line.