I have found where my husband has numerous personal ads on, at first he said he was just bored, then I found where he wanted a secret affair...he still says that he was just playing and doesn't even remember what he put on the ads, They made me sick, he was offering all the things that I want. he says I am over reacting and there is nothing wrong with it...of course there are a lot more details, but please someone get send me an e mail, I need advice please.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I have seen lots of people whose spouse put in personal ads. And when caught they all deny it.

So need to calmly talk to him and find out what is missing in the marriage. Read about Plan A here. You might also want to switch to General Questions, where there is more traffic. Weekends are slow here.

Dear Victoria - this is how I met my OM - personal ad online, he said he was bored too and that is why he was looking for an A, I was lost and thought my M was over

You are not over reacting and there is definetly something wrong with it, he is looking for an A.
You need to tell him that this is wrong, has he deleted the ads?

See if you can get into MC right away, find out why he is looking elsewhere, don;t let this go - hope this helps - Sandy

I tried talking to him rationally nicely begging for him to tell me what he is missing, but he says if I wouldn't go digging therer wouldn't be a problem in fact he says today is the last day and he is getting rid of the computer. I am so lost , there is no communication he refuses to go to mc so I am so depressed I am lost...

They all say the same thing - if you wouldn't confront, there wouldn't be a problem.

This worries me - getting rid of the computer. Does he have access at work? What about your computer needs?

You might see a doctor and get on some anti-D's. They really help.

Your husband is going to try to sweep this under the rug. Very typical reaction. Don't let him to it. Keep reading here, and we will help you.

I agree with believer - he is trying to turn this around that it is your fault and if you wouldn't have snooped you wouldn't have found out.

Don't let him sweep it under the rug, if he won't go for MC with you don't be afraid to go by yourself.

It is not fair to take the computer away - I think again that is a threat. You may want to install a key stroke program on the computer (secretly of course) if he decides to keep the computer.

no he has not taken the add off, he says there is nothing wrong with it as long as he doesn't meet anyone. We are having a miserable time right now, I am not stupid and he wants to convince me that he has no rememberance of what he said on the ad, said he just put what he had to too look, I would feel a lot better if he just said I was bored with you, or ya I thought I could get away with it, but no, he says he is taking the comp tonight, and I think I still have my old one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> are all men so stupid to believe that they can do something and turn it around, he acts like i am a monster, he says he has had about all that he can take. I have a two daugters one by him who is 8 months old, he is a good father, but whenever he gets busted with things like this he gets really mad, any other time he is a sweetheart...but this is the dark side that jumps out when he gets caught doing something. I quit work when I had the baby because we are financially good without my income....and worst of al all this time we haven't been having sex (since his back a dn leg injury) I believed that is what it was, I would love for you all to take a peak at his profile at lavalife.com persuader2004 is his username....he says that he put that on years ago.....but HELLO the last date changed says it all...he says he has no idea why it says that..like I am stupid GIVE ME A BREAK...I don't mind working through things if he gives us something to work on, I am a damn neglected wife no sex nothin, but I don't do that stufff

I'll check it out. Don't let him use his anger to make you stop confronting him. That is what they do. But confront him calmly and without getting angry. I know, hard to do.

Checked it out.

okay believer, checked it out and what did you think?

Lavalife was the site that I met OM - there is a section for just dating,etc and basically one for sexual encounters, the sexual encounters was basically all married people looking for A's -
it is not alright for him to have a profile on that site when you are married - he has a problem. What would he think if you opened a profile too?

Is he perhaps going to take the computer away so then you cannot look at that site or any other site he may be visiting?

I think you have to put your foot down, be firm, this is not acceptable for a married man, if that is what he wants to do - search for another woman in front of you/on line - he needs to leave
he needs to make a choice - not have his cake and eat it too. Has he been off work with his back and leg injury?

I am so sorry you are in this position and wish I could come up with something else for you to do which would make him see what a big mistake he is making -

yes he works, he was off a few years ago, but yes he does work. and I think there may be something there also...let me ask you, would you go to his personal and answer it, and see if he says anything back?

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: victoriar ]</small>

I signed up on lavalife and sent him a message 4 days ago. No answer from him, nothing.

Oh, and I told him I was 24 and looking for "fun".

thanks believer....I can't sleep at night without dreaming and being angry in my sleep...I don't know what to do...his mother had bi pass surgery a few days ago so I fee llike everything is on hold, and he will assume that it is ok

Still nothing from him today. You can check out my profile under rumellow. The funny thing is that I picked that name before I saw his ruinterested.

By the way hon, I am old enough to be his grandmother. Hehe.

thanks believer for keeping an eye out for me your a doll

Still nothing from him. Hope that it was just curiosity or fantasy on his part. How is his mom doing?

And how are you doing?

Nothing today either. I think he might have just been dreaming.

Still nothing from him, but tons of other responses.