Here's my advice for those of you who "just found out." Read "Surviving An Affair" and get going on your Plan A. Give it a 3-4 month time limit. If your spouse can't come back to reality and can't be honest and can't show you any respect, get yourself a lawyer and get it over with. Life is way too short for dealing with all this infidelity crap. There is life after divorce... believe me... so cut your losses. Someone else will fall in love with you. You will find peace and happiness... it's just human nature. Yes it will hurt but humans have a way of healing.

I'm serious about the lawyer thing. I was only married 3.5 years, no kids, not much community property... and thought we'd resolve it quite easily in mediation. Boy was I wrong. A cheating spouse doesn't really care about you (which is why they have no problem cheating), and once you file for divorce, they could even care less. My X-wife is still trying to unjustly take me to the cleaners... after she dragged her feet for a year and then ultimately hired a lawyer... which of course caused me to hire a lawyer (a year an a half after legal separation). A lot of legal issues could/should have been addressed by me the day I filed for divorce and I regret having the good faith that she and I could do it civily... I don't think there is such a thing.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Good luck.