Hi Everyone-<P>H came over last night and spent about 2 hours w/ D and me. I made chili and we had a couple of beers. He brought D a couple of her presents (1 from OW- YUCK!!!!!). We ate and sat around the fire. Conversation was light, but nice.<P>He came over this morning about 9am. We opened gifts and I served mimosas. Conversation was light again; even talked about past Christmas' and giggled some.<P>H bought me a gift; a beautiful wool jacket. It was very surprising to me. He liked his Turtledove- thought it was special.<P>We had breakfast and watched D play w/ her toys (she was to busy to eat!). We talked about his family and mine. He wanted to know what we were doing the rest of the day.<P>He stayed about 2 1/2 hrs. He thanked me for inviting him and HE GAVE ME a hug when he left. He said that he had a great time and really enjoyed D. (She had so much fun w/ both Mom and Dad there).<P>He is picking D up tomorrow and spending the day w/ his family.<P>Anyway, this all sounds good and I should be happy, but..... I don't think it's there for me anymore. It all went very well. No lovebusting- some love unites deposited by me- but I am not sure I want him back anymore. I know I seem wishy washy- as just Wednesday I broke down and cried when he told me he wasn't coming back. <P>Maybe that was the last straw for me. Maybe I just needed one last rejection to finally be over him. I don't know.<P>He is meeting OW in two weeks- spending a week w/ her. Maybe this has something to do w/ how I am feeling.<P>Just needed to let this out. I get so tired of going up and down w/ my emotions.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Cheryl, You are not bein wishywashy. You are being normal. He has withdrawn so many love units from your bank and not deposited anything for a long period of time. Go back and read about plan B. I know you are not in it, but it talks about the love bank. <BR>I go through the same thing one day I am not sure then the next I want him back. Sidney and RMA have the same feelings. After what they have put us through, they are short of love units in our love banks. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Cheryl</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>It's hard to be tossed around in the life-boat on the sea of an affair... A hard ride...<P>Up and down emotions come from your love for your H... When there is no up and down... then your love is gone. Keep up Plan A-ing as long as possible... <P>You're stronger than you think!<P>Merry Chistmas,<BR>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 25, 1999).]

Di-<P>I have read Plan B. I tried Plan B - 4 Times!! It is WAY to hard for me because of our D. I tried it for 5 weeks the most successful time- even had my parents as the go betweens for visitations.<P>That didn't last long, because my parents have a life too, and I really felt like I was imposing on them.<P>I am not having a hard time in Plan A. And, I know that I could do Plan B if I didn't have to worry about the visitations.<P>I don't even know why I am worried about this. He has filed for divorce. He told me only 4 days ago that he isn't coming home. So why in the h#ll am I even concerned with this????<P>I must be insane.<P><BR>

Jim-<P>Sorry I missed you. Posting the same time.<P>I am just feeling like it is not worth it all. I am beginning to think that I am doing all of this for someone that couldn't care less.<P>I really believe that my Plan A is only feeding his ego. <P>I am content to stay in Plan A. It is not hard for me anymore. I know that getting back together will be best for our D, but will it be best for me?

I did explain why I wanted you to read plan b I know how hard it is to do that plan with children. It just had some stuff about how you are feeling now. I just want you to realize that you weren't wishywashy. That what you are going through is normal. That this happens sometimes we lose so many love units that we fall out of love and decide to go through the divorce. I realize you really have no choice in this matter but it does explain why you are feeling this way. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Cheryl,<P>I think some of what your going through... Plan A -> Plan B -> Plan A... etc. is on the minds of many people...<P>Check for my post after my Monday morning session with Steve Harley...<P>Your questions on prvious replies are very much like what is on my mind too!<P>Jim

SDS-<P>Thanks for not thinking I am wishy washy. I just feel like it is all going away. Normally I would be jumping up and down after a day like today. He even hugged me. I just feel like I need more- lots more.<P>Jim-<P>I will be watching for your post. I am anxious to hear what Steve has to say about your situation - since ours are very much alike.<BR>How did your Christmas go, btw? Did you see your kids this morning??<P>

SDS-<P>Thanks for not thinking I am wishy washy. I just feel like it is all going away. Normally I would be jumping up and down after a day like today. He even hugged me. I just feel like I need more- lots more.<P>Jim-<P>I will be watching for your post. I am anxious to hear what Steve has to say about your situation - since ours are very much alike.<BR>How did your Christmas go, btw? Did you see your kids this morning??<P>

Yep... I had the kids until 7:45 AM...<P>She came to pick them up... for today...<P>She had no present for me...<BR>I asked her for a hug... she first said "it wouldn't be appopriate"... then she came to hug me for a few seconds... I cried... kids were in the room... shd asked me to compose myself for the kids... I said goddbye to kids... no kiss allowed to my wife...<P>It was a pretty lonely day...<BR>Even though I was with my family.<P>I do get them back tomorrow at 8:00 AM at least.<P>Jim

<BR>Jim-<P>I feel so bad for you. You W is behaving like a spoiled child.<P>We just need to take it a moment at a time. God is working in our lives. Even though we want our families back in tact, it may not be what God wants for us. Our spouses may not be what is good for us and our children. It is hard to imagine this, but we need to sit back and let God work.<P>I'll be praying for you, as always.<P>Cheryl<BR>

Hey Sis....<P>Yes, I know, I owe you an e-mail. It's coming. <P>And you're not nuts - not completely anyway!! <P>I think you're dealing exactly like you're supposed to be dealing with this and feeling what you're supposed to feel.<P>I'll call you later today.<P>Luv ya,<P>Lori

I know I'm sitting on the other side of the fence, since I'm the betrayer, but I'm glad the ups & downs are normal. One day I think, Man I really screwed up, I want to try and make this work, and then the next day I'm looking at him thinking Why Bother?<BR>Not that I want everyone to feel wishy washy, but if so many of us are, it just means it's normal and we'll get through it one way or the other!

Hey Ceecee,<P>ditto, ditto, ditto !!!!<P>I told my H on Christmas night that I was just so tired, tired of trying to do the right thing by him, tired of trying to do the right thing by his family (ie, their grandchildren), just plain old tired.<P>I just want the whole thing over.<P>I feel exactly the same as you - why bother keeping on going, when absolutely nothing is coming back. ??<P>I don't know where I'm at, or where I'm going, but I know I'm getting there fast !!!<P>I don't feel as though I have lost control, either of myself or our revolting situation, but I just want to let go. I don't want to hang on anymore...<P>I know this post was a couple of days ago for you, I've just got back on after dealing with Christmas, and him being here.<P>Christmas Eve and Day went ok, as far as things go, but there was almost aloof, standoffish behaviour from him. I tried to make him so welcome, my family made him so welcome, I even said he could ring OW from my home on Christmas Day (how's that for understanding, or am I just a complete idiot...) I just figured that if he really wants her, and wants to be with her, well, my darling, have her and be with her.<BR>I just can't be bothered any longer.<P>All in all, I had an ok Christmas, but I do wonder where next year will find me.<P>I do know that I am stronger because of infidelity, and because of all my friends here. I know that I will face whatever comes my way in the coming months, and I will face it head on.<P>You will too, my friend.<P>Big hugs for you, and take care<P>Jo

cc-<BR>read NSR's post about his second session with Steve H.....<BR>addresses the doormat issue.<BR>keep on keeping on!<BR>TNT

ceecee,<BR>You sound stronger... I am glad. Even though it will still be a roller coaster of emotions the extremes won't be as bad as time goes by. There is a book by Dr. James Dobson called Tough Love and towards the end of it he says that this is a possible reaction. <BR>mkn

Lori, mschf, bonnet, TnT, mkn;<P>Thanks everyone. I am really trying to do the right thing and hold on as long as I can. Some days it just seems to get to me.<P>I am getting good at this Plan A. I know that I still have a lot to learn, but I am trying.<P>It's hard working against the divorce clock. I get impatient and just want to give up. I need to pray that God gives me patience and wisdom.<P>Thanks for caring.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl<P>bonnet- I e-mailed you. Did you get it?<P>TnT- Good to hear from you. I e-mailed you a couple of days ago. I have been wondering how you are and how things are going. <P>I'm praying for all of us!!