I pondered long and hard about contacting the wife of the OM. This morning, I just went ahead and did it. We spoke for an hour. She was shocked (of course), she did not yell and scream. I kept insisting that even though I don't have hard, physical evidence, the circumstancial evidence I had was, to say the least, was convincing. She kept saying, "no, you know to much...". 92 telephone calls to each other in one month is more than friends! Then, as I am about to hang up, she asks me what the phone number was...and I tell her the number of her husband. "He has a cell phone I know nothing about" she said.
She thanked me. The call she never wanted to get, from a man who for 19 years (almost 10 with my wife), never gave her a reason to suspect. The man she was going to begin travelling with when he retires in 2 months.
She thanked me for telling her. She told me that she would relay other information to me, as I've done to her.
As I say, I thought long, and hard, many, many sleepless nights, but today, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. For once, I feel as though I am directing the events of my life, and not just reacting to the things that are happening to me!
Bless each and EVERY ONE of you!

I think this is a major accomplishment,,, I give you props for being strong enough to tell her this. It is not easy to tell someone the unthinkable has happened.
This gives you another weapon in ending the affair. You can bet OM will now be under the same pressure to end the affair as your W.
great news.... I hope this has a positive outcome in rebuilding your marriage

Good for you. This was the right thing. Now a little light is shed on the affair.

Did you suggest she come to marriagebuilders?

No, didn't tell her about Marriage Builders. We left it that we were going to stay in touch if we found out any other additional information. All in all, last night was better (mood wise) for me, and today is even better still.
Of course, if WW says to me, "Why did you call his wife", I will say back "I thought you weren't talking to him anymore?"... Besides, I told her I might call his wife...
I just can't believe how different today feels. Like I'm taking control of my life, instead of taking what life is dishing to me...

Hang in there JohnDoe. This is a huge step. I had to take it far too many times unfortunately and I'm there once yet again.

As hard as it is, she deserves to know. I had one backfire on me because he just couldn't possibly believe that his W would do such a thing. He was ok with the emotional part, but didn't believe the physical. I felt so bad for him. I know he was hurting.

You did the right thing!

"I just can't believe how different today feels. Like I'm taking control of my life, instead of taking what life is dishing to me..."
my H said basically the same thing after he told my OM's W the truth - it was the right thing to do, I didn't need to ask why he did it, we had been reading MB principles for a few months and all in all it was the right thing to do, the OM's W honestly deserved to know
Sandy

JD,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know how you feel. I waited way too long to tell the OM's W.

cwmac

All - thanks for your support. I've been away from the computer for a few days and thought I would provide you an update. As I contacted the OM's W last week, I thought for sure he would contact my W. I also thought my W would mention that contact to me. (My pre-planned comeback: "I thought you weren't in contact with him?" also, "I told you I was going to contact his wife"). Anyway, it's been almost a week now and my W has said nothing about it. This means one of several things. He did not contact my wife (yeah, right...) or He contacted her and she is not saying anything to me. Now, it could also mean that the OM's W is watching him like a hawk and he hasn't had the chance to contact my W....

wow, johndoe

I am having a hard time decided if I should contact the OW husband about the affair. Right now I am the only one who knows and it sucks. But am so scared of what the outcome will be. I somehow think men tend to react differently than women and her H might freak out and send her running right into my H arms....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by newhopes:
<strong>her H might freak out and send her running right into my H arms.... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">new - this might or might not happen, but either outcome is good.

You see, running into his arms forces him to meet all her needs. This very often makes the infidels realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. When they get a full dose of each other, the warts start to come into focus. Think of it as one step back to take two steps forward in the life cycle of an affair.

And, you never know - OW's H may likely turn out to be in the majority of BSs who do not throw their spouses out when an affair is discovered. You have an opportunity to improve these odds when you alert him - by also alerting him to this site to get knowledge of how to deal with affairs.

So, will you please start applying that knowledge for yourself?

Newhopes,
Listen to WAT on this one. He's absolutely correct.

I know how you feel. It's scary. It's an action that you're taking which may affect an outcome so it's very scary. But I totally agree with WAT either way it helps you in the long run.

How is your Plan A going?

When you tell OW'sH how will you do it? Give a plan and WAT and I can review it for you.

Mac aka camac