Can you believe it???

He cheated on me the first time 1 year and 2 days ago...Funny thing? Our anniversary is tomorrow (so he had an affair 3 days before our 15th anniversary last year - scum), and today, after dealing with the stress of this week, I got on my computer, and found out he is at it again...this is AFTER we renewed our vows in Feburary.

I got a spyware software - that is how I caught them this time - I went to his office, confronted him, and went to her house and grabbed her husband, told him (we drove around the block), and then I went into her house, and told her that she cheated with the wrong man, and that she was a b-i-t-c-h! Okay, so I may have overreacted, but I wasn't thinking! I boxed his clothes and put them on the porch - pretty bad - I am so sad! AND HURT!!!

I don't see how I can get over this...help...please...

Hi Rainbow03,

Welcome to MB... I'm sorry that you're in so much pain right now...

As you can see from my sigline, my W had many A's during our first three years of M. I knew about one A, but none of the others. I never delt with her first one and basically swept it under the rug... We didn't go to any MC or IC and we never addressed the real problems in our M that led up to her A(s).

After about 10 years of "fake recovery", the guilt finally caught up with my W and she confessed to the other A's that I never knew about. For me, it was just as painful as the day I found out about her first A.

I'm no expert, and we didn't really follow the MB principals 100%, but we did deal with her past A's through MC and IC... and lots of prayer and hard work by both of us. I'm so glad that I put my pride aside and really worked at rebuilding our M instead of just sweeping it all under the rug again... I can truly say that our M is better than I ever dreamed it could be.

Just wanted to let you know that it is possible to recover from this and start rebuilding your M... if both you and your H are committed and willing to work through the issues together.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Rainbow,

I know how you are feeling. My H also betrayed me twice.... with two different women, five years apart. It was horrible the first time — it nearly destroyed me (and us) the second time.

Like Rebuilding said, we didn't do the hard work after the first affair. It was easier to chalk it up to "a bad mistake" and move on. Yes, we got counseling, but honesty was nowhere to be found. We didn't heal, we just agreed to be agreeable (and for a couple of years it worked).

Then, OW #1 kept popping up via email every year or so. I thought they were at it again in spring 2002 and I put spyware on the computer. Found out there was a new woman, OW #2, but OW #1 was still being e-mail buddies, too. I had it. But here we are, two years later, and our marriage is better than ever. Both women are out of our life. For good this time.

You need support, and this is a good place for it. Be sure to read the info on this site about Plan A and Plan B, radical honesty and all the rest.

My heart goes out to you. It sounds like your husband is involved with the same OW. Your reactions to finding out they are still involved aren't overboard, really. That comes with the territory. But continued outbursts won't help your situation or make you feel any better, either.

Keep your head on your shoulders and read, read, read. You can get through this!

~ Snow