From the very first day I meet my wife our lives have been full of hardships.

I knew going into a relationship with her at the time was going to be rough as she was going thru a divorce and soon to be child custody battle.

I knowingly gave up all my friends and home in California and created a huge mess for myself to start a new life with her in WA.

I really had no choice as it was love at first sight. I lost my home and all of my possessions because I wanted to concentrate on my new life with her and her son. I said to heck with battling my X-wife (both of us where divorcing) as I wanted to put all my heart and energy into our new life.

After one year most of the dust cleared we ended up back in California to FINALLY start our life.

Within 6 months I injured my back at work really bad. We have been battling workers Comp ever since.

After 3 years of living with me being very hurt we married. I knew she loved me as much as I loved her by making the choice to do so since I was so hurt (now handicapped)

We drifted somewhat apart during the next few years but to me not so far apart as her wanting to leave me.

Being handicapped sex was a big issue. I could no longer preform and she wanted to have no part of anything else of me sexually. She also said it was hard to separate herself as a lover and caregiver. I can totally understand but begged her to view me as normal a person as she could.

My health continued to decline to the point to where I had a stroke in December. At this point I have since found out that she had a realization that she did not want to have to live with someone with poor health. This was also the time she had her first affair. To me it strikes as deep as anything could for when I was at my lowest moment in life looking to my wife for love she abandoned me. After it was discovered she pleaded with me to be able to have a boyfriend and that she also still loved me. I said no way I can handle that in a relationship. We then talked and decided to give us a try again. Well I thought WE had decided to try. During this healing process she continued to live a secret life I believe talking to all her friends who are either having affairs or leaving their husbands. I know of no friend of hers who is not. I disapprove of them but try to keep my mouth shut as best I can as she is very very set in her mind and ways and nothing, I MEAN NOTHING will change them. Anyway a long ago boyfriend was in town and she asked me if it was ok to go see him. Being the nice guy I am I said ok but I can not handle you staying overnight to visit him. She said ok but as time went by and their getogether was nearing she TOLD ME she was going to spend the weekend with him. I told her it would upset me but she could careless. She is going to do what she wants, DEAL WITH IT. Me trying to trust her again has been hard and with this demand on top of it sure wasn't helping.

During this time her son from her first marriage was visiting us. She gave me a note that said I love you and kissed us goodbye/ 3 days later she returned and to not my surprise she had sex with him SEVERAL TIMES. I have begged her for over 3 years to even just touch me, kiss me, ANYTHING but no.

Seeing her old boyfriend (which she says let her see normal life again and is this oh so wonderful person and yadda yadda)

I can't believe I am such a poor judge of a person. She left me with her son from her 1st marriage to go have sex (planned it I KNOW) with an old boyfriend. She now wants me to let her have sex with him and have me buy a new home and car that we have been planning for about a year still.
I am in shock. The wife, mother I knew, wanted to have MY KIDS with is such a horrible person.
Me the fool after all this am still willing to give US a try. During the last day or 2 she says she is just going to be close friends with him (oh, he is married and has 3 kids)

I am just hoping someone will make me wise up and make the right choice. I am expecting a very large cash settlement soon which she was to share with me to have our lives together. Know she wants it to fiance her and her lover or?

The good guy in me wants to give her some of the cash for at least being here for me this far with my help, the other says after treating me like this how could she even think she is going to get a damn dime.

I do know anything I buy is going to be my name and I am controlling the monies 100%.

Can someone talk some sense into me. I know I KNOW I am being played by her. My heart is a giving one and has gone and is going thru the meat grinder.
She says she loves me but not in love with me. She wont commit and say she will try to make US work again but still wants my money? HUH? WTF?

I will walk away from this knowing one thing for sure. I will never ever trust a WOMAN again.

11 years with my first marriage. 7 with this one (total time actually living together)

my new motto: Get them skinny so they can leave me. (i encouraged and supported my first wife to loose weight and once she did she left/ The same thing has happened with this one)

LOL, i should have KEPT them fat!! =o)

brokenbyte -

Gee, you have had lots of hardships. I don't know what to say about your wife. I would check with an attorney to see if you will have to split the money with her in California. I live here, and since it is a community property state, is workman's comp considered community property?

Weekends are slow, so you might want to post on general questions to get more input.

I dont know about the / thing either. I do have a comp lawyer and left a message saying what has happened and what the options are. She is great and very understanding. She herself had a stroke around the same time and we really relate. I do know the man she was with is fearful i will call his wife and tell her. I guess she knows my wife from years ago and they very much hate each other.
My wife did say she would leave the moment she every found out that i called her a told her about the affair and continuing affair. I so want to call the spouse of the first affair my wife had and this current one. I told my wife I wouldnt and that I wouldnt have to because it will all show itself in time. Such things will become exposed in there own time. I do have the phone numbers to contact the current one and tell her. LOL, he already had to lie to his wife because he didnt delete the caller ID from when my wife called him last. If she does leave me I am going to call and if i ever hear he is having an affair with anyone else i am going to call.
Has anyone called and have a positive experience from it? I know she should know, i promised i wouldnt though. Still strugling to keep my word i guess on not calling. i guess because of the threat from my wife. if we can work thru this great. if i call it may ruin any chance of working thru this. i havent shared any of this with any family member yet as they dont need to know of this horrible thing. its already hard enough to hold my head up in public while with my wife cheating on me let alone be judged by family. baby steps here i guess. foremost i must protect myself on the monies end. it's hard enough to deal with my health let alone all of this affair BS. i just dont understand what they could be thinking! obviously it is not about the pain it is going to cause everyone involved. it's just a selfish act with no reguard for anyone. it;s imoral and just plain wrong! she even has shown no remorse for her actions thru the first affair and now this one. where is that truley wonderful person i fell in love with and married?
the one i choose to be my best friend, playmate, lover, mother to my children and to stand by and protect till death do us part? a total stranger came home that day... WOW!

brokenbyte - You might want to post on general questions. More traffic there. Part of the MB plan is telling the other spouse. Yes, your wife will be mad - they all are. But it may help end the affair.