I guess I am in the same boat as many of you. My H was unfaithful to me last fall. We are still together. Our marriage was not great. We did not communicate. I asked him for help like a marriage counselor or something. I guess he thought we did not need it. He looked for support somewhere else. You got it, a co worker! It led into something else, and on a out of town business trip it happened. He said it just happened. How does it just happen? It went on for months in his car, other business trips and other places I am sure. I knew it was going on by the way he was acting. Working late, he even missed our daughters sport activities and end of the year banquet! I did not have proof without stalking him. I did not do that. I found emails he left on his computer, to and from her. I printed them, for proof! Of course he denied all of it. I read his words to him. I had him backed into a corner. Finally he admitted it! He said it was only kissing and cuddling, ya right. He said nothing could happen because of his erectile disfunction. I did not know he had a problem.I thought that I was the problem and he could not get excited with me! I has been months since we were together. Well, he went to the doctor and got help. For her, not me. That really hurts!! It worked, and he was happy with her! I wanted to be the one to help him, I wanted to be the one to see if the treatment worked, not someone else. I feel so violated!! I can't forgive that he broke our marriage vows. Over 25 years!! Our marriage is over, now we live together and are lovers. How do I handle our anniversary. To me that date is over. That vows and promises have been destroyed. To make a long story short, things did not work out between them. On New Years day he left for work, to check his schedule. I knew something was up. The next day he tried to make love to me, now I really knew something was going on. Apparently she rejected him. I read his emails and he said that he loved her and could they try again. Well, it did not work out so he came back to me. I feel so betrayed, hurt and feel like second best. He said it did not mean anything, how could it not mean anything? He said he loved her and talked harsh about me! Anyway, he is away this weekend. This is so hard. My imagination is running crazy. I wish I was with him. I wish that he would go away with me and put me first instead of his feelings. Concentrate on our marriage. I love him. We are together because my daughters would die if they knew. If we seperated it would crush them. Did I do the right thing by letting him stay? Would it be better for healing if he was not here. Everything reminds me of his unfaithfullness. I am trying. I want to be happy again.I don't want to be sick to my stomach. I want to sleep without nightmares or the vision of him making love to someone else.When we make love it is beautiful, but I wonder if he thinks of me or her. How do I get past that? I wish he did not have to see her everyday at work. That is so hard!! Sorry my thoughts are all over the place. I am jumping all over the board. My emotions are getting the better of me. I want to trust again. This is going to be a long weekend!

dsc -

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances.

My husband did the same thing. He had problems in that department, and I urged him to see the doctor. He got the pills, and they worked. I thought it was me too.

As soon as he found out how well they worked, he got a girlfriend.

So you now know there are others in your situation. You might want to join the general questions forum, there is more traffic there.

And you need to start in Plan A. Read all about it in my signature line.

dsc623,,
I also welcome you here.

While I am not a woman who was betrayed I am a Husband who was. I know we differ but we also have the same feelings.

first of all I feel if you are able to make love to your husband then you are definately willing to forgive his infidelity.
It took me a couple of months before I could be intimate with my wife again. I even stopped right in the middle of sex and ran out of the door once.
You can forgive your husband,, you have allready said and done things that show your forgiveness. you state you are only together for the kids,,, who do you and your husband make love for? For each other I would bet.
The visions uuuuuuuuggghhhhh.... I know how you feel they come when you least expect them and they are hard to get out of your head. You say you get mad.... so do I... you say you get depressed,,,, so do i. There is no way for u to prevent these feelings,, they are going to happen, what you do have to do is find a way of dealing with them. What are your hobbies,,, what relieves stress for you,,, what puts a smile on your face. If you know what these things are then my advice is simple,,,, Do them and do them as often as possible.
I found out that I could not be intimate with my wife , or even be around here when I was angry, sad, and all. Simply put I had to take care of myself first. I got on the AD's I started to spend time with my closest friends,, found myself starting to laugh and have a good time, excercise is my choice of stress relief,,, you wouldnt believe the work out and motivation you have if you are angry while excercising. Reading is also a part of my daily stress relievers. There is something all of us enjoy doing for self happiness. Concentrate on these things first.
Your situation cannot be made or rushed it has to come genuine. You cannot be genuine to your hubby with all of these emotions pulling you in different directions. Do the things you love to do.
That is a good step toward being yourself again. You will find the decisions about your marriage will come with more faith and less doubt.
It does take time,, but it is necessary for full genuine recovery.
Get yourself recovered first... then work on recovering your marriage.

All of my thoughts and prayers,

Please get on a path to recovery, as outlined in the link below.

<small>[ December 03, 2004, 01:50 PM: Message edited by: lovemyhubby ]</small>

Thank You everyone for your support. It is nice to know that there are wonderful people out there to help. This weekend has been very confusing. I have kept very busy to make the time fly while he is away. I have repainted a room in our home and the house is spotless! I also have had a lot of time to think. I am so confused! One minute I feel like everything is going to be fine and the next I want to pack my husband's bags and send him on his way. I am so angry and hurt. I always have told myself if anything like this should happen, out he goes! Now I feel like I have betrayed myself. I never thought I would put up with something like this. How do accept this decision? Thanks for listening.
dsc