We have been married for 32 years. I still love him. We have two grown children. We have always done everything together. For the last 2.5 years, he has not been himself. I guess I just didn't see the signs. Last November he moved to the town where he works - about 60 miles away - to save "time and gas." Found out about the affair about two months ago when I contracted genital herpes. We decided to work it out. But things just didn't feel right. He lied to our daughter, to me, and our new counselor about the affair being over. I then did some "discovering". I looked in his cell phone, found out he has still been in contact with her. He lied about who the phone # was for. I called the number - it was her. I just hung up. This past weekend, he contacted her on his work cell phone. I looked at his work cell while he was in the shower. When I confronted him with this info, he turned it on me with "now your'e looking in my work phone?" I said yes. Then he said, "That's it, I'm leaving." I said yes, he needed to leave. I gave him a letter I had composed using the one in Surviving An Affair. Plan B set in motion.
Also sent one to her. They work in the same building. After thinking on the situation, I could see this has been going on for almost 3 years now. How could I have been so blind? We went to the councelor yesterday, and he finally told the truth. Afterwards, we went to a pub for a beer. I have read Surviving an Affair twice, and have put it into practice. I listened to everything he had to say about us, her, and me. I kept away from Love Busters. He is in love with her. But he said that this past week without calling me his usual 2-6 times a day, and not seeing me made him realize that he still does love me. He told me that he feels a giant weight has been lifted off him by telling me everything. I told him I appreciated his honesty. He says he can't commit to working on our marriage right now because he is still confused, and doesn't know if he can forgive himself for what he has done. I told him that I understand, that I'm working on myself, and trying to change the mistakes that I have made that led him to the affair. He has always been a truthful, upstanding man, now he is in this trap. I will keep listening to everything he has to tell me (I don't know why I didn't before - it would have saved us both this terrible pain) and continue working on myself, and our marriage with the help of Dr. Harley's books. I hope he makes his decision soon. Am I going in the right direction?

Hi. Welcome to marriage builders. Yes, you are doing the right thing. You should be firmly in Plan A now.

There are lots of us going through the same thing. Stick with us, and we will help you.

You might want to post on general questions, because weekends are slow, and there is more traffic there.

Thanks believer. Tonight I am freaking out. This seems awfully hard. I know that Plan A is going on. But I just keep thinking that he is with her tonight, and that he only wants me for a "friend". I don't know if I should ask any questions, or if I should keep all my fears to myself. Have cried a lot today just thinking about everything. I just keep thinking I need to put my best face forward, keep avoiding the LBs, listen to what he has to say, and let him know that I love him more than anything. I guess I really need to know that others have suffered thru this, and that there is some hope.

I feel your pain! I just found out that my H has been having and affair for almost a year. We've been married for 14 yrs. and have a 8yr. son. I just don't know how to make it through the day. I find myself just staring off into space.
My H says he has ended the affair to work on our marriage. He said he couldn't take the lying and hurting me anymore. It was killing him inside and he can't see me out of his life. I just don't know where to begin. I don't even know how I feel. He is still living in the home for our son. I didn't want to cause our son more heartache than needed. I want him to feel loved and be ok.
How do I start to heal my marriage? is so deep. What makes it hard for me is that I'm a stay at home mom and the OW is a Doctor. How can I compete with that? I need some advise. Any you can offer would greatly help me. Maybe we could help each other through this hard time.
I just don't know how I can ever be intimate with him again. Will he be thinking of her and will I ever be able to get that image out of my head? Why do people have to hurt other people???? Sorry for rambling...I'm just so alone right now.
Thanks for any advise you can offer. Good luck to you! God bless you!