Over a year ago i found out that my wife was having an EA getting close to a PA. To make a long story short. i confronted my wife. she denied, we had marital problems we went to counseling. she said she was going to give up the relationship but it would be a gradual thing and she would have to do it slowly because of the long term friendship. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I saved all of the emails that he sent her, and I Installed Spyware on her computer. All i had to go on to find out who the spouse of the person was was a name, and a cell phone number. After Wife found that she could'nt send emails home she stopped emailing him, but he would call her several times a day at work. (I know this because i found the pass to her work voicemail) so for about 1 year of her supposedly ending the relationship he had been talking to her every day. leaving love messages, intimate messages, and messages innappropriate for a married person. all the while i had been logging all of the information for the day that i would eventually contact his spouse. Today was that day, My wife went out of town to the area that he lives in and he contacted my mother in law to inquire about my wife(that was the last straw) So i finally got the information to contact his wife, and apparently my wife was not the only woman that this person had an affair with. I didnt have the heart to tell her ALL the information that i had, such as the messages calling my wife by his last name, and referring to himself as my daughters stepfather on voicemail. His wife thought there was other women, but had no proof, she asked me to email some of the emails to her. so that's where it's at. The husband emailed me, and even called my house to speak with me. Hmmmm. do you think he may be upset? with that said i felt good to have relieved myself of that pressure, however i am truly saddened that this woman has been hurt(his wife)

You did exactly the right thing. Shedding a little light on the affair may end it. Plus the wife has a right to know what her WH is up to, so that she can make informed decisions.

Thanks Believer, Everytime i doubt my decision, I get strength, and encouragement from this board that I did the right thing. I wonder what my wife will think if she finds out. It does'nt matter, i know i did the right thing.

Oh, that's easy. She will be furious. She will put all the blame on you.

Like you, I recently called the W of the OM and told her the news she didn't want to hear. I hope you found strength in what you did, because it took a great deal of courage. You took a big step toward rebuilding your marriage and ending the affair. Don't ever forget, this is not only your life, it's YOUR marriage. I took the attitude that the OM shouldn't 'get away' with trying to take my wife away from me. His actions (and yes, her's too) put us/me into marriage counseling, I'm on Paxil and see a Psychiatrist once/twice a week, my work is suffering and he does what? Get's to go back to his wife and family as if nothing happened? She (his wife) gets to live in the dark because he and my wife lived a lie for all those years? I think not.
You did great, and I for one congratulate you. Hang in there.

You know what, John It was your post that really encouraged me go through with the exposure. so you be encouraged.

Dear I,
Good job! By why did it take you a year to do it? Now how do you intend to deal with the root of the problem? Your W’s dishonesty and the cause of her wanting to indulge in an inappropriate relationship.

Even if she gives the OM up, you still need to find out why it happened and resolve those issues, I would think.
Coach

I:
I'm glad that my post helped you into action. You've taken the first step on a long journey and believe me, I'm right there with you. My W has not mentioned any conversation with the OM since I phoned his wife, that could be for several reasons. In the meantime, we are still in therapy, I am still working on the marriage and even if he called her to 'rat me out', she now knows I'm serious about the marriage and have no intentions of sitting on the parade route, watching the parade go by.
Please keep in touch "I". It's going to be a great journey.

Better late than never. I suggest you disclose all your info to her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by The Informant:
<strong>we went to counseling</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And what exactly did your counselor know? Did he/she not recommend disclosure to OM's wife right off the bat?

The counselor recommended that she end the relationship. She agreed, and said that it would take time. That was over a year ago. so she never ended the relationship.

I meant, what did the counselor advise about informing OM's wife?

Are you still using this counselor?

WAT

the counselor did not know about the exposure