can anyone share what happened after they exposed the affair to the other man's wife?

Dear Informant,

I am a wife whose world was turned upside down by receiving this information from his lover. He was working away (out of state) and had been for a while. We have been married for 14 years, and always told me that he was never interested in anyone else. I believed that I was the center of his world. I did not want him to work out of state, but there's no work here, so in order to survive, we had no choice. In the end, I knew in my gut that something was wrong, but he lied about it (of course). His lover insisted I know, although we have two children,and I was struggling to make things run smoothly here without him. She called all hours of the night just to toy with me. Finally, one day she told me what was going on. I called my husband who was still out of state and he admitted to everything. Being alone with my children and no emotional support almost destroyed my life. I spent three days in bed crying and was absolutely useless. I was suicidal for weeks to follow. He had another month away and I had to deal with this alone.

Although the wife or husband to know, there is a time or place for this. To do it out of spite is cruel. Make sure that you have your facts straight and your meaning in the right place because you are destroying lives by revealing this horrible truth. There is nothing that hurts more than a spouse having an affair. If you are the other woman and he loves his wife, trust me he'll resent you for your actions. Although they cheat, they still do not want to hurt the ones they are truly loyal to.

mlandry35

This is a great question. Try posting it on general questions for more answers.

mlandry

Your experience is a little out of the norm. Most of the time the persons involved in an affair try to keep it secret. Your instance is one of the very few where the OW contacts the WH's wife.

At least you know who the "enemy" is. Many others simply don't know. It's hard to compete or "fight" with a ghost.

You need to purchase a copy of Surviving an Affair to help you through all you are experiencing. In the "usual" circumstances surrounding an affair, exposure is used as a tool for the betrayed spouse. But I'll not go into that to see how this thread develops.

SD

Ok Believer I'll repost on general questions.
Thank You Milandry

Dear Shattered Dreams,

While knowing who the other woman is or was, I am still fighting with a ghost. I fought with this ghost for two months before it was exposed. What made it worse was all of the lies that were told to cover up the affair. I know that knowing is a weapon, but the informant must be of good faith. When the unsuspecting spouse is taken totally off guard by this experience, it is detrimental.

When the OW is a person who you will never meet because she is in another state, it seems that she is always a ghost. I have no idea of what she looks like or what is her personality. I have no idea of what attacted my H to her. This leaves wounds wide open.

When the informant is the OW, there is a rage, anger, bitterness that is destructive. She holds the upperhand in the situation. This leaves the jilted spouse feeling helpless. I know that I have a lot to learn through this experience. Especially, how to trust. I just believe that any informant must take into account the unsuspecting spouse's emotions and reactions. Bringing the light to the surface is hard. Seeing the light is even harder. Going through the light...well I can't say because I'm still traveling.

Only the strong survive