Jenni, I'm glad you found this site. I've found some comfort in this site too.
First of all, I'm sooo sorry for all your recent losses. I can't imagine what you must be feeling!
Do you go to church? I hope so. If not, that's a good place to find a friend! You need someone that will actually be there for you in person to talk to! And if not someone your own age, find someone older that has gone through life a little longer than you and would have some wisdom to share with you.
It sounds like you and your hubby have a lot of stuff to talk through and work out! But I would be on my knees if I were you. God can speak to your husband so much more effectively than you ever could. So talk to God about it and vent your feelings to him. He can do a great work in your relationship if you just ask and trust him.
Speaking about trust...sounds like that's going to be a big issue for a while now in your relationship. Counceling is a great avenue to talk about and work out your trust issues. But it's going to take time for you to regain trust in your husband.
About the sex issue, I know how hard that can be. My husband has a lack of interest in sex too. There is a reason behind it though...it's because of his active sex life before we were married. This is something that we've had to work through. I really encourage you to stick by him, even though it's hard only getting sex once or twice a month. But when you married him you made a vow before God! That's no small matter! You most likely said "...as long as we both shall live..."
Your husband is not perfect. You are not perfect. And an affair won't help you because no one on this earth is perfect and you will always have issues with your husband, no matter who it is.
I want to pray for you real quick...
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to pray for JenniK right now. You know exactly who she is, where she is, all her issues and what she needs right now. Lord, I pray that she will turn to you through this very hard time in her life. I pray that she would spend time in the Word every day and time in prayer with you. Dear Father, I ask that you would be her healer. She needs healing in her relationship with her husband! Father, I pray for her husband, that he would be sensitive with her needs. I pray that Jenni would be able to be open and honest with her husband about her needs. I pray that You would just bring them back together emotionally, physically and spiritually. Just be their healer! I know that You care so much about their marriage. You put them together and you want them to stay together. Lord, please help them! Amen.
Well, girl, trust the Lord and go to Him to meet your needs cuz your hubby will never be able to meet all of them. He'll always fail you and God will always be a perfect friend. You can expect perfection from God, but not your husband. Just love him, mistakes and all!
Keep praying! Don't give up!
