Homer:
You said...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The fact is....I can't control what she does at this point. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's true. Plan A doesn't try to force the WS to do anything. It's all about ending the affair and creating an environment that the WS wants to "return" to.
Harley's Plan A has several parts to it. IMHO it's not effective if you're implementing only part of it.
Having gone thru all of this I would still stongly urdge you to tell OM's W asap. It will almost insure the end of the affair.
What if OM's W had discovered the affair first? Would you have wanted her to tell you? I would want to know.
I have another question for you. What happens if your wife comes to her senses and recommits to the marriage before you have the chance to tell OM's W. Will you still tell her?
This is the catch 22 that you can find yourself in. You know you should tell his W but your W is saying that telling would be a LB.
Happened to me. I wish I had told my female counterpart as soon as I had credible evidence. Felt hugely guilty. She appreciated it immensely when it was finally done. She said that she wished I had called her sooner so that she could have carried some of the burden of helping to end the affair.
Funnyy thing is that I got this same advice from some veterans of the board two years ago. I ignored it and then wife tried to negotiate non-discovery for her OM.
Watch for signs of withdrawal. This will tell you whether NC is in place. Every time contact is made withdrawal starts all over again.
Are you providing those emotional needs?
Only you truely know your situation. Keep in mind that alot of affairs start as EAs then progress to PAs and then back to just EAs again.
That's what happened in my case. The APs really only had a few oppurtunities to get physical. The EA continued for 7 months after the first (and supposedly only) time.
Good luck,
mac
