I recently discovered that my husband has been carrying on with someone he met through work for about 2 months now. Almost from the beginning I had a gut feeling and was questioning his honesty even though I had no proof of anything. I learned of his affair after he "went to a baseball game with friends". I knew that there was someone going to that game that he did not want to disappoint. 2 weeks after the game I saw our cell phone bill and it had another phone nu,ber on it - when I called the company I was told they were given instructions to not give anyone information except my husband. Red Flag - I told him to come clean or leave - he left. He was gone for 2 days and then showed up very emotionl said he wants to be home with me and our kids (I am pregnant too with a very planned 3rd child) but yet he would not stay that night, he said he thought we needed some time. In the 2 days he was gone I had convinced myself that I was emtional and nuts for thinking that he would ever betray me by having an affair. The next day he came home and was ready to stay and I admitted I thought I had a problem and had scheduled an appointment with a counselor to help me get over these feelings. 3 days later I found a picture of him and another women at the baseball game. He said it was over already a long time ago. Through veiwing his cell phone records I was able to seee that he called her when we were out on a date together - he excused himself and went to the bathroom to call her. He called her while I was on my way to my OB appointment that he promised to meet me at and never did, he called her everyday that he was home with his family. All the way up until 2 weeks after I found the picture, when he had already said it was over. Then 2 weeks after he had talked to her for the last time he finally tells me that he stayed with her in her apartment when he left me at home with $8 in my wallet and turning off my credit cards and ATM card. Now it has been about 4 weeks and I found a restricted phone number on his cell phone @ 1:12AM and when I asked him if she had called him he denied it and said not one had called him (he is a firefighter and is gone 24 hours at a time). Finally he admitted that she had called him and he claims that he doesn't know how seh got his new cell phone number. He said she has a frined that works for the cell company and he must have looked it up. I have doubts as to whether or not I can handle this and stay and if I can trust him to tell me the truth. I resent him so much and have lost respect for him and the thought of being intimate with him turns my stomach. I am a nervous wreck and this has turned me into a "detective" and I just can't let it go. Is it possible to get through this?

B2733,,,, You ask is it possible? Yes it is very possible,, after my wife betrayed me and I started to slip into depression I looked up any information I could about infidelity. I was shocked to find out that 50% of all marriages will experience an affair. Read up on surviving infidelity,, it will shock you to see that very few marriages end due to an affair, many survive and become more stable and secure than ever. I went through the detective phase,, your actions are normal,, also you are pregnant so I would think your emotions will be affected by that as well. You do need to make sure your WH has ended his affair,, but find non obsessive ways of doing it,, In other words dont sit around all day thinking of ways to catch him,, assume right now he is telling you the truth but you have to protect yourself,,, read up on this site about plan A and plan B.. this will help you understand how affairs begin and how they should end,, it has a great track record for dealing with a WS. I really dont know if you will be able,, or what you will be able to take as far as perscribed AD's (Anti Depressents) talk to your doctor. Kepp posting your thoughts and feelings here it will help,, I am halfway through Harleys book,,Surviving an Affair, it has reall helped me understand that all is not lost. It will help you to. Stay strong and do not make any jump to decisions for you are not able to really make any clear decision in your condition, Harley says at least give yourself 6 months. Hang in there and keep us posted on your feelings.

The lies are so very hard. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> You want to believe that your S would never do anything like this. But if you read the postings here that seems to be the normal response. You want to believe when your S says things like “the A is over”. You want to make sense of everything. The best thing I have learned so far is, “you cannot make sense of nonsense; you cannot find sanity in insanity”. Write about you chaos and you will find that others have the same chaos and you are not crazy. Please hang in there.

B2733
Welcome to marriagebuilders. You might want to jump up to general questions. The board gets very slow over the weekend.

You are very normal in your feelings. As you read here, you will see that most WS's are all alike. It is creepy how they all say and do the same things.

Also there are several other pregnant women here. Talk about bad timing for an affair, but it happens a lot. Keep reading and posting and we will help you through this.

erick.n

You said:
"it will shock you to see that very few marriages end due to an affair"

This is not true! The majority of marriages where the WS is the wife DOES end in divorce. You may be confusing Harley's claim that most marriages are saved when the parties are willing to work on it with the actual statistics. The majority of men who discover their wife's infidelity LEAVE! Those of us that stay are either fools or brilliant...only time will determine which.

illek -

What is wrong with a man wanting to keep his vows? I see nothing foolish about it. Even if you end up divorced, you will have the personal pride of knowing that you did all you could.

Believer,

SO you believe there is some virtue in we BS's keeping our "Wedding Vows" while our WS's throw them to the winds? SOrry, I don't buy it. My WW obviously did not take the vows too seriously or she would have kept her pants on. It doesn't make me feel any better knowing that I kept my vows. Frankly, it makes me feel pretty dumb sometimes.

Sorry you feel like that. But there is nothing wrong with being an honorable man. Whatever the outcome, you will know that you took the higher road.

Yes, our partners have betrayed us and their vows, but we know that we did the right thing.

Maybe its a male thing.